Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

video call therapy is really awkward for me. half the time it's great, I get a lot out. other times are like now where I just feel awkward and exhausted and it lasts half as long bc I can't think of anything to talk about.

 

this covid shit changed my flight time for my trip apparently, and i dont know how it changed it for sure because its almost 1am when i noticed

and now im scared it'll change again before the date, or worse, after I'm already out there if I'm suddenly without internet or something. just.
fuck man why can't things be simple.

 

Flight changed Again. Everything leaves at 7:30am now, both in and out. In is fine, it's early and sucks but roomie can crash home again and nap more,and airport is fairly close so it's not the end of the world. It's the out flight that's the issue.

I have to get from Crawford Colorado to Grand Junction by like 6am now, and I'm just... anxiety. because I'm gonna be Hella imposing on my family for this, despite it being out of my hands. I called and can't change it because every flight through july 19th is leaving at 7:30am and might go even beyond that. Idek. I'm kinda screwed at this point. All because of this Covid mess.

I also have a layover in Chicago now on the way there, so I'm like????? ? ? ? ?? ?? More stressed? Because huge fucking airport and getting around and just.

I hate traveling, I hate traveling alone, and I hate planes and I hate Covid.

 

i got a headache and took some ibuprofen
got coffee milk and a fruit bar to nom when i can make myself eat it
ive got games and drawings to focus on, and i can re-read the fic i was gifted
but im just

im so stressed i feel like im spiraling now
I can't do an uber bc it'd be like $120+ dollars bc its an hour and change drive.
I have to impose on my family for this and hope someone's cool with getting me there in time so I don't miss my flight.
I'm just. Screaming internally. It's not a fun time.

 

less stressed, got a positive reply from family who realize it's not my fault. still stressed but less Exploding Flailing stressed.
thank god.

 

doc wants to finally up my dose of mood stabilizer after so long of being on the same dose. apparently my occasional bouts of "I ONLY NEED 3 HOURS OF SLEEP EVER" and the downs aren't a good thing lmfao.

 

so friend and i are planning to make a game. we made a server to organize shit and started to collect information and gather ideas so we can formulate this properly as a concept.

this isn't important at all, but we decided on the town name/location for the first time today and it's cute, and decided on a studio name to work under for paper trail purposes.
it has No Impact on Anything but morale.

but Studio Puffy Mushroom lives.

 

side project of basic visual novel to gain experience is Go. don't know a working title yet, but i've got characters being formed and formulated. it's gonna be a pain in the dick to make all the assets, but it'll be useful experience that I don't have right now. and hey, it's an excuse for Kemonomimi, what can I fucking say.

 

got my bag packed and downstairs. think i've got everything ready. got my laptop bag that i'll be carrying on with me, passport bc my id is still out of date and the passport's good enough, wallet, book, sketchbook, notebook, pen, pencil, eraser... medicine in their bottles, clean clothes for the morning. fruit bars. phone charger. hhhhhhhithink its all okay...???? i think???? ride is set up, will have time to get my bag checked in and get my boarding pass and through security and stuff

i Think im not forgetting anything???? i think??????? god please let this go okay, im so tense.

 

talked with scary uncle about trip without freaking out till afterwards, so score
apparently i'll be in the little house behind grandpa's, a little cabin. swamp cooler works just fine apparently, they had it checked. so i'll have privacy. i'll also apparently have access to a car i can drive???? tho i have no license?? ? ?? ? ?? ?? ??????????????????????????????????????
so
there's that

fingers crossed re:wifi
fingers crossed re: my phone working when i arrive so i don't have to resort to a payphone to get picked up at the right terminal
fingers crossed for Everything Working Out, Oh God.

