Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG · Mar 1, 2022 at 11:50 AM

Dear [Pony Name Here],
I am ▢ entranced / ▢ flattered / ▢ unswayed / ▢ vexed / ▢ horrified and disgusted by your (▢ offer of) ▢ odes and poems / ▢ gifts / ▢ land / ▢ vassalage / ▢ wealth / ▢ countless equine sacrifices in my name. ▢ Unfortunately / ▢ Therefore / ▢ As such, in light of ▢ our respective positions in Equestria / ▢ the current political climate / ▢ my own personal feelings / ▢ your previous such attempts / ▢ this depraved, heinous act against the dignity of living beings of all kinds, I must inform you that ▢ as a busy mare, I cannot in good faith accept them / ▢ your persistence in your fruitless attempts to woo me has become grating / ▢ I have already made my decision concerning the treaty / ▢ I’m coming for you, you deplorable aberration.
▢ I would welcome more correspondence in the future as friends, if you would accept it. / ▢ Cease your “courtship” immediately. You are not entitled to me. / ▢ Your attempts to get on my good side for politicking are even more transparent than glass. / ▢ Pray.
Princess Celestia of ▢ Equestria / ▢ the Cleansing Flame of the Infinite
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ChelG · Mar 12, 2022 at 8:10 PM

The door to the Concho Bolo slammed open to admit a man in a dress jacket, ugly turtleneck, and a ski mask. "Buddy Thunderstruck! I see you have discovered my latest strategem in our ongoing battle of wits!" Belvedere Moneybags, because there was no one else in town with such a perfect combination of arrogant self-importance and an complete absence of coolness, stormed to Darnell's table. "I suppose you wonder how I am here, when I lost our prior wager. But! Our agreement was that I should never again show my face in this town - but! So long as my face remains covered, I may go about my business at will!"
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Deresto · Mar 13, 2022 at 4:03 PM

From a VERY silly nart fanfic, a kakashi's kid oc/si Isekai sort of thing:

“Yes,” he shifts his fake cane which has the creepy masks start to close in. “It has it’s faults, I know. But Konoha has the potential to be great.”

Make Konoha great again, where have I heard this fucking rhetoric before?
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I'm cackling, they really went and called danzo the military dictatorship version of trump and they're not wrong

ChelG · Mar 15, 2022 at 3:56 PM

“What did you say?” he said.

“I am stuck,” replied Russia.

“How can you be stuck? You're in a tank.” Just ignore the fact that England was already on his second tank, that was completely irrelevant. And anyway, the circumstances had been entirely different.

“If I move forward, there are trees. And if I move back, there are trees.” It was a good point. If anything, England had learnt that trees are to be avoided at all costs. He took a mouthful of beer. Russia replied with taking a mouthful from his own bottle. England drank again, just because it wouldn't do to let Russia have the last word. Russia also drank again. England frowned and chugged the whole can, then crumpled it in his hand and threw it off to the side.

“Do a three-point-turn or something.”

“Ah yes,” said Russia, “I shall try.” He then drank some more – crafty bastard, saving his alcohol like that – and disappeared back inside his tank.

Of course, being tanks, both vehicles were perfectly able to turn on a penny, but it never really occurred to either nation as Russia executed his thirty-seven-point-turn. England watched in amusement and no small amount of thankfulness as it allowed him time to get through an entire other can.
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ChelG · Mar 15, 2022

that’s when you go mad. you forget how to be Wy because Wy knows how to hurt and how to deny and that there was something more than this once. Wy knows how to be horrified and so you stop being Wy because Wy can’t survive in this. none of you can.

all of you go mad. you forget that there was anything except being hurt and you tangle yourselves together because you need each other. and when suddenly you can hurt someone else and Seborga and Molossia break down a body and lead you outside that’s when you realise that you need a mind and the only way you can do it is to share all seven of yourselves into one.
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(tw underage and gore)

ChelG · Mar 24, 2022 at 4:08 PM

For form's sake, Zanzibar had shot him with his own sidearm. It would not have been notable, except that the gun jammed at the first attempt; taking his gun to pieces and cleaning it and getting it ready for someone to kill him with had set England's nerves on edge. But Zanzibar whispered, "There will be one British death from this war," and England knew his obligations. He felt some pride that it was the only British death. None of his people died, and he was grateful, for even in such a short and absurd war, humans died and never woke up.
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ChelG · Mar 25, 2022 at 9:48 AM

