Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

almost fainted at the dr's office, lads. memo to self: it doesnt matter if the chair has an arm on it now, upright is still too hard to handle reliably. had to do the water and the cold cloth on the head route and was still swimming for a good several minutes.

doc wants me to see an opthamologist if my eye blurring doesn't get better in a few weeks on lower medicine dosage, and shes testing my b12 bc apparently there was a rash of afab folks with the exact same symptoms as me and my legs whose b12 was strangely low. if its even borderline she wants to start me on a supplement.

 

gonna make dinner later. brussel sprouts, cabbage, sweet onion, green bell pepper and kielbasa sausage all cooked together. :9

 

something i need to get used to doing is.. feeling boredom and not panicking. like. i can't constantly be making things, even if i want to be. i need to be able to just let myself detach from things and cope with feeling boredom instead of it being this overwhelming panic response.

can't focus on a drawing? "OH GOD I HAVE NO TALE- wait no that's extreme, im just not creative. :C"
can't focus on writing? "IM SO BEHIND THOUGH..IM DISAPPOINTING EVERYONE..."
can't focus on reading? "Oh man i feel so dumb. :C"

its not as bad as it used to be thanks to the meds but like. its still a pattern im noticing and i don't like it. i shouldn't feel this dread and sadness just because im not 100% invested in something at the time. :/

 

terfs are fucking terrible
radfems are exhausting and annoying as shit

im tired.
the end.

 

i slept like. 4 hours last night. and then napped for an hour earlier and ive been wide awake and chipper all day. just. generally genuinely stoked. it also snowed today and everyone's grumbly and frowny about the cold weather and my happy ass is just :D and sunshine and cookies about it all lmfao. idk what's up but im enjoying it.

 

i waited too long to get on my foodstamp renewal and when i did fix it we idn't have stamps. then i fixed the stamps and left the letters where they could be grabbed by the postal worker and no dice. no touching of them at all.i tried to do it online but it froze my account. then i left them where my roomie could take them to work, right on the toilet lid, but she didn't go into the bathroom i guess. so here i am the day they're meant to be accepted.. sending them after 6pm. ol-<

motherfucker this is going to bite me in the ass isnt it.

 

i got to go to 5 Below today. Got some Aggretsuko stickers and Bananya stickers, which are the cutest things in the fucking world. Got some cute chokers too. Was gonna get earrings but they're all from china and none of them had the hypoallergenic mark on the card so. ;v; Not worth it, since I'd react.. I also got an adult coloring book with lots of natural patterns in it that im excited about, and a 16oz water bottle with Slightly Bitter and a picture of a lemon on it. im hoping the smaller size of the bottle will help me drink more when i'm out and about, because it'll be easier to carry than the big clunky one that seems kind of over the top to tote around in my bag.

 

was getting back into bed to sit and my life flashed before my eyes bc my first surgery leg twisted and i felt Tension and a pop. im ok bc its so stable now but j f c i would've dislocated so badly if it'd been pre-surgery and would've hurt myself badly if itd been even a few months ago.

TY SURGERY LEG FOR BEING STRONG. TY.

 

feelings lots of Sads and im not sure why.. i just wanna be home cuddling my cat and sleeping in my own bed, i think.. ive been depressed all day today and its stupid.

 

that was nice. i found a new copy of Okage: Shadow King, a movie, some shirts, a skirt, a very nice mens bag for $3 that i foresee using a LOT, and some italian pasteries while we were out. =v= delicious cannoli coated in chocolate and a little cheesecake :9

 

also im excited, the hair straightener i need for doll wigs made out of yarn will be at my place on friday along with my roomies christmas present

Spoiler

the full set of that fencing manga

, some wig caps, and a book that i've been wanting to read. graphic novel of an interview with someone who was forced to be a comfort woman during war time in korea, i saw it before but picked the german book first with the intent to buy the second later bc it was more expensive in the store.

 

i feel v spoiled this trip, i've been having A Mom's home cooking and desserts, Family Vibes, and have been covered in animals. also its gorgeous out here even tho everything's brown and p dead, it's really neat to see. c:

all that said tho.. im still excited to go home tomorrow, i wanna cuddle my bby. ;v;

 

was gonna shower bc im gross buuuuut it looks like our pilot light went out :') tragic.

 

saw a "don't follow/retweet this artist bc brojohn drawings" style callout post on twitter and i feel nauseated.

 

toothache is so bad im calling dentist when it opens tomorrow to try getting seen about the root canal, oh god. ow ow ow. miserable. meds arent even touching it.

also... konohana kitan is an adorable anime

 

dude says our pilot light isnt just out, the gas is turned off. we don't owe anything to them, so why is it off???? ??? ??? The Fuck. AND WHEN WE CALL THEY SAY HIGH CALL VOLUME....

 

LIGHTS RE-LIT AND HOT WATER IN 45 MINUTES HALLEFUCKINGLEUJIA

 

look at the new babies im getting in the mail in like a week from canada. lookie lookie lookie aaaaaaaa im so fucking excited they were so cheap?? comparatively i mean, like. 29 dolls, very few with issues at all or missing parts, all equaling out to under $3.50 per doll when most other ads were for more like $10 per doll with more damages. AND i had a $5 off coupon AND I had $23 in my paypal account that i forgot about so it was even cheaper. im. Excited. I'm so excited. I might even start a thread?? is there a thread already? idk. i can't think straight im just too jazzed lmfao. SO MANY DOLLIES TO MAKE THINGS FOR...

 

it took 13 shots of number but the tooth is taken care of. it ate literally my entire day tho. like. i was caught in the "its almost time to go i can't do anything" thing for a few hours. then the bus detoured and i had to speed walk 15 minutes by surprise to make the appointment. then they were so busy i kept getting left to my own devices at different stages for up to thirty minutes at a time. then i missed the bus home by forty seconds. then the next one was late. then i got off at the wrong stop and had to walk AGAIN..... and finally got home at like 6:15pm. jesus.

also no crowns for me sadly, insurance says No so its just a big filling. i ain't got $750 for a crown.

 

saw the surgeon today. he was amused i think. i see physical therapy tomorrow for an evaluation, and get an mri in january, and then we'll discuss what to do as far as surgery needs. im skeptical about the physio bc like... my right arm is my dominant one. my left shoulder is Fine. my right shoulder, the arm that should be my strongest already, is fuckt for certain things. idk what miracles he's expecting to happen in three weeks.