 

getting to airport: tire blew on way when we were almost there, couldn't pull over, roomie drove me on road that lasted forever on a broken tire so i'd make my flight in time. she a hero.
getting checked in: lame but workable, managed it.
first flight: sweaty mess from the walk through the airport, sweaty mess the entire duration of the flight, exhausted and shaky by end.
first connection: o'hare was. rlly simple. 5 minute walk. surprise. made it right as they were boarding tho BC THE FIRST FLIGHT WAS LATE BY 20 EFFIN' MINUTES
second flight: uncomfy, sweat a ton, only turbulence was when i was trying to stagger my way back from the fucking toilet.
second connection: I HATE DENVER... SO MUCH.... waited 45 minutes for someone to help me with a wheelchair when i was told it'd only be 20 minutes. made the long ass walk to the next terminal by way of wheelchair with literally 3 minutes to spare. then was pushed a long ass way onto the runway through tarps because???? ? ? ? ????? small aircraft i guess?? idk it sucked.
third flight: exhausting, cramped, very tired.

the book i brought with me sucks and i want a new one, everything is cramps and tired and sweat and im trying to convince myself to take a shower.
i miss my kitty a lot already.
like.
a lot a lot.
but i just got here so like. imma have to Deal With It.
im also walking denver when i go through again because fuuuuuck waiting for help apparently l m f a o. its my only connecting flight so i should be gucci to tire myself out once.

 

trip is going really well so far. c: been traveling with fam and gone swimming, gonna swim again today. have had a lot of solo time as well to decompress and rest. the up side of having older relatives i guess lol. they're in the know about my pots and dont question it, i get plenty of time to rest. im staying in a trailer on my own with a gigantic yellow lab/redbone mix named Buddha for company. Its Very Dry here, like. dry enough the springs cant keep up with the demand of water. so if anyone knows how to get Rain to happen, Delta County colorado'd sure appreciate it :U just sayin'.

got lucky at the store the other day, the salvation army. got a new purse bc mine was a shedding mess. new sandals, same brand and my favorite style as the ones i brought that ive had for ten years. got some shirts. and a bodice ripper for the ride home bc my book i brought sucked dick, might as well get some historical smut up in here. its from the 70's and apparently is well regarded.

trip home is figured out too. we'll be staying the night at a hotel on the 13th and ill shuttle to the airport on the 14th in the early morning so i can get everything taken care of. c: less stress less mess.

 

ope, no swimmin' today, everyone's exhausted from yesterday so today is just a nice lazy day with Buddha. <3

 

psst I know we don't talk but, but...can I have the title of the bodice ripper plz

 

Savage Surrender, by Natasha Peters

apparently heads up for Assault, Constant Drama, and some problematic things someone could expect from a random white woman writing a story in the 70's.

 

I have that exact book in the bottom drawer of my nightstand with my small collection of thrift store bodice rippers. I read it a year ago and it didn't leave much impression on me. It was written well? Normal as far as "novel involving native americans written by a white person" uncomfortable goes.

One Hundred White Women is a better white lady/native novel. A personal favorite of mine, a western, less involving native americans, will make you cry in a good/sad way, is These Is My Words. Sort of written as a diary, a good love story.

Fave bodice ripper is called Lord of Scoundrels. Very good, hottest kissing in the rain scene I've yet found.

( I know you didn't ask but I'm a book geek, I gotta)

 

i cant recall my favorite's name but it was a historical western where the guy was a douchebag and the actually changed for the better and the lady wasn't a helpless heroine the entire time. some of the scenes have stuck with me since i was a tween when it was gifted to me by a well meaning aunt who understood puberty needed Some kind of an outlet xD I will keep an eye out for these other titles though when I browse the thrift stores!

 

just spent an hour listening to a preacher talk shit about BLM and go off the rails about communism and politics and socialism and generally being a bit of a Shit

the singing was nice
but fuck that guy :U i was so uncomfortable

at least the day isn't shot, i've got swimming to do soon.

 

Hope the swimming makes up for the shit dude in the pulpit!

 

it did! got to have some time with my really busy aunt (who sadly is very deep in that church), and floated in the pool a lot bc halfway through swimming my shoulder said No. I'm gonna be going to the hotel with the other aunt later today so i can stay overnight and then go to the plane in the morning. and im. so hype to be home. its been fun and ill miss the big doggie, Buddha, but I'm looking forward to being home and around my own things and my kitty ;v;