had an idea for a portal/undertale crossover where GLaDOS captures a big chunk of the Undertale cast...including Frisk she scans the monsters a lot and has them go through non-deadly obstacle courses, because she has no data on any of their species and wants to get data on them meanwhile frisk gets a portal gun and goes through testing on the first test with turrets she grabs a turret that she found that was guarding the turret redemption line, because she's been using a lot of turrets in the co-op testing initiative and ran out of turrets earmarked for tests and so just grabbed some turrets from around the facility. this turns out to be a bad idea. it's the oracle turret. it can only speak in ordinary preloaded turret lines plus remixes of things it's heard, but has useful things to say. especially since it can hear chara and so can remix their narration, meaning it's no longer limited to quoting cave johnson, glados, and greek mythology for its useful advice. frisk escapes with the help of chara and the oracle turret, and begins a quest to break their family out of the enrichment center.
I brought this up in the Homestuck thread and am pondering it- Homestuck no Hero Academia. Basically a homestuck AU where the Kids and (human) Trolls are students at AU, the kids' guardians are all pro heroes, the Exiles and Kings/Queens are staff at UA, and the Felt and Midnight Crew are separate teams of villains. I'm not sure how to handle quirk inheritance or the alpha/beta split, though. Are the alpha kids/beforus trolls older siblings, and seniors at UA instead of freshmen? How similar do their quirks have to be, while still being unique?
And now I've spent most of the morning (and part of last night) working on Quirks for everyone. The villains' Quirks are secret, for now anyway, but here's what I have for the Kids, Trolls, guardians and staff. Please note that the beta/alternia Quirks are all determined randomly for the first set to avoid Stereotypical Personality Powers or Obvious Aspect Powers, while the alpha/beforus Quirks are kinda branched off from their dancestors. Some of the Quirks are very fitting, though. Spoiler John- Accelerate Rose- Anchor Dave- Survivor Jade- Mind Over Matter Aradia- Born Lucky Tavros- Telepath Sollux- Duplicate Karkat- Flamethrower Nepeta- Lioness Kanaya- Gigantism Terezi- X-Ray Vriska- Toxic Gas Equius- Mirror Gamzee- Soporific Eridan- Shaking Feferi- Diver Jane- Weightless Roxy- Tunnel Dirk- Recovery Jake- Barrier Damara- Curse Rufioh- Thoughtwaves Mituna- Siphon Kankri- Burning Man Meulin- Catty Porrim- Bulk Up Latula- Laser Eye Aranea- Acid Gas Horuss- Solidify Kurloz- Invigorate Cronus- Amp Meenah- Jump Dad- Time Warp Mom- Clairvoyance Bro- Material Body Grandpa- Transform Nanna- Transparency White King- Creation White Queen- Wings Parcel Mistress- Punching Bag Wayward Vagabond- Firestarter Authority Regulator- Bloodhound Ms Paint- Brain Freeze Black King- Chitin Black Queen- Portal
Bad crossover idea of the week: pick a character with a highly distinctive way of looking at the world and write them up as an Umineko witch by redefining that worldview as reality-warping magic.
While discussing this bad crossover idea with someone over Steam chat, I came to the conclusion that Phoenix Wright is the Sorcerer of Absolution, inheriting the title from Mia, with the ability to reverse innocence and guilt. Dahlia Hawthorne is the Witch of the Circle, with the ability to create anything that she is the center of. She got handily wrecked because she tried to create a circle of innocence around herself and the Witch of Absolution converted it to guilt. (Not to be confused with the Witch of the Circle: Vriska Serket, Witch of the Center, with the ability to make herself the center of anything.)
@KarrinBlue asked me for some Umineko'd F/SNs, and 1) Shirou is, like, literally exactly the same because his powers are already a metaphor for his worldview and 2) Rin is the Witch of Victory, with the ability to always win when presented with a challenge. Even if she fails at the challenge itself, she'll win something else, e.g. by advancing a secondary agenda or getting the best one-liner. (Anti-fantasy: she refuses to ever admit she could have categorically failed at anything.)
