Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

Math:
30 topics a week, a weekly written activity, the knowledge checks, and hopefully that means ill survive four math classes squished into one. i also have to do a hand written assignment thing and use my phone like a scanner to upload it as a pdf
History:
estimating 9 hours a week
French:
two in person french courses a week plus homeworkPsych:
stuff due by sunday night each week

im gonna dieeeeeee

 

Had a good con. Was ick today but a caramel macchiato revived me for a second wind. Classes start tomorrow and oh man I don't think I'm ready. I'm back to being intimidated because there's so much to do but I'm scared I'll forget something. Hggggggggggggggh

Also new goal for 2020 is to be strong enough to not only be walking around when I visit my friend in the UK to avoid wheelchair use, but to be strong enough to tackle Colossalcon on my own two feet as well! >:O :FIGHTING SPIRIT SOUNDS: my fortune for the new year already mentioned exercise, and doing well in classes and stuff, so why the fuck not. its an attainable goal. and as a bonus it means i'd be able to wear whatever tf i wanted as a cosplay. :3

 

im a little concerned that my reading comprehension has gone from "i remember some of this" to "I remember literally nothing you made me read" if I don't take longhand notes. Like.. its just. Gone. I remember the history bc i took the notes. The psych? Nope. nothing, I remember 0 things from the reading I did. I'm also concerned about doing the journal assignments for history just because... well. history journals. this is the class, albeit with a different teacher, that fucked me up super bad last time I was in school. I'm scared it'll wind up the same way, with me confused and barely stringing along.

in other news, I've been doing the math and I'll be walking a full mile each time I go to class due to the distance across campus and to the bus stops and such back and forth. if I can manage to walk from the union to home instead of taking the bus, that'll be 3 miles per week total minimum. which would be a good thing for me to do, tbh.

it'll suck. i won't like it. but if i want to get out of the wheelchair for con, this is a simple, achievable way to do it.

 

finished first day of french, and took my math thing.

disliked the class but Oh Well, three semesters a fucking hoy, i wish i was dead.
and i forgot every bit of math i ever learned when faced with the questions. c: so. that went. interestingly.

yup.

id like to a hug please. im feeling very not confident.

 

For math, if it helps any, I've often found that math seems more like a way of thinking? Like - math skills in my experience is the skill of knowing what the next step should be to solve something. And when you don't practice thinking through that process, it can make you super rusty when you go back to it (me @ math theory) but! Once you know it, it's super easy to fall back into, the learning curve is just a little steep! And as you remember things, it'll come faster

(Admittedly, you might process math totally differently than I do tho)

 

I'm feeling calmer now, I think. I wrote to my friend/penpal longhand for a while and it was soothing. I might even take a bath later. Right now I finished listening to the TED talk for French, did the signature thing she wanted, read the syllabus again, signed up for the online course. did my math test but im not touching the math proper till tomorrow i don't think. history i might poke again. but tonight im staying up late to do some psych notes.

first typing them out. then writing them longhand to remember them. then chattering about the info in the infodump channel on discord to try making it sink in even more.

French class is going to be a lot of flailing and struggling, I can already feel it, but I've got to manage it somehow. There are 16 year olds in my class, I'm sure if they can do it I can do it too. I think im the oldest person in my class? potentially. I have a feeling I am, most people are in their 20s. I'm not as bothered by it as I thought I would be. I think because the teacher herself is so intense.

My cat is on my lap on my textbook trying to distract me, and its working because she's cute.

i just need to remember to slow down... things aren't as dire as they feel.. ive got time... everything has time.. i can do this. i can get through this.

 

me, realizing my freakout was actually me being triggered to hell and back and having ptsd flashbacks without knowing

 

in other words hello its 3am and im typing up psych notes still like a stubborn jackass bc i wanna finish typing them before sleeping so i can write them up tomorrow.

 

i officially have con crud and wish to die pls and thank omfg i slept like 2 hours and feel like dogshit.

 

to do before sunday night, aka to do tonight: watch two lecture videos and take a few little quizzes and look at the journal for psych.

also to do tonight: write on my math assignment and turn it back in to the teacher as instructed.
to do tomorrow: survive french class, take more notes.
to do by end of next week: history questions im struggling with on the gilgamesh thing, do my best, turn it in, watch a thing and discuss it with my group on blackboard.

im. ...... ahead? im on time and kind of ahead? im not drowning? im doing okay?
im starting to hit equilibrium and get my head above water now that the panic is gone.

 

after almost dying just going to get oranges and medicine
im not going to french class tomorrow
i emailed her and hope that does anything
im not sure it will but oh well
i feel so fucking sick i want to die

 

my fever broke last night, i woke up shivering in wet blankets. if i don't move i feel 40% like a human being.

 

the shivering came back and my skin hurts. existing hurts. im freezing again.
i forgot my meds yesterday and today till just now
my period came
every time i cough, its headache

my teacher gave me my french info but its a lot to even look at right now let alone try to learn. i feel overwhelmed again and want to stop existing.

 

I'm getting healthier, but not about this french. im panicking and upset and it's stupid. even just writing it is making me panic.

im. ..... im gonna ask my psych what to do on Tuesday. I don't know what to do.
who knows, maybe i'm actually exempt from language courses and don't know it. if i am, i can try to transfer to something else instead and just... yeet myself out of this class asap.

 

me: :screaming panicked over french:
also me: :gets 75-100%'s on every inch of the homework so far.:

me: :screaming panicked over gilgamesh bullshit and this papyrus thing:
also me: :flails and manages to at least get the shit done, gonna have friends check it later:

me: :chill about psych:
also me: :first one to turn in the journal about shit:

im Flail but im Doin Shit

 

.......i think im done? im done with all my homework? i get the rest of the day to myself???? ? ?? ? ??? if i feel like it i can do more stuff later on to get ahead but for right now im a Free Birb, hell yeah.

 

psych man said he'd give me a waiver for my language requirements because of the borked brain fucking with the ability to learn new things and focus and memorize. which. a godsend tbh. but i need to call asap in the morning and find out what to do, and what to do to switch classes because if i can get a waiver then i don't need the class anymore and need to change my schedule around..

which. godsend again tbh, its the second week and i want to bawl any time i think about this class, im so confused even with note taking and practice.

 

according to advisor friend, getting a waiver for language would be Very Difficult. so it may not be an option. but im still dropping this french class, i've decided.

osu has better situated language classes on offer anyway, and in a few years it might be different for me, so.. imma do it there instead.

 

french: vanquished.
we're a biological anthropology household now.

 

I had a prehistoric bio anthropology class one semester to fill a science requirement & it was super interesting!