Italy looked even more worried and thus exponentially cuter.
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ChelG · Mar 26, 2022 at 2:10 PM

It happened at every meeting the blond attended, and by that point Angry-Faced-Germany was like Frying-Pan-Dented-Prussia, or Drunken-Pantsless-England. The chances of it occurring increased exponentially with every hour that passed.
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ChelG · Mar 29, 2022 at 8:15 PM

Russia smiled from ear to ear. “I cast Sound Burst. On-” –he gestured to the space with the highest concentration of goblins – “this area.”

There was a pause.

“Russia,” America started, “That’s where China and Canada are, too.”

“You cannot – what is it? – break an omelet without making a few eggs,” Russia replied.

“That’s backwards,” Canada said. “Fine. I can take some damage. And China’s raging, so he has extra hitpoints. I guess it could be worse.”

Worse. Like the time when Russia sent the boss and the entire party spiraling into a pit of lava. Or the time when he thought spells had to be cast in real life, which made America’s “Lay On Hands” incredibly awkward. Or the time when he’d refused to destroy a bed of poisonous plants because they were pretty.
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ChelG · Mar 31, 2022 at 4:13 PM

“It’s more like when you think about your taste slug and realize there’s no comfortable place for it to be in your squawk gaper!”

Dave pauses for a moment, and then groans.

“What?”

“Shit, I just translated that from Karkat into English. And now I don’t know what to do with my tongue. Fuck you, man.”
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ChelG · Apr 7, 2022 at 11:34 AM

"Just a small bomb," Prussia begs on one of the few occasions when the boss visits their house. "On America would be good but I'm not picky, we can nuke Sweden or something."

"No-" the boss begins, then stops cold as he realizes what Prussia actually is saying. "Wait, why Sweden of all places? Sweden is neutral and our relationship is improving."

"It's close," Prussia explains like it is the most natural thing in the world.
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ChelG · Apr 12, 2022 at 10:32 AM

“I don’t need anything. I’m fine-”

“Ah.” The REALLY annoying one nods. “Denial. The first stage of grief.”

“Listen, all of you-”

“There’s anger.”

“If you would just listen I could-”

“Oh, bargaining!”
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ChelG · Apr 14, 2022 at 6:55 PM

"Alright, let's see what we got here." America declared, reaching in and removing two slips of paper, "Okay, not exactly the turn out I was hoping for, but, heh, pretty good for the first time around." He opened one of the notes: "Thanks for talking over me all the time everyone; I hope it makes you all feel better about your tiny landmasses."
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ChelG · Apr 15, 2022 at 7:50 PM

"This time, it was an aphrodisiac. What if next time, it's something less innocent? Even if we assume for the moment that you're right and I'm wrong - "

" - a not entirely rare occurrence - "

" - the odds of which are so vanishingly small they may as well be non-existent, we're still left at the mercy of a group of people so hopelessly inept at poisoning each other that our safest course of action would probably be to forego all food and drink altogether. Which, realistically speaking, means we'll have two days at most to pull off a plan that's supposed to take three months."
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ChelG · Apr 19, 2022 at 9:55 PM

Everyone forgets that Canada used to be a shock trooper during the Great War with how quiet and peaceful he usually acts. Everyone thinks that he was in the medic tent patching up soldiers like a good little healer while his brother entered the fray. But no, Canada was the one who charged through the battlefields, the one who was shot twice in the lungs, three times in the stomach, and once in the heart. America was the one in the medic tent, the one who dug the shards of metal out of his twin's cooling body, waiting for his brother to live and fight again.

Germany has nightmares of the Holocaust. He remembers the gas chambers, the ovens, the human experiments. He remembers the horror of it all. The others think that his nightmares are caused by the overwhelming guilt harbored in his heart. They are correct. But for every memory that Germany has of being the one to close the door and turn on the gas, he has another. Germany screams at the memory of being inside the chamber, huddled in fear with his fellow victims as the lazy clouds of poison swirled in the air. After these dark dreams, German finds himself rubbing his arm for the entirety of the day, much to the other Nations' confusion. Only Israel knows that Germany's forearm has a number tattooed on it, just like him.
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ChelG · Apr 20, 2022 at 3:16 PM

America swallowed thickly. “Those whip marks…”

“I wouldn’t take the shot,” England said flatly. “I was supposed to subdue you so that they could punish you for rebelling. I couldn’t do it and so the person here who controls me saw fit to punish me for that. Humans are such vile creatures.”