Homestuck/Voltron/SU/Transformers A fourway intergalactic genocidal alien empire war. Condy is after the gems because BLING and because they decided to fuck with her territory, after the Galra because their fleets sort of met at some point during their respective expansions and those fuckers are putting up a fight, and who knows why against the Transformers. The Gems are after the Alternians and the Galra because Puny Fleshlings, and are sort of meh about the Transformers except when they interfere on behalf of the fleshlings. The Galra sort of came across all of those during their expansion and now not only have to deal with Voltron, but three fully fledged alien war fleets. How did that even happen. The Transformers are mostly after Voltron because holy fuck that thing is disturbing.
So, uh. Apparently BNHA has a far more intricate backstory than I thought. I may have to rework this idea and put it on the backburner. (good thing i still have my bloodswap)
On the continuing subject of Sea Kittens: a system glitch involving trouble handling the metafictional reality of Umineko results in Protectors of the Plot Continuum agents being dispatched to the Rokkenjima gameboard on a mission targeting Furudo Erika. Chaos across numerous worlds and layers of reality ensues. (Flower: Look, when we designed the system to detect intrusions into a canon of a reality-warping nexus fashioned by a different entity who does not have rightful control of the canon and is intent on damaging the fabric of the narrative, we didn't account for the possibility of metagaming witches playing Cluedo. So sue us.)
I (re)read all of Daemorphing a few weeks ago since its great daemons stuff and the carnival game is doing daemons... And then I got yeerks on the brain. Enough that I had an elaborate crossover dream of Animorphs worldbuilding and Undertale. Dream took the Papyrus-is-Gaster theory, added yeerks, and ended with "Papyrus as a yeerk living in Gaster's body after the science accident, having co-lived with Sans before that." Waking up, I still liked it. No kandrona rays, but monsters have healing magic, so a yeerk could stay in their monster host all the time, practically forget what they are and very much think of themselves as the host body. Especially if a young yeerk, probably flushed down a river with its siblings after some 'andalite rebel' activity, and getting found in the Waterfall dump by the scientist and/or his son. Young Sans supporting the little yeerk, short-term meaning Sans gets to exert no effort but sitting around cracking jokes while Papyrus is at the wheel (doing things like cleaning as well as his own hobbies), long-term the double energy drain probably did a number on his health. Gaster experiments based on the limited understanding of z-space he gleaned from the bb yeerk, because who cares about the barrier if you can fold space around it? And then he splatters himself, or at least his consciousness, through z-space. Papyrus moves out into that strangely not dying body, and that lasts a good long time. Maybe til in the story. Frisk who climbed the mountain to hide until they were forgotten, or maybe just stay further, because they're an ex-controller. After all, there's slight hints they don't have a home to go back to, and the Sharing likes to use those seeking help. The voyage through the underground, gaining friends of all kinds of non-human shapes. Ghosts, who can possess bodies but the bodies they choose are all otherwise inanimate, and how that's similar and different. How Undyne would take the notion that humans are already under attack by aliens, but a sneaky no honor kind... by another race in a bad situation. That all these more physical alien races would be just as easily lethal to monsters as humans are. True pacifist ending, except Frisk confessing about what's going on up there, and Sans and Papyrus inexplicably knowing about that stuff. I want to make a story here so badly. *typo fix, 'can' not 'call'
