Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

mammogram: complete and

ow ow ow ow my tiddy ache now.

 

woke up at 6:30 and so far I've:

• gotten my mammo results (clear)
• contacted the trans clinic and made an appt for July (new patient and they only operate Wednesdays so further out)
• contacted my surgeon about the next steps bc now I've made contact, I've got someone willing to write my letter, etc.

I'm still kind of anxious about getting this done, because it's such a big procedure. But I still feel like I'll probably be happier once it's done.

 

i broke my diet of ten days and went 800 calories over my goal bc i ate an entire box of mac and cheese spur of the moment after my dinner drink bc i was still hungry. not a portion of mac and cheese, the entire box again. and i felt so sad and upset with myself but yknow what I realized?

THIS HOE FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR MEDS THIS MORNING LMFAO IMPULSIVE BULLSHIT WAS GONNA HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT, THANKS A LOT BPD

 

my bike delivery is delayed a daaaaaaaay :cries:

 

managed to get bike put together and immediately jumped on for an impromptu 5 mile ride lmfao. 200 calories: Burnt. im so pleased with myself. imma try to do it again later tonight, but this seems to be a good starting point for me. C: My legs are tired but not in a bad way, and there's no pain! frame is a wee bit wobbly bc im plus size and its a bit cheap but yknow what? it works and is sturdy enough so im gucci.

 

THE GLASSES ARE HERE AND THEY'RE GREAT IM IN LOVE
im so worried i'll somehow break them, they're my first metal set i've had in years, but they should be sturdy. should be. im just so used to plastic.

 

I am being Mature and Responsible and not pushing myself too much. I wanna be on that bike MORE even now, despite being on it twice already, and I'm stopping myself bc I'll wreck myself if I push too much on day 1. 400 calories is a damn fine start, and it's making me go 8D to see the lower calorie number after I delete it from my in-taken calories. Yeeee exciting. And still no pain! A bit stiff going downstairs, a bit weak, which is why I'm not doing a round three. But damn.

I'm proud of me rn.

 

I'm Exercise Tired and it's a strange, refreshing, relaxing feeling. I'm yawning a half hour earlier than usual and feel like once I hit the sheets I'll be out like a light. I hope this starts helping my sleep habits too tbh.

 

Congrats on exercise!!

 

bike still going great but PHEW am I getting a hit of fatigue from using it. I'm not used to being physically active so I expected the chronic fatigue to kick up at some point, but I'm powering through it best I can >:U I am stubbornly getting my 200 calories every time I get on.

 

brain back on top surgery doubts because i don't loathe my boobs and even like them sometimes. trying to debate how much i like them. how much i want to bother with them or not.

did a tarot pull.
do it: wheel of fortune in reverse.
don't do it: the fool.

argh come on brain, let me feel one emotion. i was so fucking excited when i first found out! so excited! and i don't think that was mania! i'm still following the steps to do this, but the panic and "oh god i should stop" is there and its making me cry!

 

maybe i should wait and put it off for a while.. idek anymore..

 

in other news I just talked to my family for the first time in almost a decade. my grandpa specifically. i hadn't heard his voice in ages. he's 92 now.
I can't even imagine that.

 

brain: :panic about boobs:
me: maybe if i get it done i don't have to explain anything to anyone beyond "it's something I needed to do and I don't want to get into it rn"
brain: :stops panicking about boobs, goes back to mellow chillness and peace:
me: ................ OK????

 

the rush of family has Begun. aunt contacted me on Facebook where I am Visibly Out and very outspoken about it recently on my feed, exchanged emails with the scary uncle who does indeed seem mellower now in his older age, and just friended two cousins on facebook as well.

j e s u s i worry im gonna get the bends from jumping in the deep end but at the same point i feel very in control about it this time. im the lost family member who recently returned from where the fuck ever I've been hiding, very open about everything, and like. what're they gonna do if I'm something they don't like, disown me? lmao, yeet me back to the nether? i'm their problem now.

 

barely slept last night. was up Very late because of misplaced late night caffeine and ENERGY from all the family contact and new things happening and the hype, and then couldn't sleep at all bc racing thoughts, then watched some videos and tried to sleep again and just kept tossing and turning till 7am when I gave up. Oi vey.

 

uncle is going to send me money so i can get a plane ticket and skip my ass out to Colorado to go see Grandpa before it's too late. He's 92 and holding on now, but who the fuck knows what might happen, y'know? and it's been Ages since I saw him last. and with grandma already gone, its just fitting to do ASAP. I'll also get to see the rest of the family while there, or at least most of them, and will be able to catch up with everyone. I'm excited tbh.

 

do i just have a dirty mind or does anyone else see the genitals in the flower.

Spoiler: big picture

 

looks like July will be when I go visit Grandpa and everyone out there. Gonna call him and try to sort out the dates tomorrow, see about specifying when and where and how so I can plan things out for being picked up and where I'll be staying ahead of time so it's not so sudden and by surprise. Let folks plan around me appearing instead of me just randomly turning up and wrenching whatever plans there are. My uncle is transferring money to the shared account this weekend, and by the time my replacement card arrives I should be gucci to get the tickets sorted and figure everything else out. things are movin' quick bois.

I've never bought plane tickets before though so this should be interesting :U

 

One thing I can advise is clear your browser history or enable no tracking software while you're shopping around to avoid price inflation. Airlines and hotels are both bad about that. :/