So! I have progressed to family therapy now, and had my first family session with my mother yesterday. It was horrible! I was really, hysterically upset for most of it, so my memories are kinda foggy of what happened! Highlights include: "I think we need to treat you like you're three, and have you parrot back everything we say to you." - my mother, at one point "[Fiancee] is so bad for you because every since you started spending time with him, your social skills have taken a horrible dive."- also my mother. these highlights are almost entirely either direct quotes or paraphrasing I remember of her, lol. "I thought we had a good relationship until you went to college, and I don't know what went wrong, but somehow [Ariel, ex-girlfriend] convinced you that we're horrible people." - again, my mother, and this stands out because her recurring complaint about all of my friends is that they convince me that my parents are horrible. additionally, every time we go to therapy, the date where our relationship "broke" gets moved back?? "That's news to me. I've never heard that you planned to do this. But when I hear you say 'no contact,' I hear you meaning that you don't want to deal with being an adult." - this one is heavily paraphrased but "you don't want to deal with being an adult" is an actual quote from somewhere during this session. The "news" was that, when I was 11/12, I made a (as detailed as I could at that age) plan of going to college and immediately going no contact with my parents. I updated this plan, and didn't decide not to go through with it until halfway through my senior year of high school. I know I talked about this publicly, because I remember having a huge fight with both my parents over it??? "I never said that. I have never been anything but supportive of your medication. I have never complained, never yelled at you, never used unkind body language to tell you I disapproved. I never said that we wouldn't pay for your medical care." - my mother, when I had a break down over what happened my sophomore year, where I texted my mother "hey can you send me money so I can buy my meds" and she said "no." There's a tag for suicide mention, and I'll get to that later and spoiler it when it comes up. There's more but I have to go so I'll add when I get back. Commentary on this please. I feel like I'm going crazy.