Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

this is tmi but what the fuck its my own thread: bonus of cycling has been regularity. I'm suddenly becoming a lot more regular now, it's great. Normally there's a lot of constipation from my medicine, but NOPE THIS HAS BEEN DAILY NOW INSTEAD OF EVERY FEW DAYS I FEEL WONDERFUL that awful tension feeling is gone too.

 

So as some as you may have seen on the front page, I severely bombed my math tests. Like. My highest attempt was a 27% bad. It was kind of awful. I got really stressed out from that and I was sad and cried. ...But that was it. I was frustrated and stressed and cried a normal human amount because I was sad, and I didn't spiral or break down or have a huge issue. My only other thing was the stress woke me up at like 4:40am because I was having a nightmare about a multiple choice test. Which is ironic bc if it was multiple choice I probably would've done much better than I did. :'D
So that sucked. But I'm proud I survived it with little setback. woo.

Let's see.. ah, right. Recently I was contacted by the school's guidance counselor and they got back to me earlier. They pointed me at the disability job services again and.. idk. Maybe I should try again. I'm much more stable now than I was before, and I've changed my major to something more marketable/searchable and have more classes under my belt. I feel kind of hopeful about it? Apprehensive but hopeful. Maybe I'll send an email to the person they recommended... I'd need them to understand that I'm in school and can't overdo things first off, but it'd be nice to have some income I've earned, too. idk. Can't hurt to at least ask questions, right?

 

did my italian tests, not super sure how well i did? we shall see. im glad that it's not like... the entirety of my grade tho.

 

The brain is willing, the body is miserable and in pain. I took a long walkies! .7 miles one way, .7 back, with about 2 hours of walking and sitting in between bc i took my breaks where i could manage to get them. I severely underestimated how much the mask would fuck with my asthma while exercising that much, and between it and the pots i was at 165bpm almost the entire time. but i did it. i went to the stores i wanted to go to and made it back in one piece.

i got to borders with two sit downs on the way, because my hips and lower back were killing me. yay hip impingement. i had to sit on the floor on the second floor of the borders then, because ALL THE SEATING WAS GONE. security guard thought i was acting shifty so he kept a close eye on me for a while, but eventually saw my "I have no life im a psychology student" shirt and apparently was super amused. Got "Dykes to watch out for" which ive wanted for a while, an italian book, and a copy of The Stand. Went to Gamestop across the street, didn't see a game I wanted, but settled in for a discount Aggretsuko tshirt, some animal crossing socks, and a controller for my switch so i can actually play my mario game without it feeling like im gonna die. something about sunshine just NEEDS a controller, man. it's also a cute clear blue one so bonus. B) gonna have to figure out how to use it later.

made my way back home and had a bitch of a time bc only One place to sit and try not to die. was very weak and shaky when i got home. very sweaty. considering my body thinks i was running for two hours, im not surprised. but im glad i went and did that. im glad i survived it.

i will not be doing it again for quite some time lmfao.

 

pro: my psych studies mean i can recognize patterns I didn't recognize before.
con: that means i can track the abuse cycle my friend is stuck in in her marriage and it makes me really sad.

 

i finally have a night off from school work bc i busted ass this week and fought tooth and nail for my free time. tomorrow i just have to write an article up in a specific way. like. i have time to draw for the first time in a WHILE and....

.......

im struggling. like.. im struggling to think of what to draw. i dont wanna just draw a sheet of doodles but I Might if this bullshit keeps up. :U

 

Made soup today. c: I fucked up and bought bone in split breast chicken that was hard to work with for my other recipes, but worked find for soup. boiled it with seasonings and carrot and onion and lots of garlic and ginger till cooked and then shredded the chicken off the bone. then added green onion, two packages of different mushrooms, MORE garlic, paprika, and a few other things. Blammo: delicious stewed down chicken soup.

 

well that’s just what happens when you buy chicken at the soup store

 

Goddamn i picked a competitive ass field to go into. A very demanding competitive ass field. No more C's Get Degrees mantra for me, it's nut up or shut up.

 

apparently its also super abnormal to stay on at your alma mater for grad school but like
i can't afford to go anywhere else
i can't afford to live on my own
i've got no choice but to apply here when time comes

 

MRI went p well. hearing in left ear is mildly shot bc the earplug came out in the middle. i got a bad hot flash and was Sweat. and my lower back locked on me and i had to be hefted up by a very hot nurse who was very kind. im thankful for him. i would've had to roll my ass to the ground and gotten up that way otherwise, it was like. mind numbing whiteout pain levels, it was Wild.

 

So my plan is still clinical psych, but the ideal of counseling was brought up. I'd still be helping patients one on one in much the same ways, but I'd A. only have to get a Masters and B. wouldn't need nearly as much math courses, and C. wouldn't have to fight tooth and nail just to survive.

They're similar, very similar, but with just enough differences that I'm still staring at clinical psych and making heart eyes, despite all the math and lab work it'll entail.

idk. I'm gonna keep doing research and see what choice feels better when it comes time to make those choices.

 

sadface, no discount cchocolate for ryn :<

 

okay. more research has been done, and it looks like the Masters will be my aim. i feel comfortable with this. just gotta keep expanding my understanding of things, do well in all my classes, and secure that transfer on time.

in excellent news, i got an 86% on my biology exam that I was so sure I'd do poorly on. c: I just need to bust my hump to get a good grade in my italian tests next week. I've got a chapter test, a speaking test, AND a written test all due next week and I'm Nerves but I know I can do well if I just work hard at it. Or at least do passably, the lady is a really fair grader and just wants us to do well. Entirely different vibe from the "IF YOU MISS A SINGLE ONE OF MY CLASSES JUST DROP OUT BECAUSE YOU'LL FLUNK AND IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT" lady from French. Makes sense, Italian is a much more chill language to me lol.

 

find out about my hips tomorrow and Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

i get to have the arthroscopy instead of the open surgery!! :D no hospital stay for meeee~ they'll do one hip, wait about two months, then do the other side.

apparently the labral tear on both sides is full thickness, down to the bone. and the impingement isnt from New Excess Bone but from my femur being too shallow to get all the movement it should have. on both sides. like my knees. :U

 

that is a winnerwtf! bones, what are you doing???

 

just realized i have three (3) exams on Monday.

 

Traded in two big ole bags of books at Half Price Books and spent twice as much on ten New books lol. but they're good ones! so I'm pleased.

we're also not allowed to go anywhere on saturdays anymore :'D bc roomie is very scared of covid despite precautions being taken and being around people makes her extremely anxious now.

 

Since changing my major I've noticed a change in myself, especially regarding my art. I haven't drawn as much, overall, though this could just be a dry period. They happen sometimes. Inspiration is low, stress is higher, so I wind up not as prone to doodling. But there's something else: I don't feel the PANIC MUST DRAW feeling. I feel the itch, or the urge, but I don't feel panic. I don't feel as green eyed towards other artists now either. I'm just.. comfortable. It's a nice change, and I think a sign I definitely wasn't meant to be professional in the arts field, I can't maintain that level of high end hustle for as long as I'd need to to get by.

Changing my major took away the risk of falling out of love with something I greatly enjoy, and I'm eternally grateful to past!me for it.