Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

me: :wants to learn japanese, korean, and swedish.:
also me: :terrible at learning languages:

also i stopped with the book because i reached a point of being entirely fucking confused and upset. ill approach it tomorrow again and see if i can decipher any of it or not.

 

no pain today but weird withdrawal like symptoms for some reason? disoriented feeling and every time i move i sweat and shake. don't understand what's happening.

on the up side though, i finally had a guy be respectful on that penpal site for once? didn't open with a compliment on my appearance or Hey Beautiful or just Hey, actually started a conversation.

 

pro: made it to the doctor today and was seen
con: she has no idea and the running theory is either migraine related or some kind of weird sudden virus that hit me and passed.

aka: she got no clue rn :V and is gonna talk to my doc. and idk whats going on tbh.

 

doc wants me seen by neurology for things to follow up, which will take Months but i should have the phone number soon so Eh. I can at least get the process started i guess.

feeling kind of hopeless and weird again for some reason and im getting tired of it. i cant tell if im depressed, if its a migraine, or if something else is wrong.

im tired of this.

 

called the number i was given, was told i need a referral bc it's a new place.
checked the address.
it's an hour bus ride from home, and then a 7 minute walk.
which doesn't sound like a lot, i'm sure, but it is for me. it's a long walk for me.
this is really stressing me out because i'll have to juggle the bus time AND the walk and just be super early so i don't fuck up
yknow
whenever i actually get an appointment.


being disabled in the "every moment i'm upright is difficult" variety sucks. :'D

 

THE EARLIEST THEY COULD SCHEDULE ME WAS FUCKING MAY
AND THEY CAN'T SCHEDULE THAT FAR OUT
SO I WOULD HAVE TO CALL MONTHS FROM NOW AND HOPE I CAN GET IN
AT ALL

HOLY SHIT
become a neurologist, align with OSU, work in Columbus. Get Rich.

 

i get to be seen on the 4th bc they fucked up and thought i was a new patient despite being in the system
huehuehue

 

Witnessed for the fuckup, but winner for the appointment!

 

phew, what a busy day.. hour and a half bus ride to the dr office before things even started

• im at 256 now which i am Not pleased about 8///// but its also the least of my problems rn
• my blood pressure kept not registering, then after 2 failed attempts on the arm and a failed attempt on the forearm it registered at 106/74 with pulse at 91, so not bad at all.
• lady didn't treat me like a hypochondriac!
• i'm being started on a medication usually used on alzheimers patients for my migraines
• she said the spots on the mri might be a sign of migraines, might be nothing, but she also said she was comfortable ordering another mri since it's been over a year since the last one and my symptoms have been changing
• i'm following up with the POTS doctor that's still there in the system, since the initial one left, who might be able to give me more information/useful things
• lady generally was pleasant and the only down side of the day was that the bus home was 45 minutes late and I was losing my dang mind waiting for it while drinking coffee since i had a connection to make (which was also late luckily lmfao)
• managed to make the bus home riiiiight in time to avoid the homecoming parade on campus, and the bus wasn't overly full so I wasn't stuck standing.

only other down side is that i have to wait till monday to start my pills bc roomie left her bag in the conference room, which had her keys inside it, and there's no way to get it back till Monday. whoops.

 

Lot of ups and downs there, but I'm going to call it a win. I hope the new meds help!

 

i went to check my bank balance to know how much was in my budget for Food and stuff tomorrow, and I noticed the previously stated Pending charge for my mattress... disappeared? like. it didn't go through, it's not pending anymore, idk what's up with that?

am i getting a free mattress or something

im not touching a cent more than i'd have had already bc i don't trust like that, but uh. what give.

 

that happened to me the other month, my utility bill went from pending to not on my transaction list at all, and the utility company said it'd been paid and posted

about a week later, it just showed up as posted and went through? so something something their processing system was my best guess

alarming as fuck tho

 

sent letters, sent the money for my photos to be sent, called the college to correct my address since I couldn't do it on the site, applied for my first credit card, made myself dinner, and got a commission out of the blue.

all in all a busy day.

 

i was auto-denied bbies first credit card bc i have no prior credit and bc i'm too poor.

thanks bank.

i still want to get a credit card, but i don't know what to do or where to start with at this point??? i don't want a huge spending limit, i just need to build some credit and being on SSI is affecting me apparently. :/

 

managed physical therapy today at a more intense level than before, a fairly painful fasting blood draw.. idk what was so ouch this time, i guess the angle or something?? but it hurt like a motherfucker the entire time. aaaand therapy went well. C: talked about a lot of stuff but had a moment where i was explaining that i felt bad/stupid asking for accommodations bc im concerned im faking somehow, or bc i dont need them Enough(tm) or bc if I get them someone else will be impacted negatively somehow... that i realized this made no sense and i was operating on non-reality again.

so i guess ill be talking to security about accommodations when i visit campus soon to sign up lol.

she also said the A.A sounds like a good plan as a first step, just so i can complete that goal and then look towards others afterwards. so full steam ahead.

 

i splurged on a new book today bc im almost done with current one and wanted to take a Walk and Do Things so i went and did things by getting a book. C: it was a whole $6 but EH i was feeling dangerous.

idk wtf is happening today but its like im on the Up train and im gonna ride it as long as i can. my laundry is drying, ive fed myself, i took my meds, i showered, i did walkies, i bought a book, i sent an email to the college, im taking notes on things i want/need to take for classes...

busy busy busy

 

not high on serotonin anymore but still doing good! finished my first math book and while i still suck drastically at algebra, i got an 81% on the book as an average and tbh i am pleased with that number. its better than i thought it'd be.

 

day 2 of The Mathening and I'm sucking big time but that's the point: get through it and then switch books and try to learn what I don't understand, then get ready to do shit.

my plans for the weekend are p open, but so far today seems to be A Walk, perhaps to get a sandwich or just an energy drink, I guess I'll decide when I get there. tomorrow is groceries. Monday I'm gonna go to campus to talk to counselors and tuesday is therapy + mri. busy busy busy.

I've been not riding high still, but I've noticed a difference. my impulse control is... alright i guess? i can really resist something if i've gotta, but if the urge is there and there's no immediate No or reason against something I've been just... yknow. Rolling with it. and jumping into action. like when i went and traded those games and got my book and coffee, it was all impulses and yeah i could've just saved everything but at the same time it was like.. spontaneous urges being acted on = serotonin rush and getting more shit done. and in this case a lot of walkies is Good for me so yay, not that bad of an impulse i guess?

ive been jumping on the math for the same reason: i think it and i do it. im not letting myself sit back and ignore the impulse. don't want to waste it and so far it's rewarded me nicely. i did that crystal lounger piece in a fit of inspiration and impulse as well.

idk whats going on but tbh i don't mind it too much.

 

walkies was successful! almost didnt but im glad i did.
got. so sweaty. so very sweaty. as usual.

BUT. up side! footlong spicy italian sub that i demolished, a can of Mango Arizona and a large energy drink. 8) and walkies. so much walkies.

 

amazing thing: using the inhaler a doctor gave you for shortness of breath when you have shortness of breath... makes it possible to breathe easier.

Amazing, I know, but it's true.
and it only took me literal months to remember it and do it.