“They’re just human though,” America protested, reaching out to England, brushing his cheek with his fingers beseechingly. “We’re… we’re stronger than they are, we’re practically immortal.”

England snorted softly, a bitter sound, one that had seen hope before and seen it crushed. “You’ve seen how we heal. We can recover from wounds that would kill a human a hundred times over. Imagine the suffering that they can inflict upon us without fear whenever they feel that our loyalties are in question. And this is the terrible thing America,” he continued, gripping the younger nation’s fingers and pressing a light kiss to the tips of them. “We cannot die. We can only endure and pray that one day those who created us, those who control us will permit us death. They hold that power over us.”
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ChelG · Apr 20, 2022 at 8:37 PM

His skin was flawless and lightly tanned as it had been kissed numerous times by the sun god…

Aaaargh not the purple prose, please.

It was in this moment of silence that Ariel’s curiosity crept up like her a sniper in the night and then jumped her like a 500 pound sumo wrestler.

Ariel grinned at this as vauge ideas began to roam around like mindless zombies in the prince’s mind.

Changed my mind. Bring back the purple prose.
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(VERY NSFW)

ChelG · Apr 25, 2022 at 6:43 PM

"I am more England's enemy than yours, ma cherie Autriche!" Antonia made the blond doll say. "Let me kiss you."

"No, no."

"You must accept all conditions of the treaty!"

"How is this a condition?"

"It is the condition of my heart and of my pants. Kiss me, kiss me all over and even underneath my clothes!" Antonia gleefully began smashing the two dolls together. "MWAHMWAHMWAHMWAHMWAH."

"Hallo Liebchen," Austria said loudly, walking in. "How are you today?"

"I am reenacting a peace treaty," Antonia informed him, quite solemnly.
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ChelG · Apr 28, 2022 at 11:12 AM

More from my wonderful cowriters:

“I need your help. I can’t find my leg.”

“Um…” Gang tapped his fingers. Come on. Now or never. “I… should be able to help with that, but… do you mind if I talk with you about something? Something… important?”

“I swear to- Did you break it?!”

“What?! No! I… Wait, how the fuck could I break it?! It’s solid metal and-”

“And silicon. And I don’t know, but if you broke it I’m going to beat you with the pieces.”

“… Again, how? Are you going to hop around until you catch me?”

“I’ll throw them really hard.”
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BaseDeltaZero · May 8, 2022 at 12:46 PM

Separated at Birth: America and Drakia What if? - Timeline - Early Modern - 19th Century - Post-1900 | Sufficient Velocity
From a dystopian sort of timeline on SV that's... pretty good, though somewhat uncomfortable, as it basically involves turbo-South Africa doing their level best to destroy the world.
And then Avant-Garde China with a steel chair

See: A remote stretch of the Tibetan Plateau in one of China’s hundred provinces that roughly corresponds to old Qinghai

See: The steel platform shining in the moonlight

See: The tents where scientists study their instruments

See: The aircraft hovering aloft like giant dragonflies in the night air

See: The observers, eyes shielded by dark glasses, waiting in the hills

See: The soldiers waiting in their chem suits

See: The key turned in the lock

See: The lights flash the countdown

See: The name etched on the surface of the large metal sphere

See: RUYI JINGU BANG

Hear: The music booming from the speakers, warning all to seek distance. The piece surges and

The light comes instantly- it does not build in intensity or increase in brightness from a spark, it simply is, springing forth from the sphere atop a platform that no longer exist. The light is golden. It is red. It is orange. It is violet. It is a rich royal purple. It is grey. It is every color and no color at once. It is the ultimate triumph of modern science. It is a religious experience from the Jungian depths of man’s primitive mind. It lights every crack, every pebble, every valley, every peak, in a way that cannot be photographed or described, but can only be seen or imagined.

See: The soldiers charging forward to their war games

Hear: The observers speak among themselves. What a grand Situation it was!
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