Fic quotes for the soul

Loq · Feb 13, 2018 at 5:04 PM

Our training will begin at once. Lesson one is titled 'HOW NOT TO DIE LIKE A COMPLETE TOOL'. There will be a test, so take notes. Ready? Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. Got that? Good. Lesson over. For homework, continue shutting up.
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ChelG · Feb 14, 2018 at 8:23 AM

Cadance stared at the cleric in horror. Shining Armor's expression seemed neutral, but the caribou cleric could see the anger in the unicorn's eyes. “And yet, you failed to brainwash me,” he said quietly.

The cleric nodded. “I cannot figure out why... The test subject ponies we kidnapped from Manehattan fell under the spell...”

Shining Armor slapped the cleric. “In the past couple years, I have had my body warped and distorted by Discord, had my mind enslaved by Queen Chrysalis of the changelings, had my horn corrupted by King Sombra's magic and becoming crippled because of it, had ALL my magic, my very SOUL, ripped out and devoured by Tirek, and a bunch of other things I really don't want to think about. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough, after all that, not to take steps to protect my mind, my soul, my self, my family, my home, my PEOPLE from ever having anything like that happening to them again!?”
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Loq · Feb 16, 2018 at 12:32 PM

He had four cards in his hand, about eight stuffed up his sleeves, and a dagger in his back. I was in the need of a new identity, one that wasn’t in quite as much debt. I figured he wouldn’t be needing his in the foreseeable future, so I transfigured my body into an exact replica of his, minus the dagger in the back.
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Loq · Feb 20, 2018 at 1:36 PM

“Lgnfedszt?” Optimus said, by which he meant what the fragged-up slagging scrap and not in a million years and taste my spark??!? and I could at least try it before I die and I could at least stop thinking and I bet he knows what he’s doing and wait what am I thinking? and about ten other things, all of which tried to come out at the exact same time.
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Loq · Mar 5, 2018 at 2:48 PM

"Get, I dunno, like half a klik away before the first capacitors go. Not EXACTLY sure how long you got, but unless you're fire- or electricity-proof, and I'm not ruling that out 'cause you guys are fuckin weird lookin, but I really wouldn't recommend sticking around if you don't got them both covered. Oh, and there's gonna be a lot of REALLY angry cogboys coming down here afterwards, so, uh, have fun with that."
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ChelG · Mar 5, 2018 at 3:06 PM

“Death at the hands of a noble woman such as yourself would be in every way preferable to a life of degradation.” That’s what you intend to say, and you’re proud of yourself for coming up with such badass and intelligent sounding last words on such short notice. This’ll be one for the history books, you just know it. But then, as though he anticipated your hastily conceived plan, the Grand Highblood opens his big, stupid mouth.

“Think about it, kid. You either die and go down in history as a pretentious fuckwad who couldn’t tell a simple fucking joke right, or you have the honour of spending the rest of your life making a motherfucking empress laugh. This ain’t rocket science. I know what I’d choose.”

You have to admit, the fucker has a point.
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Loq · Mar 5, 2018 at 7:03 PM

Nubby turned up with a blood-soaked ID card along with a few other options. It turned out there wasn't actually a palm or retinal reader, but we did applaud his effort.
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ChelG · Mar 7, 2018 at 8:08 AM

JOEL: Serena went down to Georgia
Why? We can only guess
Mina's in Manhattan
She was looking for a dress (I guess)

TOM: When she came across a masked man
Robbin' banks and runnin' amock
So she whipped out her ol' henshin stick
And said "Villain, I'll tell you what!"
"My name is Sailor Venus, and what I say is true,
You got five seconds to drop that loot.
Or it's the end for you!"

CROW: The man said, "My name's Crossbones
In my badness I take pride
I'll take that dare, cause you're unaware
The author's on my side!"

ALL: o/~ It should've been an easy task
to pulverize this stooge
You got super powers
And he's just freakin' huge!
But it's been decided that you need to be rescued
Sorry, Sailor Venus, but you're screwed! o/~
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ChelG · Mar 18, 2018 at 6:38 PM

Somehow breaking every conceivable law of energy, mass, and motion known in the entire history of humans and Pokémon alike, the eight clones unleashed a massive storm of thunderbolts at the same time as their creator, who had just dropped off Rosechu at a safe distance and hurried back to finish the fight.
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ChelG · Mar 20, 2018 at 9:03 PM

SHE SAUNTERED IN, HIPS SWAYING, LIKE HER HANDS HAD BEEN TIED BUT SHE NEEDED TO FEND OFF DOZENS OF AGGRESSIVE RATS. [...] ‘‘BOOBS COMELY!,’ THE DOCTOR MEDICALED, ‘MY FAVOURITE PATIENT! AND THE ONLY ONE I’LL EVER TALK TO OUTSIDE OF SIDE CHARACTERS FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS STORY!’'
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NSFW

Deresto · Mar 20, 2018 at 9:09 PM

I remember that fic, its hilarious

ChelG · Mar 21, 2018 at 10:38 AM

From its sequel:

“why are you wearing a beret?”

Papyrus scoffed, as it was clear Sans didn’t know the first thing about being a creative visionary. “IT MAKES ME HIP, AND ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT. THIS WILL HELP SELL MY BOOK TO THE YOUNG ADULTS THAT DON’T LIKE WAITING IN LINE FOR THINGS, AND LOVE VANDALISING WALLS. THE DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH. TIPPING OVER GARBAGE CANS AND READING ROMANCE NOVELS.”

“people readin’ the book won’t know you’re wearing a beret.”

Papyrus adjusted it. His hat was more askew than ever. He was the voice of a generation.

