Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

home safe and sound, cuddled my kitty, slept the night away and woke up comfortable. did laundry first thing in the morning. sore, tired. sleeby still. trying to get myself back into the swing of things and back into my usual habits, feels weird.

i miss Buddha. :< but I'm so glad to be back with my kitty.

in other news: my coding book came! theres 2 more coming, but. yes. C++ for games and hopefully I'll be able to start learning some shit for the project my friend and I want to do. I'm intimidated and kind of scared bc brand new and out of my normal range, but.... yeah hopefully good things will come from it. or at least new understandings of things if im lucky. bby newb to programming will be making MANY mistakes.

 

im still adjusting to my new meds and i think thats whats up but its like all my mojos disappeared and everything feels pretty flat and im just.... not happy with it, i want to be able to draw. orz

 

finally watched Hazbin Hotel with my friend and GOD I'm living

 

i don't really write much in the way of tentabulge smut, but boi howdy I was commissioned to write it and write it i shall. :U

BOLDLY INTO THE XENO FRONTIER, ADJUST ON THE FUCKING FLY AND HAMMER HOME

 

gaze upon my new child and weep
their little blushies are so cute
its BIG too, and was only twenty bucks at gamestop

 

i got a new doll for $5 at Target earlier. A Snapstar doll. The doll itself looks like of walleyed and I'm not pleased with the head, but the body is nice?? It's fully articulated, including the ankles, and the feet aren't in a permanently-in-heels setup. im gonna see if i can fenangle another head onto her body instead at some point...

i also got a coloring book and a 120 pack of crayons bc fuck it, Little Mode Activated. today's been stressful.

 

my longtime friend only now realized i write smut and im like
oh you sweet summer child its what im Known for

 

feeling kind of weird. not bad, not great, just... like im floating kinda.
maybe im still adjusting to my med dosage? or maybe this is just the new normal?
i've got no idea, but it feels Weird tbh.

 

made my first aliexpress order. all from a stationery store. lotta stickers and a few things i plan to give to friends. c: some pens.. hope it all goes well. place looks legit and the prices arent Too Good To Be True but not expensive either so. :fingers crossed:

 

im realizing im too hard on myself for productivity. ive been slipping back into that "unless im making something im worthless" stage again, and while normally that'd be one thing and I could deal with it, the pandemic has been making it even harder to deal with bc my schedule is so out of whack.. i need to just. mentally train myself to remember that it's okay. it's also summer break right now, it's not like i have any deadlines to worry about. it's okay to be a bit lazy or not make things. there's no deadline, no other people to worry about.. i should be enjoying this time instead of feeling pressured. school starts in a month and then im doing two full load semesters in a row, i'll be wishing for the lazy time to come back soon enough.

 

all day I've felt like something was going to happen, like something was coming, but then nothing's come? its weird.. like. anxiety but not anxiety if that makes sense. I don't feel scared and anxious like I normally would, I just feel tense and keep refreshing things and can't focus..

must still be adjusting to new medication but ugh its annoying. :/

 

so it turns out that the Bluh Anxiety feeling was a migraine! I took a migraine tablet.
and then wound up so fucking jazzed and inspired i ripped my room apart getting fabric, cut it out, and pieced together two bags i've owed friends for ages. finished them this morning.
but i stayed up till 3:30am? and then woke up at 8:30 fine and dandy?
idk what else to call this other than a mild mania
i feel so great
everything is bright and colorful and exciting again and its such a relief

 

less speedy now. still up, still jazzed, but making myself finally relax. peaceful... gonna re-fold my fabric in a bit so my tub will close again. watching stationery hauls on youtube to calm down because ??? apparently that's how i relax lmfao. re-learning how to study is hard, too, I've been researching different methods and I think hopefully if I'm lucky a hybrid version will stick with me this upcoming semester.

 

i think the speedy is Gone and god am i paying for it.
i feel so exhausted. like. i slept till 10, a solid 10 hours, barely moved. an hour later i napped for an hour and a half. napped again a while later for a few more hours. woke up at 4. its almost 7, ive done Nothing and im just exhausted.

so tired. sleeby. just.. want more nap... resisting..

 

that moment in drone season where words stop wording and you can't think straight about your topic so you drop it and shift gears on a different one instead and hope words good this time.

 

not doing that specific event but holy hell mood.

...this is probably part of why i didn't hit my camp nano goal haha o o p s. i wish you luck with your wordsing!!

 

the chipboard i bought is too smal... 8lc imma have to figure out what to do with it and order the right size next time.. or big size so i can just trim. or make mini aged notebooks? i guess???? ? ? ? ?? they're only 4x6 which is def smoller than i intended, its my own fault for not checking the sizing was correct before buying lmfao.

got so antsy waiting for the new school year that i just started re-tackling kana. again. hopefully it fucking sticks this time, i'm so frustrated with not being able to learn even the goddamn alphabet. everywhere wants me to start learning kanji before I've even finished learning the kana and it's like "bruh".

picked up a penpal from finland and someone else in the usa that was collecting penpals and had similar interests.

writing has been. not going great. im struggle. im struggle lots. but im hoping it'll click. i've got no choice but to make it click.

 

write is happens!! words!!! slow, but WORDS

managed grocery shopping today, got drenched in the rain and felt great, got some school supplies, started to write a bit, remembered my meds. feel very positive but not speedy. hoping i can get a lot done.

also im clinging to my laptop hoping for updates about my aliexpress order and my stationerypal order bc :Cling: gib..... pakig....

 

I finally gave up and just blocked every continent I wasn't asking for people from. It's finally cut back the number of thirsty dudes creeping on me, I feel so much more peaceful now. Thank God.

 

OwO my friend working in japan said she'd mail me stationery as a prezzie. I said I was hoping to send her money and ask her to pick some cute things out, but suddenly prezzie? maybe bc i sent her a box before. xD im hype! she has good taste, i trust in her <3