Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

a democratic rep got teargassed here earlier.

there was a state of emergency issued for downtown earlier, and now there's a curfew in place.

shit's gettin' Real.

 

learned my favorite uncle is in a nursing home and has been for who knows how long.. that he's not doing well at all. I miss my mother, she was my link to that side of my family, I've got nobody to reach towards anymore.

 

took a leap, reached out to a cousin on my mom's side to casually say "man when this pandemic stuff is over with, I should come visit ya'll. I realized greyhound services your area, it'd be doable now."

I feel like I'm going to pass out lmfao I'm taking so many leaps lately, and this one has no guarantee of working out, but it's worth a shot.

 

me: :pokes at my Methodist knowledge cautiously with a stick and hoots at it in case it's a threat.:

idk what's up with me but like. i want a bible. I'd like to re-read it. I'd like religion to not feel like a threat to me anymore, and I vibe with this more than the baptist side from my grandma. will i keep doing my bit of witchery? oh yes, I will, but. idk man. i got a hankering out of the blue and I'm sitting here looking at bibles and churches like I'm doing something naughty and it feels very odd.

 

Reddit: suspicious activity! we've locked your account! reset your password!
Me: :tries to reset password three times:
Reddit: reset your password, we'll send you a link! C:
Me: ..... you just keep sending me to the same place, also the only account access has been from MY IP address. let me just deactivate the account, I don't use it anyway.
Reddit: reset your password, this account has been locked!!

 

good therapy session, got lots done.

 

god i love painted ladies. i need to add a chunk into that memoir thing I linked in my abuse thread about mom and i driving around to see those in Keokuk when we were on vacay. and about driving in rich neighborhoods at night during christmas with dad, in our own state. xD

 

new debit card turned up yesterday but i don't remember the pin so i couldn't activate it in the store.. activated it online, the code is apparently in the mail and will be here in a few days? likely even tomorrow, according to lady on the phone. we shall see. i look forward to securing my tickets at this rate and being done with that stage of planning so i can go "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" for a month before traveling lol

 

Yeah, they generally don't send the two in the same letter, for obvious reasons ;)

 

SCORE Silence of the Lambs is on Netflix 8D

 

its raining and peaceful and ive read more than i have in ages even if it's only a few chapters of Sense and Sensibility for the first time
but i feel icky
i feel nauseated and kinda weak and my head hurts
and it sucks

 

got my tickets purchased! so fucking nerve wracking but i think i did it right and paid for the pre-paid checked baggage so it was cheaper. and did a travel insurance thing for $20 more Just In Case. I'm still lowkey terrified I somehow did this wrong or did a misstep and I'll get screamed at or get in trouble, but it feels like I did it okay??? Question mark??? United was very straight forward, and I know my checked bag'll weigh less than 50lbs and my personal item will be my laptop bag with my medicine and wallet and stuff in it so like. I'm Gucci, yeah?

please god let me be gucci.

 

only took me 6 hours to chill tf out 8D no sign of email from uncle, might not even be getting one. idk. i'll check before I go to bed and tomorrow at some point but tonight seems to be clear. I'm not even realistically sure what there'd be to yell at me for? I just assume I'm gonna get yelled at because he's a boisterously angry person.

....how the FUCK did I survive being this anxious 24/7 in the past???

 

i impulsively made an eHarmony account because I was curious and because it was one of the sites that Nathan DIDN'T use to cheat on me lmfao. I'm not a premium account, so it's more looking at blurry pictures and account info rn, but it's interesting.

and terrifying lmfao ive got nothing to offer anyone rn.

 

the first person who's making some eyes at me who seems interesting is.... australian, living locally. xD idk why but this amuses me. i've got several aussie friends, I seem to just keep collecting them for some reason.

 

it's impossible rn, but i've been looking at houses for sale. my brain's doing that thing of "Hahahaha what if roomie and i and another person or two all got a house together and lived and split expenses together wouldn't that be cool, we could have a big garden too lmao"

and the best part: im not terrified of bad shit happening right after, like i used to be with nathan. any time i looked at houses, bad lucked followed. higher powers sincerely didn't want me to get invested in a house with the jackhole.

 

well there went that dating site. eharmony was nice, but asked for money after two messages so like :/
deleted it.
gonna try plenty of fish...
it's one of the sites nate used to cheat on me so I have weird feelings about it but it might be nice.
I don't want to use tinder because like.. i don't want something fast and short term, i want something slower and longer.

 

pro of my meds: keeps the demons at bay, keeps me sane, keeps me safe.
con of my meds: weight gain, occasionally i can hear myself Blinking and hear my eyes moving around. like. rn. :llllll i am not a fan.

 

broke down and sent away for a new pulse-ox since mine seems to have disappeared. also some really cute bright luggage tags with kitties on them so i can spot my bag easier when i travel.
.... and a book about complex ptsd that caught my interest. From Surviving To Thriving. I'm certainly thriving now compared to before, but I backslide now and then. it'd be interesting to read something by someone else about it, esp now that im writing my little memoir thing on the side.

 

Pro: got my new pulse0x!
Con: 136 standing, 84 laying. as usual. lmfao.