“BUT I WILL.”
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TheSeer · Mar 23, 2018 at 10:58 PM

Okay, fine, probably; you are rationally aware that permavoidance is not a tenable long term strategy for proper social adjustment and damned if you won’t face your demons like a Strider.

…Later.
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Asfjdfks yes "later" is exactly how a Strider faces his demons good job Hal.

Loq · Mar 29, 2018 at 4:02 PM

“Before we begin, I would like to remind you all that I have done you some less than ethical favors.”

That wasn’t a promising opening.

“I could list them in great detail, but I think people would prefer if I didn’t.”

A few of the people coughed awkwardly.

“This isn’t meant to be a guilt trip or something I’m dangling over your heads, but merely a statement since I want a favor that is far less than ethical. If you would prefer to not, then that’s fine, and I won’t judge you for walking out.” He paused. “Though I will be judging a little if everyone walks out right now, in all honesty.”

“One of my specialties is unethical favors,” Hawke said cheerfully.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm.”
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ChelG · Apr 1, 2018 at 4:31 PM

Dave hefted the binder in his hand. “This is way lighter than the scripts I’ve been handing out,” he said.

“There is a great deal of triggering material,” said Kankri.

Dave leafed through it. “The songs don’t rhyme anymore, without a reason for conflict the heroes come off as jerks, you’ve removed every reference to God or prostitution, making one wonder what the fuck Fantine is actually doing right now, and turned the bishop into—” Dave removed his eye-patch and squinted at the page, “a non-denominational guidance councilor for ex-cons? You know the point of his character is that he’s not expected to help Valjean, right?”
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/898828/chapters/1739515

Loq · Apr 2, 2018 at 4:00 PM

“Plenty glad it pleases you as well, but I'm the one holding your reins. Got you saddled up and ready,” he crooked his fingers inside, rubbed a pointed time or two, “ain't even had to bring out spurs nor whip yet.”

Dirk shivered, but didn’t look away, and his eyes were so, so bright on Gamzee.

Y’all are going to talk yourselves into ponyplay any day now, Hal said.

Gamzee watched Dirk swallow, get his voice working again. “Giddyup, cowboy. Inappropriate pony rides are a go.”
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Loq · Apr 4, 2018 at 11:06 AM

"If you touch anyone here, I'll gut you like a fish."

"That probably won't kill me," Arvad warned her.

He was certainly honest. "I'll come up with something," Tiana promised.

"That's fair," Arvad said, and started forward.
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keltena · Apr 4, 2018 at 5:28 PM

“That's a good point.” Claus said. “Does anyone have a solid alibi for that night? If there's anyone we can be certain is not the killer, then setting them to guard the crime scene would be my first course of action.”

“Hm.” Shinobu said. She then got on a very impish little grin. “Say, Monokumaaaa~?”

“I can't resist that siren call!” Monokuma appeared from one of his ever-present holes.

“Obviously, this game is winnable by the non-killers. Correct?” Shinobu said. “After all, if it wasn't, this would be completely unfair and you would be absolutely ridiculous.”

“Well, duh.” Monokuma said. “Of course.”

“Now, you are putting forth a mystery here,” Shinobu said. “Am I wrong?”

“Uh, I guess not?” Monokuma looked a bit uncertain.

“So, obviously, being that you are a fair and generous host, this case must naturally follow Knox's Decalogue, yes?” Shinobu said.

“Er.” Monokuma said. “What?”

“The ten rules any fair play mystery simply must adhere to?” Shinobu said. “Why, this is elementary for any true master of mystery, my dear bear.”

“O-of course I know about Knox's Decalogue!” said Monokuma, his voice growing frustrated. “And naturally, this case follows all ten rules!”

“Excellent,” Shinobu said, smiling. “Claus, you can trust Luan. He is unrelated to the crime.”

“What?” said Claus, Luan, Monokuma, and Rin simultaneously.

“Knox's Fifth,” Shinobu said. “No Chinaman must figure into the crime. Luan is of primarily Chinese descent, and therefore cannot be the culprit.”

“What?!” Monokuma said, his jaw agape. “What in the world is this chicanery?!”

“Why, Monokuma.” Shinobu said, a look of faux innocence on her face. “Are you going to tell me that Luan is the culprit and you were lying? Because that would be utterly horrible of you. I mean, to promise a poor, innocent lady like me a fair play mystery and then to take it away...” She shuddered, and frowned. “Dreadful, utterly dreadful.”

Monokuma grunted and groaned. “Fine! Fine! Luan Yun-Fat is not the culprit! Rassafrassin'... See if I talk to you again, jerk!” He did not even have time to make that annoying bouncing noise as he disappeared in a flash.
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/11965917

(I've been giggling at this for a million years now, help)

ChelG · Apr 8, 2018 at 9:20 AM

“We have to try,” Dave said, as earnestly as he had ever said anything, which is to say that it if it was not dripping with sarcasm, it was at least slightly damp.
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https://archiveofourown.org/works/810297/chapters/2044042

Loq · Apr 9, 2018 at 5:16 AM

“ --goddammit no not like that, I didn’t even mean that, you fucker, okay, that one’s on you, resting squarely on your weirdly hatless head, it’s building a nice nest and everything, gonna raise up its babies good and proper and they’ll all be your responsibility, a whole family of nesting asshole innuendos.”
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Fic quotes for the soul

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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Deresto Wumbologist

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TheSeer 37 Bright Visionary Crushes The Doubtful

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

keltena putting the fun in executive dysfunction

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Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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Fic quotes for the soul

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

Deresto Wumbologist

ChelG Well-Known Member

TheSeer 37 Bright Visionary Crushes The Doubtful

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

keltena putting the fun in executive dysfunction

ChelG Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

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