Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

The wheelchairs provided at grocery stores, hospitals and airports are super not designed to be propelled by the user; they're really designed to be pushed by a companion. Which is why you get the electric scooters, and if there are none you're pretty SOL for shopping alone. Not sure how it is where you are, but here you can request a member of staff to assist you, whether that's pushing the chair or fetching groceries directly while the customer directs proceedings, but it is giving up a little bit more independence again, so I completely understand why people balk at that.

Do you at least have like... A perching stool for when you're in the kitchen? It's on my list of stuff to get because honestly we deserve to be able to make our own food/drinks without taking a serious hit.

 

i do not, but its also on my list of things to get honestly. ive got chairs but they're too low to really do much of anything with, but if i can get a stool that i can adjust the height on for our counters it might help. it's why i don't cook anymore, really, i fucking die just doing prep so by the time its cook time i have to be laying down again and trust my roomie to do it. gjflkgfd

i also wish there was a way to get my ability to bake back without paying out the nose for a stand mixer, but alas. :/

 

Vege prep is the worst. I grated a couple of courgettes for something once and it took me out of commission for three full days. It was not worth it.

Stand mixers are so good for food prep, though, ngl, definitely worth it if you can afford to get one and have counter space.

 

no counter space, alas, and its out of my price range currently. but it's a sexy sexy piece of equipment i'll make further eyes at in the future.

 

decided i was gonna do the dishes. there's not a lot. was gonna pace myself.
began psyching self up.
had to go to bathroom.
cold sweats and shaking just going to the bathroom.
dishes are gonna happen Not today I guess.

 

day three of no sleep. feeling sick and weak. managed an hour and a half nap so i don't die but like. im still wide awake and alert, what the fuck man.

also im so dead from grabbing it but GUESS WHO JUST TRASH PICKED A BRAND FUCKING NEW BASEMENT SAFE STORAGE SHELF FOR THEIR DVD COLLECTION \o/ fuck yesssssss

 

New doctor is very sweet and professional, I love her. She's signing me up for a two week holter monitor test, which will track my pulse and record it live for the duration it's activated and on my chest. The longest I've ever been monitored was two days, and I'm much worse now. This'll show how extreme the rates get doing mundane day to day things, as well as check to see if I've got any oddities showing up with the rhythm or skipped beats.

She also put in a word for me to be spoken to by a social worker about getting a proper wheelchair for me instead of the one i grabbed off Amazon to survive conventions with. If they can help, I might be able to get around easier.

ALSO she said the lack of sleep for four days was hypomania leaking through my meds, and that melatonin should help take the edge off. So I've got coffee for the DAYTIME and a bottle of extra strength melatonin to try out late tonight.

 

I SLEPT
THE MELATONIN WORKED
FFUCK YES

 

weirdly enough though i feel... uncomfortably awake again. like.
the highkey alert feeling is back
so i can still feel the hypomania but i can at least turn it off enough to sleep if needs be now
thank christ thats such a relief, i was getting scared.

 

i am going to be productive today and in a good mood, i decided.
i already was in a good mood, but then i got kind of upset when i went downstairs.
no point to that honestly, it's a beautiful, great day and i've got some energy finally and i can make use of it.
going to try cleaning more of the kitchen up, maybe move the recycling to the car so we can prepare to take it.
might clean around my roomie a bit, see if it motivates her to like... move at all. if not, oh well, at least the house is cleaner and i feel good about myself :shrug:

i'm going to use my therapy advice and just... go with the flow today. everyone else does not dictate my internal thoughts and feelings. i have no need to hold on to frustration and anger.
plans change all the time, and it hasn't killed me yet.
just... be chill and do something else.

also im gonna window shop on target.com in the doll section and see if any of the my generation dolls catch my eye on there. they're very cute but i've never gotten a doll in that size before.

 

i got the recycling out to the car, all on my own
died immediately afterwards
thought "oh, a shower would be great im wretched"
used shower seat
stood up to rinse off
did cold water finisher so i wouldn't be overheated
dried off
struggled to get on leggings because STILL WET?????
STRUGGLED MORE, UPSIDE DOWN
HOBBLED TO BEDROOM SHIRTLESS
DRIED EVEN MORE OFF MY BODY
SHIRT
OVERHEATED AND MOIST????

why the fuck is nothing easy i want to die

 

Yesterday evening was so humid the air felt like soup here. It was somehow subtle enough that I didn’t notice until I went outside and felt Coated In Oil while also noticing that the light was behaving as if the air were hazy. It was very damn hazy. I don’t think we’re far enough apart that it would be very weird to share weather conditions sometimes.

 

got. a lot of shit done today i feel accomplished.
got to go to target and got some shit i wanted/needed.
got recycling dumped.
went to aldis and walked that.
lugged heavy shit inside.
put groceries away.
slammed down half a bag of tortilla chips and a package of multilayer bean dip bc i was fucking starved.
chugged a quarter of a cold coffee.
finally stopped sweating and the ouch went away, but im indeed dead on arrival now lmfao.

up side: i got the shit for curry so i can make some this week, and i got fresh eggs hell yeah.

 

regained a spoon by napping
but now the pain has come
bro my arms hurt so fucking bad jfc
cmon four ibuprofen papa wants to not be in agony

 

:starts looking up FAFSA deadlines and signup dates for Spring 2022 classes bc apparently this is indeed happening:

 

on one hand i'm so excited to go back to school. i'm working on physical and mental health to prepare. i've got months to get ready.

on the other hand i excitedly told my friend and got a dismissive "well be careful" and no further commentary before she stopped talking to me when I told her my plan.

 

i put some dried out dead vegetables and Months Old eggs into the trash to get thrown out because they were living in the fridge and there's 0 room in the THREE compost containers that have backed up and are living in our house over the last extended period of time. a massive pot, the usual huge plastic bucket, and a stewpot.

...... my roommate dug every last scrap of them out of the trash and put them into a brand new Fourth container, and set all the eggs on the table.
I don't understand.
I have. No clue.
I'm going to go feral.

 

did arm exercises earlier: noodle arms
did my sit to stands, 20 of them, after a few days of not doing them.

knee pain and hips exploding.
and im LEAKING
my eyes are watering so fucking bad from the legs, bro, wtf
im not actively crying but i sure as fuck feel like i am

 

laid down and resting and
oh theres the chest pain
okay
back in familiar territory now
kill me pls

 

:RIPS MY COMPRESSION SOCKS OFF BEFORE I LOSE MY FUCKING MIND: