Enzel.txt (art/mmo screenshots/babbling)

Sometimes living w ADHD is less like shoulder angel/shoulder devil and more like whatever the pocket equivalents for Law and Chaos are

 

Y'know i felt really clever for about two minutes until i realized that's literally just the monkey brain meme

 

Its not that one gives better advice than the other, though. They really need each other to balance out. Like Chaos is poor impulse control, but Law is self-consciousness and anxiety and overthinking and perfectionism. Mash them together so they even out and sometimes you too can temporarily defeat poor planning and procrastination!

 

me: I should draw these it'll be funny

me: like Chaos can be wearing pyjamas 24/7 because fuck pants

Me: maybe pink hair. i miss having pink hair. No that's sort of cliche. maybe Law can have pink hair and Chaos can have green

Me: .............

Me: god fucking dammit that's just the fairly oddparents

 

Been reading Tate no Yuusha (Shield Hero) and i have...mixed feelings

On one hand it's an interesting take on the "stuck in an MMO" genre, i like a lot of the secondary characters and the protagonist is...at least not a cardboard cutout?

On the other theres wayyy too much. I don't even know. Authorial Id going on? I keep being like "sssso are you trying to make social commentary or is this a fetish thing. genuinely can't tell. Please pick one. Some people can pull that off but not you."

I want to know where it goes but im in a constant state of "holy shit this is kind of unhealthy and maybe thats the point but then there's these heartwarming moments and wtf."

Maybe part of the problem is that too many of the supporting cast is one-dimensional...also the protagonist is...hmm... like hes kind of an ass and the narrative acknowledges this a *little* but mostly it has shitty unfair stuff happen to him that isnt actually his fault so he gets to be righteously angry about it. And then moments of "see, he's actually a good person deep down!!" But no acknowledgement of his actual flaws. Cannot tell if this will be addressed or not.

I think its tone whiplash because it keeps trying to do the whole "broken people bonding with each other in a shitty world and hopefully getting better" thing, but then going back to the "THE WORLD IS AWFUL AND SO IS EVERYONE IN IT" thing

Part of me wants to. Put a hand on the author's arm and go "who hurt you?"

Like

Spoiler: (excalibur face)

Guy: "lol your surrogate daughter grew up to be hot"
Protagonist: "wtf why are there so many guys here that have a thing for little girls, its nasty"
Narrative: *has a bunch of said little girls fighting over protagonist's attention like jealous girlfriends, aforementioned surrogate daughter is part of a race that apparently reaches physical maturity very quickly while still having the brain of a child?? gets mad at protagonist when he says he thinks of her as a kid/his daughter*

Me: *squints very hard*

 

hhhmmmm some good character development happened and less creepy stuff so I'll take it. rough start tho.

 

Things to remember:

-set up HSA
-figure out Dental insurance

To ask the ppl at sewing machine repair place at pickup:

-how often does an industrial need to be serviced and do they do that
-do they sell industrial compensating feet for topstitching (1/16 and 1/8 " would be good)
-serger vs coverstitch machine, is it worth getting one that converts between them or two separate machines, plus what are costs

 

-did taxes...sorta. still waiting on W2 from old job but did everything else. :S /BOUNCES IMPATIENTLY

-also figured out HSA thing so now i can pay for my meds w that. might adjust how much comes out of my paycheck for it.

-got hands on Dental insurance info.

-still waiting to hear back from repair ppl abt sewing machine.

-Moved appt for mouthguard fitting to February bc i can't pay for it rn anyway

still need to:
-Have health center send over xrays to regular dentist and figure out if the insurance covers the fillings i need DX

-call therapist....ack...

 

I want to write but for once my problem is there are too MANY things i want to write

Ahhhhhh

I also want to post the stuff ive done already but what i have revised is all...sorta depressing and i feel like i gotta break it up with some lighter stuff

Therefore brain is like "cant post sad stuff until you write the lighter stuff"

*grumbling noises*

 

WHY IS METAL HUSBAND SO PUNY

 

I originally tried to make that glam with the Swan coat for WHM since it has the fur collar thing but it's too elegant and not like. apocalypse glam enough.

I p much picked RDM as my dps to level because of that... (tbf i suck at SMN/BLM anyway)

I love dressing Wein up because I can do wild shit on her I can't really pull off with Imry, lol.

 

oh i forgot to post the finished version of that pic from before i guess

im actually very proud of it *_* getting better w copics...I had a (galaxy brain) moment about how to color gold metal bits



also some lesbians for Valenti(o)ne's


(the official FFXIV artwork for this year's Valentine's event has an image of two ladies dancing chest to chest on it but the caption is very...NO HOMO and the fandom has pretty much been like "NICE TRY, THEY'RE LESBIANS" so i decided to draw a couple of my own characters in support)

(mine are in fact a couple of young women from occupied Garlean territories who joined the army out of necessity & fell in love, and obviously had to keep it quiet...I'm still deciding where I want them to end up but I want them to be happy >.< Maybe got separated for a time but reunited. Tannem is Dalmascan and Paoriri is from the southern coast of Islabard somewhere.)

 

other sketches

Spoiler: depressing patch 4.5 MSQ spoiler comic

attempted to imitate Alphinaud's drawing style with limited success

Spoiler: these ones are kind of pin-up-y

ty to @Akiv'a for helping me figure out how to make the paper texture

Bonus: when your crush finds out you're drawing her

 

I have never been happier to do my taxesssssssssssssss

i will be getting enough back to pay off landlord with a little left over which is absolutely going towards a PS4 for KH3

 

Making list of Things to Write so i don't keep getting ideas and then forgetting them

Revise/Finish:

-Imry & Delphinius
-Sivana backstory
-Wein backstory
-Elouan backstory

Ideas

-the pin-up poster joke
-script for Imry & Raiya comic maybe

 

Federal taxes arrived already o__o not complaining!

