Discussion in 'Fan Town' started by Wiwaxia, Mar 3, 2015.
I suspect these are not unrelated.
I also suspect nothing good will come of this.
Oh yes, I don't think it'll make anything better except possibly replacing devil boyfriend with pissed off devil ex, which isn't better so much as a different problem.
But sometimes you gotta help your friends with their emotional growth, even if you are a forge cleric with a +1 to charisma.
I haven't written about the sex ed instructor wizard I'm playing in this thread! This is a tragic oversight!
A friend is running Out of the Abyss with a very comedic tone. I am playing a dwarf wizard who went into the Drow part of the Underdark with the intention of teaching drow men about consent and healthy relationships. She is extremely earnest, open and kind and becomes immediately Ride or Die for anyone who is friendly and kind to her (... she may have invited a sapient gelatinous cube the size of a hallway to accompany the party.... (though part of that is because I want a Lube Elemental familiar--the DM hasn't agreed per se, but hasn't said no yet either)). She is also Completely Terrifying in combat -- I themed her spells around psychic damage which I describe as being her imparting Very Cursed Sex Ed. This is the most fun character I've played in ages.
I love her already
You were 100% correct
Devil boyfriend has been upgraded to warlock patron as the dumb dumb thirsty rogue (player's words, not mine) decided the way to go was to keep in the devil's good graces and thereby possibly get his true name to get the rest of the party out of what we'd thought was a business loan agreement and turned out to be a different sort of contract.
Then after repeated probing from my cleric he broke his vow of secrecy and took enough psychic damage to put him at -9 hp. I, the only other person in the room, got put in the position of deciding whether he lived or died. His player said he didn't mind if the character died, he just wanted it to be dramatic. So I honoured his wishes and waited till the last second before casting healing word and telling him he gets one second chance.
Meanwhile what I'd wanted to do was work on a magic pinball machine for the day of wonders festival. But I can't say it wasn't a fun session!
When the DM hands your party a new plot thread and instead of doing anything useful you blow five minutes arguing about an NPC's pants
DM: Everyone roll stealth, and Hrrkik, you roll at disadvantage because you're in full plate
Me: But I'm sitting still!
DM: I've worn plate, every time you shift it's going to make noise. Don't worry, it's a full party check anyway.
Me: I guess that makes sense.
Party member: Hey guys, uh, I think Hrrkik died?
when your bard tries and fails to mock a swarm of insects
leaning hard into the raccoon patterns with my tiefling druid
fuck u skin tones or red if i want a grey boy i'm making one
spring did her absolute best to make those insects feel an entire ounce of shame
alas and alack for her, insects have no shame. just look at mosquitos.
(also it was that or nuke everyone in the room with thunderwave and i'm sitting on that for another time lmao)
Bad: took enough damage to knock my paladin to -11 hp and 40 feet away
Good: nat 20'd the dex save and got to keep clinging to the magic axe that did said damage
Good: got teleported out of the fight when 3/5 party members were at <0 hp
Bad: got teleported out by another group of baddies
Bad: my paladin swore an oath of allegiance to said bandits' leader in exchange for the rest of the party's lives (there was an attempt at negotiating but then a nat 1 sooo)
Good: bandit commander didn't notice that she specifically, repeatedly used the word "I" and not "we" when doing said swearing.
Extremely Fun: there are other bandits who are smart enough to have noticed and important enough to be listened to, so my paladin is now pretending to be a big earnest dummy who would never try to create loophole with her wording.
How to fail a Persuasion check despite a +15 bonus:
be a changeling
steal an important, recent-but-dead historical figure's face
meet an NPC who knew the historical figure and recovered his body from the battlefield
changeling: "I AM [DEAD GUY], THIS IS MY FAMOUS WEAPON, CLEARLY GIVING ME THE PLOT OBJECT THAT IS ALSO A WEAPON IS THE MOST LOGICAL CHOICE"
NPC: "Well, the most logical choice would actually be [another historical figure], but seeing as he's also dead, and not standing directly in front of me... :|"
tfw you smooch someone cute and they turn out to be an incubus who now wants to murder the whole party and has your rogue charmed
So my rogue is a parasite homebrew race, a worm piloting a dead elf meatsuit
and turns out that ever since the inception of this campaign, FOUR YEARS AGO, my DM had plans. Namely, these parasites aren't really naturally occuring. There's a giantass 'king worm' in the feywild, an Arch Fey in fact that is the distant progenitor of these parasites.