I saw a TFA/Fury Road thing, and I disagreed with the presentation, so. Spoiler: Opinions it had Rey as Furiosa and Kylo as Immortan Joe, and I think it was just cause, action movie with female lead wherein the female lead ultimately utterly fucks right up the dude who victimized her, but. I think that's kinda a shallow read on both movies. Which is fine. But also, I really like both those movies, so. And I object to the idea that a female lead beating a dude villain is all it takes to make a "feminist" film. Fury Road is explicitly about gendered violence and exploitation, and it's really fucking clever in how it conveys its message. TFA is an action movie that stars a chick. It can't really be said to have a message. Like, if Kylo were meant to represent straight white male privilege, then they really fucked up with their presentation. Cause, like. There's no gendered violence in TFA. People call Rey's interrogation a rape metaphor, which. I disagree, but even if you accept that interpretation, Poe kinda fucks over the idea that it's about oppressing ladies. Every bad thing Kylo does to Rey he also does to dudes in the exact same manner. Fury Road makes it clear that dudes are just as much victims of Joe's exploitation as the ladies, but that exploitation manifests differently than the wives'. Because that's how it do, I think I've heard arguments before that Poe represents the LGBT community, and that's why he's a part of the rape analogy, but. No. Anyway. I think a straight up plot transfusion wouldn't work, not the least because there aren't enough lady characters in TFA to fill all the lady roles in FR. Epsically the wives. But i think you could Frankenstein something pretty cool together. Rey would be kinda Max, and Finn would be a sorta Furiosa (but still a low ranked War Boy, on the path to getting his own command, but not there yet. I'm thinking he's being personally groomed for a leadership position by Imperator Phasma, who'd be the one in charge of the convoy to Gastown/the Bullet Farm at the start of the story.) aaaand, I'd have Kylo as sorta Nux (but with Furiosa's rank and bits of her backstory. He'd be the one with a connection to the Green Place. Leia's be in charge of that, and Ben'd have been stolen from there as a kiddo for one reason or another.)
My attempt to craft a Yugioh/Naruto crossover is being foiled by the fact that there are like 3 non-evil adults in Yugioh. I need SOMEONE to be a jounin-sensei dammit and I just do not think Sugoroku is going to cut it. The fact I haven't actually read either series and 90% of my knowledge comes from fanfiction and YGOTAS is also not helping, but I seem to have written a 3-page google doc of plot in the past hour anyway.
I've wanted a Camorrtalia for years, with Grandpa Rome in the role of Father Chains helping the Axis to steal from naive young nobleman America. Too bad I don't know anyone who knows both fandoms.
I just finished Chapters 2 and 3 of Bendy and the Ink Machine today and have a new headcanon: the short and vague version is that BatIM and SOMA take place in the same universe. Spoiler: less vague version that is probably going to get thoroughly jossed but whatever, it's fun The part where you're hunting for the ink hearts and specifically the Projectionist gave me serious SOMA flashbacks. Like... the Projectionist is some serious WAU cyborg monster bullshit. Sammy too, actually, except he's more like Golaski or one of those other dudes who's been drinking structure gel and isn't quite a Proxy yet but is definitely Not Right. So... what if whatever black magic bullshit Joey did opened a spacetime portal to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean 160someodd years in the future, the Ink Machine got eaten up with WAU germs and started turning humans into Proxies using cartoon character model sheets for reference, and all the "ink" we've been slogging through is actually structure gel?
Me: *continuing to reread Dracula* Van Helsing, discussing Dracula's powers: "He come on moonlight rays as elemental dust—as again Jonathan saw those sisters in the castle of Dracula. He become so small—we ourselves saw Miss Lucy, ere she was at peace, slip through a hairbreadth space at the tomb door. He can, when once he find his way, come out from anything or into anything, no matter how close it be bound or even fused up with fire—solder you call it." Me, having read and talked about too much Sea Kittens recently: "Man, you could have SO much fun making convoluted locked room mysteries with that." Me: "......" Boris Karloff, narrating: She got an idea. An AWFUL idea. Tez got a wonderful, AWFUL idea. (There is crack, and there is crack, and seriously contemplating a Dracula/Umineko no Naku Koro Ni crossover is the latter)