Got a weird credit card charge i have to dispute tho, hrghfh....i probably agonized too long over whether it was something id forgotten about buying or not but i googled the name in the statement and the website is...fishy looking.

Also got a bill(???) from new health insurance that i need to call about because i can't puzzle out what its for.

Still need to remember:

-sort out dental insurance and xrays
-therapist
-pick up sewing machine (is fixed!! Yay!)

Its so goddamn cold here...why...

Got some very useful info from sewing machine repair guy...i now have to ask my boss to get me a separate machine for heavy-duty work if she wants me to keep repairing backpacks, lol...

I was feeling kinda shitty about being unable to problem solve why i was struggling w the backpacks so much but it turns out its a tool issue. Heavy-duty machines have special tension setups for thicker thread! Hmmmm. Gotta just be very careful using current machine from here on i guess.

Also i think i might get a convertible serger/coverstitch machine for home use after all but the pricetag on that is...hooboy...time to start saving up.

 

did a continuation of that 4.5 spoiler comic

Spoiler: boop

 

and another comic abt Unukalhai because he is my son

also i was derping around in the Rising Stones for background reference for the previous comic and noticed he's still just hanging out in the solar

(spoilers for the Warring Triad & current MSQ i guess)

Spoiler: clicky

Imry is like...3rd grade reading level because she has no attention span essentially

 

Do your OCs ever decide to change their sexuality on you like

Sivana (Noline) is aroace. I put Aerling (Keiho) as aro+pan when i drew those Pride buttons last year and im lying in bed miserable with a cold unable to sleep, and my brain comes up with the idea of a scene where the other guys in his squad are being louts and he says he and Noline aren't sleeping together, and they're being gross about it, so he threatens them over it bc he can get really fucking scary when he's pissed. Paoriri overhears and they talk later and she's like...

"Keiho you know she's never gonna want to sleep with you"
And he's like "i know, if she were interested she probably would've given me a hint by now"
P: "yah shes not into anyone, not even ladies"
K: "lol you hit on her too didn't you, you hopeless lesbian"
P: "yeah she completely ignored me, but jokes on you i have a cute gf now so SUCK IT"

Bc thats how their friendship is

Anyway now im like

Is he actually in love with her?? Also I'm p sure he's ace in the "will sleep with people but doesnt experience attraction" way. He's not sex repulsed but he does have strong feelings...about...consent. idk he's an amoral asshole who will stab people for very little reason but idk, hypervigilance from his shitty childhood?

Spoiler: fictional rape, child abuse mention

He's very very observant and understood at...a pretty young age why his mom was traumatized and basically treated him like a piece of furniture she had to feed. He was still super fucked up by it and kind of hates her, but the concept of people perpetuating what his father did to her is probably one of the few things that actually makes him go from cold and calculating to pure rage.

Sometimes i kind of worry i made his backstory too horrible or that it looks like i did it for the drama but i really just. Wanted to point out how much war fucking sucks. (Its 4am and i could be more eloquent about it but basically that.) Horrible shit happens and then people have to live with it. How do they? Well, some of them put on a smiley persona and pretend they don't have real feelings.

The point got away from me but everything about Keiho is sort of...an affectation. Everything his does is calculated and deliberate--especially annoying people. He's used to everyone around him wearing a mask and hiding their true feelings. Noline doesn't, shes a grumpy asshole and she owns it, people either leave her alone or they decide to tolerate it. That's why he likes her. Incidentally he also likes Paoriri because she owns her obnoxious lesbian gremlin self but ofc he's aware she is off-limits, so they're bros. But he's just extremely attached to Noline and always has been and on some level i don't...know why?

When i first created them, i was writing their banter as they were deserting the army and p much went "these random grunt soldiers...they're gonna be like R2-D2 and C3P0, except the former is tall and lanky and the latter is short and actually uses his obnoxious, cowardly persona as a front for the ruthless weirdo underneath." Like i think i took him at face value at first and then i was like "wait but how did this guy survive in the Garlean army...oh ok i guess hes actually terrifying". I started with their relationship having that level of devotion and had to retroactively justify it. I wanted it to be platonic because i like writing platonic hetero relationships esp after pacific rim did it so well...but now im like

Dude do you

??? What is going on here

Not like the man himself is ever going to give me any answers. Wonder if i should go check out stuff written by aro people? I read some stuff a while back that just confused me further bc it seemed to describe my own relationship which ive always just considered a...non traditional romantic one...idek. shit is confusing.

Grey-aro??

Also I stand by my description of Keiho as "Fantasy Japanese Vex from Lost Girl" (without the gender preference)

Noline is definitely aro, in fact she was weirded out by his attention for a while until she finally realized he wasn't making moves on her and he's just...like that. Now she trusts him, for some reason. (Probably bc hes stabbed a lot of people for her)

I also had an idea for a side plot but it felt too soap-opera ish...something something the Frumentarii were keeping tabs on him bc he was a candidate once (deliberately failed aptitude tests bc who tf wants to be a spy, thats Work) and they figured out he faked his death and deserted and try to take Noline hostage for leverage. She thinks he's betrayed her at first but he's just playing double agent to make them think he doesnt care about her. (I JUST RLY LOVE THAT TROPE FUCK ITS RLY GOOD OK) He p much kills everyone they send after him and is like "whoops, good thing all that was classified information bc all the people who knew it are now dead, time to go back to boozing it up in Eorzea"

I guess weirder shit happens in Final Fantasy "Weeb Prince with 3 Katanas in a Golf Bag Realizes Dragonsona IRL" 14

 

This is what i do at 4am when im sick instead of sleeping