Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

so the other day i picked my face and it bled like a mad bastard. then it crusted over with that awful yellow stuff, and spread. off came the yellow gunk bc i was dumb and picked it again. disinfected it, put bandaid on it. just had to take the bandaid off bc it was Burning now the area is Bright Red, Very Sore, and im just like "this literally started bc of a SINGLE FUCKING CHIN HAIR FROM HELL, WHAT FUCKING GIVES-"

 

monitor comes off tomorrow morning IM SO FUCKING EXCITED TO BE RID OF THIS FUCKING THING, AAAAAAA

 

i snapped and took the monitor off a night early because i couldn't handle it anymore
i've got a chest wound from the center of the device, right between the tits
and a patch of agitated rashy zits further down from the bottom ekg blob
everything is red and itchy but i can't treat it because there's open wound in the mix
jfc

 

that feel when you get your groceries inside and make it back to your room but in doing so you:
have to change clothes entirely bc you sweat through them
shake a lot
can barely see for a few minutes, half bc of all the sweat that got in your eyes and half bc of your pounding head
get nauseated
are gasping for breath
start having a panic attack because of the bodily distress that you get to tangle with at the same time
have everything at the corners of your vision go black for a good minute or two till you're laying down again
thanks POTS, always got my back in the most destructive way possible.

 

vibe is my ears are on fire, im having a Severe Reaction to cheap ear rings despite them being nickel free and now i've got a fever to boot, Oh No I Die.

i need to find some titanium and some gold somehow for these four piercings, i don't want them to close up, i want to wear cute piercings, but ow ow ow ow ow ow ow :C

 

no results from the monitor for a while longer, but i asked my doc if I should start keeping a more detailed symptom diary. wasn't sure if it'd be useful data or not. she said go for it, so i guess i'm finally gonna get some use out of those little notebooks i've got.

 

its been an hour since i got up and made coffee (132bpm from standing, thanks body) and laid back down and i feel like Hot Garbage. like. all my limbs are aching and exhausted, what the fuck gives.

 

calling today a loss and just. accepting it. pulse was at 90bpm just laying still for some reason, which isn't unheard of/wildly abnormal but considering im usually in the mid 70's while laying still it was definitely something. logged it and the dizzy/chest weirdness feelings, gonna prolly play some 7 days to die later i guess. :/

 

woke up at 5 tossing and turning, somehow forced myself to go back to sleep, woke up feeling really sick and weak again and somewhat disoriented. idk what the fuck is up, man. my body's pulling all kinds of weird tricks and i dont appreciate it at all.

 

doc finally got back to me!
she wants to discuss the results on the 2nd when i go to visit her in office, which. fine. but like... im curious NOW xD
she also doesn't want me to drop the beta blockers.
she DID say there's another medicine she wants to try when i visit her, though, so fingers crossed my dudes.

 

we went to the farmers market, but it was in the heat and i was half dead and a lot of the booths were already being cleared out. still got green beans and bell peppers and red potatoes and two big onions, and roomie got sweet corn and a watermelon and tomatoes. almost died, went to sit in the car but didn't know how to get the AC going cold so it was just pushing hot air around as i wilted more and more till she caught up with me.

went to kroger afterwards and THERE WAS A MOTORIZED CART BLESSED FUCKING BE THEY EXISTED AGAIN. got soda, got snacks, got lunchables. got a mocha scented candle, got grapes. good shit good shit.

then i was stupid carrying things indoors. :') carried everything inside in one go, then put stuff away, and then carried a load of stuff and three containers of soda upstairs to my room in one go. arms and legs gave out on me during the trip and i almost collapsed and fell downstairs. made it tho. cooled down enough to change clothes. dead for the day now tho.

 

i took a nap to try feeling less like i was dying and i still feel like a horse kicked me in the chest, good lord

 

im literally laying still and i feel like my hearts being stomped on all day
what the fuck

 

about died in aldis, but only needed a few things, shuffled around and got them
needed to get meds in kroger
i wish to die
dude getting arrested out front, many witnesses bc its a young black guy and columbus cops cant be trusted to not show they ass
store length lines inside curling into every aisle
SIREN GOING OFF. INEXPLICABLY. NO IDEA WHY. WASNT FIRE OR DOOR ALARM. JUST. SIREN. PIERCING SCREAMING SIREN.
got so sick waiting on roomie i had to sit on the nasty ass floor because i was shaking and sweating and near collapse as it was, was seeing black and things sounded distant
got home
drenched
just
absolutely swimming in my clothes
stripped down, got changed
mopped at myself as much as i could before i put my shirt on
im shaking and nauseated and kind of lowkey panicked now because More Chest Pain
Impending Doom feeling
i don't like this
something's wrong but there's no point going to the hospital, they'd give me a clean bill of health

 

so uh
apparently, according to my clinic that called me back about my pinging the doctor with questions about the chest pain and stuff
the chest pain and the symptoms i was experiencing was probably me having arrythmia episodes
im supposed to go to the ER if it comes back and continues bc it could be dangerous
but otherwise im supposed to rest and chill till my clinic appointment on the second
scary fun times

 

i keep getting lowkey chest discomfort while resting
not pain, and not the intensity i had a few days ago
but like
its there
and im squinting like "Don't".

 

yknow i think im having an incident of "hindsight is 2020". secondary hyperhidrosis/ Severe Sweating over full body can be a sign of heart fuckery. pots group talks about a ton of sweating, but its not full body in their cases. I've been trying to tell my doctors somethings increasingly wrong for YEARS at this point bc the sweating gets worse and worse as time has gone on.

>:U if this is linked ive got a list of people im gonna throttle.

 

symptoms: flaring up
chest: pressure and dull ache

am i going to the hospital?
lmfaooooo fuck no i aint
nope
no way no fucking how
gonna park my fat ass under my blankets and stay right the fuck here
i dont wanna get poked and prodded and sit still for 9 fucking hours only to be sent home with a shrug
because that's what'd happen
and i dont want to go through that yet again

 

discussing the Queer Platonic Partner fire on twitter with a friend
discuss what it means to me and my understanding of it and how im still a little fuzzy on parts because that's.... literally how i define very specific people, just without that word.
realize the person im talking to is one of those very important people to me
mention it offhandedly that i view them in that way while having conversation
realize like a minute and a half later that i basically explained I'd happily build a life with them if they wanted

CUT TO ME BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST A ROCK AND SCREAMING IN EMBARASSMENT WHY DID I JUST SPLURT THAT OUT HOLY SHIT

 

i see my doc tomorrow. feeling kinda ok today, kinda not. idk.
plan is to go there, get there early enough to pee as usual
and then stay standing in the waiting room for a lil bit before checking in so my symptoms are nice and visibly active
and Then check in on time
instead of getting there and immediately melting into a chair and being recovered by the time i see her