i came up with a very different undertale/animorphs crossover from @swirlingflight's one Spoiler: long Animorphs/Undertale AU: Outside Context Problem/Solution i just, because it is 11 at night and i have been up since 7 in the morning, thought of an animorphs/undertale crossover AU where frisk basically figures out what's going on via chara and their weird stat vision/soul vision dealio and proceeds to very deliberately, after saving, publicly say stuff that makes it really obvious to the yeerks that they've been spotted, causing them to infest frisk, who then proceeds to use a mixture of being able to think with their soul, chara's help, and their ridiculous DT levels to resist the yeerk's control and basically interrogate them after, of course, a period of playing the helpless host for info they proceed to load in such a way that the yeerk remembers none of this but basically everyone else gets vague deja vu, demonstrate taking out their soul and putting back in on live TV while saying some stuff that's confusing for hte yeerks (generally) while, combined with the memory echoes, results in the animorphs going to check it out and then frisk proceeds to lure them and their family to this nice secluded mountain path (it's mt ebott) and proceeds to just. Infodump. "hi! i have gathered you all here today, including the spying and welcome alien bird with a soul, because of the events of earlier today and also later today and tomorrow and right now but before the time travel." and other equally bizarre phrases. imagine bill wurtz in a small child body cheerfully telling you about how they were puppeted by an evil alien that they were secretly interrogating so that they could trigger a groundhog day loop style time travel thing and go back in time to contact other aliens. also they claim to have been aided by a ghost that is also only half real because they got stuck half in a dimensional box and call putting something in z-space "taking it turnways". like "it's really obvious the bird is an alien because there is a magic thing inside his head that goes turnways. but not sans shortcut turnways, because he also goes left. " frisk is basically one giant kid-shaped Outside Context Problem. basically poor tobias is just. in shock. the entire time. this is too weird. he has Hit His Limit on Weird. also: toriel: "what is turnways?" frisk: "the direction sans goes when he takes a shortcut! it's at right angles to sideways." evilas-Today at 5:56 AM I NEED THIS ....also, dimensional boxes and Sans’s shortcuts use z-space that’s brilliant evilas-Today at 6:01 AM Meanwhile Ax is actually understanding roughly half of what Frisk is saying cause holy shit that sounds like z-space holy shit that sounds like timetravel as theorized by XYZ famous Andalite scientist what the hell. Bash-Today at 6:30 AM New headcanon: Frisk can only speak in infodumps knives-Today at 6:31 AM I have a friend like that Wingheart-Today at 9:29 AM frisk is either laconic or infodumping there is no inbetween also i was thinking that frisk's timetravel rambles are as utterly confusing to ax as everyone else because that is clearly not a sario rip they're talking about ax knows his stuff about sario rips and frisk themself can access z-space if dimensional boxes do-the dimensional boxes operate like frisk's inventory frisk's time travel is like...groundhog day style timelooping, except the loop is controlled by them ax understanding roughly half of what frisk is saying just makes it even more WTF for him, and he explains to tobais things like "that sounds like z-space" and then tobias is even more ??? like. how is this small child casually accessing z-space to store pie evilas-Today at 9:38 AM Pffff I am in love with everything about this There’s gotta be some point where Ax confronts Sans and is like “tell me everything you know” and Sans is just “pff, nah” Wingheart-Today at 9:43 AM frisk, singing: "and they mind control people because they're jeeeeerk-sters!" frisk, and actually most people with practice in magic-sense, can tell that Something Is Up with controllers because they have a weird tiny alien soul in their head vilas-Today at 9:45 AM My spergbrain: “I NEED A SCENE BETWEEN SANS AX MARCO AND ALPHYS WHERE THEY EXPLAIN ALL THE SCIENCE” Wingheart-Today at 9:47 AM honestly i'm thinking that the andalites have a tiny very rudimentary understanding of magic but don't realise it's magic-they just use it for zspace tunnels and for thoughtspeak and don'tt realise the two things are connected evilas-Today at 9:48 AM Makes sense knives-Today at 9:48 AM im halfway between interested and incredibly confused o_o Wingheart-Today at 9:48 AM meanwhile most monsters don't realize that the telepathy some of them can do (with training) is the same thing the andalites use to speak evilas-Today at 9:48 AM I love this Wingheart-Today at 9:49 AM frisk and chara brainstormed Non-Evil Ways to Be a Yeerk using Frisk's experience bodysharing with Chara evilas-Today at 9:49 AM Ok but Sans stopping time and Ax is like “holy fuck are you an Ellimist?” “What? Wtf is that?” Wingheart-Today at 9:50 AM ax: "you are certain that the Yeerks can live peacefully without taking slaves?" frisk: "I'm bodysharing with a ghost." evilas-Today at 9:50 AM Yes Accurate Wingheart-Today at 9:51 AM sans stopping time is, i headcanon, connected to frisk's time travel-they're both DT based and sans should really not be doing it because it makes him emit slime. evilas-Today at 9:52 AM I thought it was Z-space based Like his shortcuts Wingheart-Today at 9:52 AM chara in frisk's body, immediately after frisk sung 'jerksters': "also known as, yeerksters" evilas-Today at 9:52 AM Pffffff Wingheart-Today at 9:53 AM nah z-space based time travel is a sario rip evilas-Today at 9:55 AM Tbh, what Sans does sometimes does kinda look Sario Rippy Wingheart-Today at 9:55 AM true also the andalite homeworld is a Disaster like..think about it. there's like 3 species of bird? there's hardly any biodiversity at all evilas-Today at 9:56 AM DT is a substance that allows you to bend spacetime and can be harnessed to create a sario rip I think there’s plenty of related species of grass? Probably just one genus though TheSeer-Today at 9:58 AM It's canon that Earth's biodiversity is exceptional compared to other planets Wingheart-Today at 9:58 AM sario rips go both ways though, while frisk's time travel thing is more of a controlled groundhog day loop and can't send anything to the future-but sans having stuff from other timelines or the future is a sario rip thing it doesn't make much sense though ecosystems with more species are more stable evilas-Today at 9:59 AM Yeah... evilas-Today at 10:00 AM It’s more “bending” than “ripping” Wingheart-Today at 10:00 AM iirc it was mentioned somewhere that there are no large predators anymore on the andalite homeworld they extincted them all what little we see of the andalite planet, they mention "the grass" with no differentation between types of grass (you'd expect a species that eats it to care) but it's in three colours?? it's so weird but yeah, back to frisk being Confusing they just casually drop that the monsters are immune to yeerk control because they don't have an electrically-based nervous system (it's magic-based instead) evilas-Today at 10:06 AM Huh, I must not be remembering Andalite Chronicles correctly I thought they did mention species of grass but maybe not(edited) Wingheart-Today at 10:07 AM maybe i'm not remembering it right evilas-Today at 10:07 AM ......ok but now I want to make a Unified Theory of Magic, DT, and Spacetime Nah, I read it over 10 years ago, I’m the one probably misremembering There’s 3 fundamental forces: Magic, DT, and the Soul Wingheart-Today at 10:12 AM souls in this are an emergent consequence of sapience anyway so...a Thing in this is that naturally humans and monsters are supposed to live together, like symbionts the presence of monsters is required for a human to develop magic-with the monsters sealed away humans lost the awareness of their own souls and their inventories and everything magic-related also, i just doublechecked-sans's shortcuts can't be z-space. z-space is white, sans's shortcuts involve the screen flickering black i could say his shortcuts are white in this, or i could say that sans is going either less turnways or more turnways when going in his shortcuts and so ends up in a different dimension that's either closer or further away than z-space evilas-Today at 10:19 AM W-space Wingheart-Today at 10:19 AM yes ...W-space is probably theorised by andalite scientists but they can't stabilize a w-space tunnel to go there, only a z-space one and here is Sans just casually using it because it's less effort than walking like. just casually using something andalite scientists have never been able to manage. beccause stairs are hard. but frisk and alphys are using z-space for the inventory stuff because it's easier to make a long-term tunnel and to store things in z-space without them getting lost dropping undertale into the animorphs universe results in major Outside Context Problems for the yeerks like...papyrus can make his attacks do 0 damage. that's something at least some monsters are capable of. it would make sense for papyrus to be able to make his attacks hit the yeerk inside of someone without hitting the person themself the animorphs basically have to come down and talk to the monsters and frisk. after all everyone present knows they're there
the whole point of it was that scene with tobias and ax being utterly bewildered and probably BSODing trying to handle frisk's infodumping probably, actually, in between frisk's bill wurtz esque infodumping and laconic comments there's chara rambling as well in a kind of...swapping out thing so, while casually infodumping about the yeerk invasion and time travel and magic and all that stuff, they're swinging wildly between three (two) styles of speech
