Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

Discussion in 'Your Bijou Blogette' started by TheMockingCrows, Dec 16, 2018.

  1. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    also gave myself an anxiety attack at 1:30 in the fucking morning because of discord server drama. friend is an admin and has final say. two folks who are constant shit stirrers in one way or another flipped their shit about, of all people: Gwen Stacy being in the Jack O Meme pose that everyone's doing (she's in college in the comics and even if she wasnt ITS A FUCKING MEME)..... and Midna. :U
    • Witnessed x 1
  2. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    you ever have the kinkiest most self indulgent fucking dream ever and realize you HAVE to make shit for it to make it a reality as a thank you for the world gifting you with it????


    i might be writing something with a stupid number of short chapters that's 100% smut because the universe woke me with intense tachycardia and hormones. thanks universe! i'll use the inspiration.

    heads up, it's Alpha-Beta soup style. <3
  3. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    Summer at a rented cabin, alpha-beta soup. There’s a pool. There’s enough rooms for everyone to only have to share with one person. The down side/risk is that it’s near-ish hiking trails so people might see, but who cares.

    Girls and boys split up the rooms. Assumed poly interest/some kind of beginning relationships at work.

    First sex was rose and dave though, in the pool.

    Second was jake and dirk.

    Then roxy and jane.

    Then jade and rose.

    John and dave in the bathroom/shower.

    Roxy and dirk while jane and jake are in the same room fooling around also.

    Jade and john on the deck trying to not get caught by anyone.

    Rose and roxy in the living room late at night.

    Dave and dirk in the kitchen.

    John and rose

    Dirk and John right afterwards with Rose watching

    Roxy and dave in the living room early morning

    Jake and jade by the pool in the afternoon heat while jane and john are in the pool

    Rose and dirk with roxy (strap)

    Dave jake post rough housing

    Jane jade post mutual grooming?

    John and roxy and Jake

    Jade Dave trying not to get caught by John

    Rose jane with jake

    Dirk and jane with John and Rose

    Everyone sharing at the poolside before having to go home, end with cuddle puddle in living room.
  4. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    tachy is continuing. i keep bouncing between 80 and 100. I'm shaky and sweaty and am trying not to panic while drinking fluids.
    • Witnessed x 1
  5. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    Man, the universe is paying me back for the extravagant sexy dream I was given. That severe tachycardia episode lasted several hours after waking and I was so drained that I crashed at 7:30pm. ....I didn't wake up till past 9am. And all I dreamed about was murder, escaping a murderer, being near people on public transit who were being murdered, and then being on public transit still desperately trying to figure out how to not get murderered.

    I feel so wrung out, god.
  6. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    realized i was missing several ships on that initial ship list for the smut fic. i've since rectified it.
  7. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    resting heart rate is chilling at about 100bpm for the third day in a row.
    idk why.
    i feel... ok? kinda fluttery? and my timer is shorter than usual when im upright.
    idk. keepin' chill as I can but its sure being a lil bitch about it.
  8. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    184 in the shower, about fucking died
    and thats with the water not being too hot and with a lukewarm/almost cold finishing rinse off cycle
    got down to 100ish again once i laid down and started sipping fluids.
    i see the cardiologist tomorrow.
    i hope i get answers, or referrals, or both.
    • Witnessed x 2
  9. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    clinic visit went well!!
    cardiologist gave my heart the all clear, verified it's just Severe POTS.
    I'm to contact the Cleveland Clinic for an appointment, then figure out how tf to GET there.
    I'm supposed to start doing special exercises.
    He doubled my calcium channel blocker.
    ....and I've been told im not enough of a salty bitch, i have to start taking salt tabs :P
  10. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    also i broke 300 pounds and lowkey wanna die lol

    i had an adventure getting home
    my roomie drove me bc she was working from home today
    but she got HELLA sick when she got home, and couldn't come get me
    cab would've taken 3 hours bc overbooked
    so i caught the bus after a bit of walking and went on two lines i've never been on before
    • Winner x 1
  11. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    oh boi here we go
    hot flashes like whoa
    throat feels funny
    head feels funny
    body feels like its made of bricks
  12. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    on one hand im getting some fic written
    on the other its been literal fucking months of not being able to start shit
    italian practice? 0
    anime watched despite paying for a subscription and having a log of shit i wanna watch and ample free time and interest? 0
    manga read despite a chunk of new shit i specifically bought bc i was interested in reading it? 0
    books read despite purchasing them and knowing i liked them when i read them years ago? 0

    like. idk how to make myself do anything. idk how to START shit or how to get myself to start shit. its weird. i thought it was just depression but this feels like something more.
    a friend said it might be the stress of all the health shit going on, that my mind is taking time to process it and it's overwhelming me so my brain keeps saying 'no there's not enough time' and steering me towards quick serotonin boosts instead of letting me deep dive into things that comfort me.
    because these are my favorite escapism things
    reading, writing, drawing, videogames, studying
    those are all windows out for me
    but i cant seem to access them
    so im terrifyingly present at all times and on high alert for a situation that isn't changing
    and idk what to do to fix that.

    100% accepting advice.
  13. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    scratch that, ive got a working theory now.
    its the C-PTSD. it's being constantly activated by me being sick all the damn time.

    now how to get it to fucking STOP, cmon, therapy prepared me for this, how do i fix this
  14. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    contacted my therapist. gonna call in the big guns and get professional help with this realization lol.
    I see him tomorrow.
    suck on THAT trauma response
  15. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    mood drop. handling it best i can.
    i think i even know what brought it on.
    went to watch anime bc i finished writing for the day and nothing was on youtube and brain won't let me pick anything
    just sat there scrolling for ten minutes.
    i want to watch bnha.
    i want to READ bnha.
    i have the books right here.
    i have the show at my fingertips.
    frustrated and wanna cry.
    head hurts.
  16. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    therapy went well.
    gonna start using the Thought Stop technique for obsessive thoughts.
    apparently the dbt worked really well because I was able to recognize the issue and reach out about it and understand majority of what was happening.
    but we goin cbt for the process of correcting it.
    im gonna stick to it and try to start tonight so i can fucking start enjoying things again gdi.
  17. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    mood's dropped low again for some reason.
    swept in, swept away the happy relaxed feeling and now i just have a headache and feel sad.
    i took a shower but it wiped me out.
    i drew earlier
    i wrote
    but i just... feel like ass.
    i got curious and decided to look on youtube to see what all was on offer for dysautonomia. there were long speeches from doctors, and some vlogs, and half the vlogs are ridiculous and occasionally interspersed with everyones favorite type of HEALED BY FAITH/VEGAN DIET/MAGICAL THING THAT WILL ONLY COST YOU $99.99 A MONTH bullshit.
    feeling very alone with this and idk how to cope.
    i know cbt taught me the ways, i know how to not obsess
    but how do i just cope with feeling like my entire life is gone?
    • Witnessed x 1
  18. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    feel better today.
    went to bed really early, woke up early, then had a nap.
    I'm working on writing now, some Rose/Jade for that big smut fic project.
    I think I'm gonna make myself watch some anime later on, as a reward.
    That or play some zombie game.
    Maybe both if I'm feeling spicy.
  19. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    i only managed three sfw bnha pieces and now im devolving into porn lmfao
  20. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    i got my flu shot after dying at the grocery store yesterday before doing my checkout
    today i've got a bruise and a sore as fuck arm
    and i am being SUCH a pissbaby about it
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