Crow Puns And Other Bullshit

dr appt went well! we're adding wellbutrin to my cocktail and lowering my antidepressant a little bit to make room for it. they use it for folks with adhd as well a lot of times, its a low stimulant, so it should help get my brain present/help with the dysfunctioning executives and let me like. Exist again.

 

i now have a small stock of apple juice boxes for future blood sugar crashes so im not stuck rushing and feeling like im going to collapse any second and stress my body out even more trying to make suitable food. can just have an easy pick me up and rest then go make proper meal when i feel better. :)
also my new med is on the delivery truck for 3pm, so i cant get it delivered today bc order cutoff is at noon. BUT. that means new meds start tomorrow and im so nervous but excited.

 

christ, im gonna make it, im gonna make it somehow. all that i have to do before saturday midnight now is the substance class, and foooooour? five? more modules for the certification for the other class. i just turned in the discussion video i bullshat for communications class. phoned it in essentially but hope i sound at least somewhat put together. i start new med in the morning and im hopeful, but holy shit today was suffering. nothing but modules. and stress. all day. all. day. i had to take emergency second nap in the evening which cut the video thing close, but i was so anxious and wound up by that point from doing nothing but reading and taking quizzes that i couldnt focus on what the video even WANTED.

but thats done. just those other things. i can do the other things. i can do this. i can make this. it'll be close but i can do it. please god let my brain work with me more moving forward, this is ridiculously stressful.

 

i made it. turned in the certification.
slept like shit last night but im about to take a nap to rectify some of the aches and pains
also started the new med, already feel a little more alert than usual which is nice

 

mild headache has been the worst of it so far, and with painkiller it seems to be lessening. i'll have to be cautious and make sure i eat enough/regularly enough too though. bc apparently this med makes you less hungry, and i already kinda forget to eat sometimes. and without the early warnings of low blood sugar from my beta blocker blocking it.... i dont wanna wind up in crashtown if i can avoid it. but ive got applejuice in case it hits, and peanut butter, and that can reset things before i go and make proper food so i'm not DyingTM on my feet the entire time and stressing myself out really badly.

 

was really really tired/worn out today because of the physical stress of yesterday. school and then the cleaning and all the stairs the day before that and Bluh. all caught up with me and culminated in not sleeping super great last night. i wound up having to call therapy early because i was just so loopy he was concerned and wanted me to go rest.

but in good news, the leak appears to be fixed. there is a hole in my kitchen wall and floor, there are no lower cabinets, sink, or dishwasher anymore, but it's not leaking anymore and the missing stuff will be replaced tomorrow. lucky lucky~

i've got my PT intake tomorrow. i hope i sleep well tonight so i'm not as dead on my feet tomorrow, it's important i can answer questions properly. i've also got a lot of classwork to work on today so i don't fall as far behind as last week.

 

pt intake was today! the lady works with a lot of pots patients AND has had first hand experience when she was pregnant with her fourth kid. i start next week, and then each week for 6 weeks i have a session in their heated pool, then we'll be transitioning me to a different program at another pool. but at home im supposed to do CHOPS again and a breathing program

 

pro: new countertop, sink, dishwasher, and cabinets! i also got to peel the protective plastic layer off all of them :)
con: i do not own handles for any of the drawers or cabinets. i also lost my deep pot storage cabinet and had it replaced with two pull out drawers which hopefully should work but imma have to tetris some shit for sure.

 

hhhh. weird dreams all night. first dealt heavily with death and dying for some reason. then dream changed to new one and it was zombies but they were runners. weird as shit dreams.

 

first day of physical therapy in a pool went well! it's been a long time since I got to go into a pool in general, so going into one with the main goal of physical therapy was awesome. i was so so weak, it was startling when i did a little doggy paddle to cool down at the end. but i pushed myself to my limits and i feel VERY satisfied with how it went.

was very cool to be able to push myself physically like that and not be dying from the POTS symptoms :)

 

hours later i am still alive. I've not taken a nap. I got a grocery delivery and after stocking up on SoupTM i inhaled a bag of salt and vinegar chips to perk myself up. yay salt work that blood pressure. i'm also Very caffeinated today. im watching a documentary thing rn and then plan is to work on classwork. feeling positive!

definitely wanting to be a mermaid now tho, the "i feel like a functional human being" thing of being in water was fucking baller

 

ive fallen in love with this perfume i bought recently. it's Vera Wang, smells floral with a bit of sandalwood, not overpowering, nice and fresh and clean smelling. feminine. its a world of difference from that calvin klein Obsession stuff my mom picked out for me and insisted i use as a "signature scent". she really liked strong musky perfumes, her favorite was Taboo. But this just... I don't know. it feels like Me. I really really like it. I've worn a bit of it every single day since I've gotten it :) perks my mood up when i catch a whiff.

 

oh my god that interview was so fucking awkward, im never missing class again, i dont wanna have to do that again if i can avoid it ;c;
it was so awkward bc it wasnt just like. interview.
i had to purposefully show i'd learned from the lesson in the book. two chapters worth. and it was the "rephrase what the person has said + verify their emotions/feelings" step and i blanked the fuck out bc it was AwkwardTM and also bc i'd had a headache for 6 hours straight that only just now started letting up.
but the classwork is all done, everythings turned in, im all caught up and ready for the week to start over tomorrow
didn't miss anything
but im still stressed about future stuff
i need to read this book and do a paper and do another paper and prepare for everything else and... aaaa.....

 

today's one of those weird "wide awake at 5:30am" days. guess i'll have a fat nap later

 

wweh. ive gotta lug my laptop to class today. bc we're prepping for the midterm and need to practice video stuff and paper formatting. i'd bring the ipad instead but uh. i aint used to using it at all, and would be doing the midterm on the laptop anyway soooooo..... yeaaaaah. seemed better to just bring Cosmos in.

 

ayyyy got outta class HELLA early bc it was optional to stay. figured out my settings and paper formatting i'll need for the midterm and how to submit it. taught the teacher about a setting in carmen she didn't know how to use. AND got a sudden appointment for the whole 2 months of period thing in an hour and change so Ayyyyyyyy

 

gonna schedule an ultrasound, got a covid test (NEGATIVE!), got a flu shot, a blood test to make sure my levels are ok after all the bleeding, aaaaaaand a new prescription to try. time to fucking vegetate now. and recover. bc shes p sure the sinus thing is viral and they dont treat that so i just gotta wait it out.

 

blood levels were all a-okay, yaaaay

 

I've got a lot of classwork to do, and my midterms and stuff and im just.. no energy still. spaghetti brain. im watching some lucky star rn and vibing and hopefully in a bit i'll have the wherewithall to get started on some class notes and stuff. i had intense stressful dreams again last night, too. for some reason unless its a dream that means something adjacent to stress or anxiety or worry about losing control, it's direct Anxiety Stressful Situation Trauma dreams. I'd really like for my brain to chill. Therapist told me to take note of my dreams and kinda track them, digest what they might be saying to me but like....
when they're all different flavors of "you're stressed and anxious and worried bad things are gonna happen and have less sense of control over your life than you want" idk what to really learn from them? because you look at my current situation and its like "yeah, obviously."

 

.. i think the period is... trying... to stop. on its own. while im still taking the same med. after 2 straight fucking months. i start the new pill on sunday. 8l What The Fuck Is Going On.