TheSeer-Today at 3:49 PM So, the Ellimist is a gamer kid turned intergalactic deity Wingheart-Today at 3:50 PM yup TheSeer-Today at 3:50 PM What if he's the Undertale player? Like the one flowey pleads with after a pacifist run And then the next question - to save the Earth from alien invasion, do you want a pacifist Frisk? Or do you need them to have EXP? Because if the Ellimist reset a pacifist ending because he wanted a Frisk who could fight a war, Sans is gonna be pissed Wingheart-Today at 3:56 PM honestly i was thinking-a frisk who'd come from a cult backround and when they fell into the underground they were a violent cultist and did a kill all run up till undyne the undying, struggling through waterfall until chara's "the heroine appears" line made them realize that even chara, who'd also come from the same cult, didn't think they had to do this-didn't think it was right and then they went back and did a pacifist run to make amends so-they understand having been a kid who fights they may find parts of the Sharing familiar, it seems vaguely cultlike? iirc the full members, due to being under yerrk control, somewhat isolate themselves... imagine: frisk: [excitedly] "the full members remind me of the home i had before toriel! [completely deadpan] it sucked" like. you go to this place, the sharing. it seems to try to recruit especially vulnerable members of the community. there are two tiers of membership and one is 'full members' and everything to do with being a full member is completely secret. after becoming a full member, the sharing members act different. suddenly they are trying to push people to join the sharing and becoming obsessed with the sharing and not seeming to love non-sharing-members as much. if you were unaware of the possiblility of alien brain slugs using the sharing as a front to recruit unwilling 'meat puppets' to enslave, you'd call that a cult
imagine, if you will, tobias and ax, in the form of birds, sitting in a tree watching the undertale crew listen to frisk and sometimes interject with relevant information about magic or being surprised or whatever and just keepign up a running commentary of about 40% swearing and 50% variants of "what"
In which Taako Taaco is reincarnated as Harry Potter. Spoiler: snippets Taako did not expect to die (finally, permanently) of old age. He was right. The less said about that, the better. In any case, he died (relatively) young, and expected that that would be the end of things. Kravitz would come to reap him, and he would hang in the afterlife with his hot boyfriend and wait for his family to join him. Instead, he woke up moments later with a searing pain in his forehead and an alarming weakness in his limbs -- made even more alarming by the malevolent magic radiating off the thick, writhing mist in front of him. It rushed at him, and he tried to cast magic missile, but it was like he couldn't reach his magic -- it was getting closer -- he cast again, focus, focus -- a bright white light burst out of him and barrelled into the thing and it reared back, roiling in on itself and turning tail to vanish out the hole where a wall had probably been. -- Taako was fuming. He had realized partway through the trip with the giant man that the man was, in fact, not a giant -- he was just a baby. And sure, alright, he wasn't terribly happy about that, but hey, apparently reincarnation is a thing. Nothing wrong with that. Whatever went wrong with his and made him remember, he's grateful for it. So no, it wasn't that. It wasn't the incomprehensible language, either; who knew how much time had passed or where he'd been born? No, it was this: Taako had been left on a doorstep. In what was clearly the middle of fall. With only a blanket and a letter. As an infant. What the actual fuck?! -- Taako -- he didn't bother thinking of himself as Harry -- hit the end of the his patience at three years old. He stuck it out for practicality's sake until he was eight. -- When the woman calls “Potter, Harry!”, it takes him a moment to remember that that’s him. Grimacing, Taako saunters to the front of the room. He'll have to work on reacting to that name. What have we here? Taako wishes, abruptly, that he had a pearl on hand and could cast Identify. Ah, young wizard -- or not so young, I see -- you will find that modern witches and wizards have a different way of doing things than you are used to. But I assure you that my only function is to sort you. Will you tell anyone about my memories? Taako thinks back at it, already resigned. Certainly not. Now, shall we get on with your