I learnt about this when we met an aboleth (not in person, in projection), who kept refering to Petric as 'family' and right now we're in a place where the real world and the underwild bleed into each other and Petric is feeling incredibly at home and good about this all while the rest of the party is creeped out to the max
Related, our sorcerer is a changeling based on the False Moon, the resident homebrew deity of our DM. Imagine an unimaginable old, likely extra-dimensional sentient orbital weapons platform and you just about got it.
A lot of its magic takes the form of hard light, holograms etc. One of the abilities our Sorc has is to 'facet' people. Basically they have a special pocket dimension they can Banish people into, and if they can't get back out, they...basically get downloaded into their hardware, giving them access to their abilities and knowledge (we recently had it nerfed because they faceted something Bad)
And since Petric has taken the FM as a patron, and Petric is already undead and thus revivify won't work on him.,.. our DM and the Sorc player worked out that if Petric dies, the Sorc can basically download them into the FM partion they use and later either reconstitute him into a hardlight body like they use, or straight up download him into a fresh corpse. I love it so much you don't even know.
Some time ago, our party rogue sacrificed his sense of spite to some sort of Great Old One. Oddly enough, this is negatively affecting his alignment - per the player, he is a not-so-Good person who's aware that he's spiteful as all get out and tries to be better than his first impulses.
Without his spite, he's now very matter of factly plotting an NPC's murder because he'll definitely kill us if and when he thinks he can get away with it, so we might as well do it first.
Due to having never escaped the Undertale event horizon, every now and then I'm obligated to make skeleton puns, and once in a while I start turning them into D&D characters.
So far I'm trying to work out Kiki the skeleton rogue, who was an amateur messenger until she was shot for delivering a particularly unwanted message to some evil overlord-type. Said evil overlord believed in recycling available resources and reanimated her, but [shenanigans] and the skeleton gained autonomy, if maybe not quite all her memories.
Spoiler: puns n reference
amateur messenger because new courier
courier led me to delivery person led me to Kiki's delivery service, so of course
Kiki the rogue because skeleton keys for unlocking any door,
I think I need at least one more layer of punnery and reference, in addition to picking a reasonably balanced skeleton homebrew I can offer for a DM to consider. I've got a couple saved, but all of them are a little op in my opinion.
so in session one, we looted a Magitech Laser Pistol off some interplanar enemies, as you do
these interplanar enemies happened to be fish people
since we have no way of identifying interplanar tech, we have dubbed this excellent new weapon..... The Fishtol
We took a Very Magic Axe from the demon spiders and my paladin tried to attune to it. When the hour was almost up she experienced a mental shove and was forcibly launched 30 feet away. Some arcana (not proficient) and religion (proficient) checks later and she came to the conclusion that the axe had had its previous owner's soul sort of shoved into it. The soul, while not fully destroyed, was still fairly corrupted and damaged, to the point that its aura and Hrrkik's are opposites and repel each other. So she prayed to her god for the soul's salvation and pondered how it could be healed. Her religion check was pretty good, and she came up with two options: potentially years of praying over it and doing gentle, small steps of healing so the divine magic involved doesn't just disintegrate the soul, or giving the axe to someone who could attune to it and do deeds of great good with it.
So she went to the party barbarian, on the basis of the barbarian has suffered damage to her soul as well and will be able to attune to it, and explained the situation.
Hrrkik: So the thing is, the same reason you'll be able to attune to it makes you an appealing target for the demons, because your soul will be a little easier to corrupt, like a shirt that already has a hole in it is a little easier to unravel.
Hrrkik: It's the best metaphor I could think of, sorry. So don't go and do something like trade yourself to the demons for [other PC], because we'll just be in the same situation
Camila: Yeah, that sounds like something you would do, not me.
Hrrkik: ... you're not wrong.
Some explaining about about how this is a Soul, not just a thing, and Camila has to take care of it and maybe talk to it so it doesn't feel so lonely later, the player says they're gonna attune to the axe
DM: Oh, ok! So now the curse of the axe kicks in!
The whole party:
Anyway, the barbarian's player is thrilled with their new deeply cursed axe so I guess it's not all bad?
our sorcerer, when faced with two locked chests and the rogue being stuck at the other end of the dungeon: i cast animate object on the locks to make them jimmy themselves
DM, choking: I'll allow it i guess??
(the dungeon is pretty empty it's just HugeLarge and was fucky while we were halfway in the underdark)
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