sorting? And, without giving him the opportunity to reply -- Let's see. A good mind, certainly, but not a great one. Not Ravenclaw for you. Similarly, you are not even slightly Hufflepuff-- Thank you. ...That was not a compliment. While I would not hesitate to call you brave, and for all that you cannot always be considered cunning, you are sly, deceitful, selfish, opportunistic, and your very own type of clever. I can see that you are most suited for SLYTHERIN! And the Great Hall falls into absolute silence for about three seconds before breaking out into whispers. Someone at the table behind him falls over. Taako shrugs, gives back the hat, and strolls towards the table of students dressed in silver and green. He got lucky, he thinks absently as deafening cheers quite suddenly burst from the table in front of him; that color scheme will look stunning with his new complexion. -- Attending Hogwarts went a long way towards explaining what the fuck was up with his magic. Apparently, he'd been brute-forcing it into the shape he'd wanted. Official Spells were much easier to cast. Then again, the wand probably helped. -- Sometimes Taako found himself falling into this deep kind of melancholy. It's just -- he misses Magnus and Merle and Kravitz and Angus and everyone, even Lucretia. Most of all, he misses Lup. He misses her smile and her sharpness and how she was such a dork and the coolest person he ever knew, including himself. And that was saying something, since he's pretty damn cool (That's a lie and he knows it, but hey, who needs to be cool when you can be fabulous?). It didn't help that he was surrounded by children he couldn't possibly connect with. He was hundreds of years old; no amount of immaturity was going to make up for that experience disparity. -- McGonagall's first lesson involved a warning about the limits of transfiguration, including the fact that transfigured food is completely inedible. ...Oh. So that was why his transmuted food made him sick. Well then. He'd thought he'd just lost his touch. -- They learn the blasting curse in Defense Against The Dark Arts. And the funny thing, well, the funny thing about triggers is that they can be seemingly random and unpredictable. Standing there, wand in hand, facing off against a dummy, all Taako can think of is blasting Barry off the deck of the ship and falling to his knees, unable to remember who he'd just killed or why he'd done it. Unable to remember a lot of things. His friends. His family. Lup, gods, Lup, what if he forgets her again? What if-- she's well and truly lost to him now, he won't get any more umbrellas or second chances with her, what if he forgets again? His memories are all he has to hold onto. If he loses those, he loses everything. He can't-- he can't-- what if he forgets? What if he forgets everything, everyone, what if-- -- In third year, a man named Lupin makes them face their fears. The others’ are silly; spiders and goblins and Snape. Taako doesn't know what his will be. He doesn't know if he wants to find out. In the end, he doesn't get a choice about it. The professor jumps in front of him and Taako snaps “What the fuck, homie?!” as the boggart transforms into some kind of floating orb. The man explains, with the class looking on, that he doesn't think it would be a good idea to invite even an inferior copy of “you-know-who” into the classroom. Taako tosses his hair. “You think I'm afraid of that bozo? Please, he tried to kill me and failed. Not exactly inspiring confidence there, you know?” There is a moment of hushed astonishment, even from his classmates who have heard him express similar sentiments before. He rolls his eyes. He kind of wishes he had gum so he could pop it. “You going to give me my shot at this or not, big guy?” He gets a raised eyebrow for his attitude, but the professor steps aside. “By all means, Mr Potter.” Squaring up against the thing, he expects it to turn into an agent of the Hunger, maybe, or even one of those dementor things from the train, but it doesn't. It turns into a voidfish. -- “Harry Potter,” Dumbledore reads off a slip of paper, and the hall goes quiet for all of two seconds. “Uh, yeah,” Taako says, “quick question: what the actual fuck?” -- Notes Taako is actually reincarnated into an alternate reality, not the distant future, but it takes him a bit to realize this. Taako does not even bother to pretend that English is his first language. Every time someone asks what language he's speaking he gives a different answer. Pretty much everyone thinks it's completely made up, with the sole exception of Luna Lovegood, who knows entirely too much for his peace of mind.
