Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG · May 12, 2022 at 6:37 PM

“And I understand there were minors present who may have overheard what I said. Again, I’m sorry. Even though they were my minors.”

“Uh…”

“I mean, I know the McDowels threatened to beat their son with a belt at the last parent-teacher conference, but that was a parenting decision. I mentioned sex. I’m astounded they didn’t go deaf on the spot.”
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ChelG · May 28, 2022 at 12:17 PM

Summing up the @seebs mentality pretty well:

“He’ll never forgive me.”

“Probably not. He doesn’t have to. Be better anyway.”
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Deresto · May 28, 2022 at 12:32 PM

What's that from? I like it, it's a nice personal philosophy

ChelG · May 28, 2022 at 1:46 PM

@Deresto One of my cowriters' sections in our megafic.

Discussion of torture, rape, forced incestuous necrophilia.

ChelG · May 28, 2022 at 6:32 PM

It was gonna be one of those unspecified cause situations again, wasn't it? That was perfectly fine, but it made it a little bit harder to keep a straight face because one time afterwards he'd asked England what his crime was and he'd said "jaywalking." It had stuck as the secret identity of every crime. (It was now very fun to tease England whenever he jaywalked by saying "Oh no! You know what they'll do to you!")
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ChelG · Jun 5, 2022 at 10:00 AM

“Sometimes you give so much of a shit ‘bout somebody… well, it’s a little hard to see past the smell of it.”

“Think you might be scramblin' your metaphors there just a bit?”
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ChelG · Jun 20, 2022 at 10:11 AM

Sam tried to tally up all the things that were missing from Harmony. Children, intense familial bonds, problematic relationships between men and women, problematic topics, anything dark because that might be romanticizing darkness, which would be problematic. So far Sherry's rules seemed designed to preempt problems of any kind. How children fit into that scheme had been explained, however insanely, but there were a couple of glaring absences that Sam still couldn't account for.

Before he could come up with a delicate way to ask the question, Dean plumped for the indelicate one. "So where'd all the Black people go?"

Because Harmony was, as Dean had put it, entirely too monochromatic for its location. Age, emotion, and interpersonal dynamics were not the only parts of life that had been disturbingly flattened out. Every single character they'd interacted with since they passed the welcome sign had been as white as they were.

Sherry suddenly found the carpet fascinating.

"C'mon, Sherry, I've been through a thousand towns like this," Dean said. "I know something about the demographics of the American Southeast. Black people? Latinos? Whoever's running the Golden China beside the Payless? Where are they?"

Sherry re-crossed her legs in the other direction. "It wouldn't have looked very good for Christian morality if my work perpetuated stereotypes against people of color."

"Couldn't you have avoided that with, like… character development?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Well, I didn't want to have to write any," Sherry snapped.
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Erica · Jul 7, 2022 at 3:35 PM

I got a ridiculous giggle out of the last bit of this:

Shen Qingqiu blinks. He’s been poking around the lava field by the place where Mobei-Jun was last seen on a hunch. Luo Binghe had identified it as the place most likely to have been on the way, and they’re running out of sensible options. The lava field wasn’t the most obvious, but it was, at least, a simple answer! Ice demons: cold. Lava: hot. Problems? Possible.
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also, the fic is good

ChelG · Jul 27, 2022 at 2:50 PM

GG: were we talk!ng about two very y!fferent th!ngs????
CG: FIRST OF ALL, I FORBID YOU FROM *EVER* MAKING THAT REVOLTING GODFORSAKEN FETISH PUN AGAIN.
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ChelG · Aug 2, 2022 at 1:03 PM

TA: hey cg, y0u have s0mething t0 say t0 me?
CG: TA: n0t my fault the new kid was s0 sensitive.
CG: REMEMBER THAT? I JUST FIND IT HILARIOUS THAT *THOSE* WORDS REALLY JUST CAME OUT OF *YOUR* MOUTH.
CG: YOU, MISTER MELODRAMA METASTASIZED.
CG: YOU COULDN'T BE MORE SENSITIVE IF YOU WERE COMPRISED OF NOTHING BUT A TORTUOUS KNOT OF NEURAL TISSUE SUBJECT TO PERPETUAL TACTILE STIMULI.
GG: uhhh.....
TA: yeah? and what w0uld y0u kn0w ab0ut neural tissue, seeing as y0u never seem t0 use y0urs?
CG: OOH, WHAT AN AMAZING COMEBACK, CONSIDER ME THOROUGHLY BURNED. I CAN FEEL THE UTTER CORROSIVE WIT EATING A HOLE STRAIGHT TOWARD MY CHEST CAVITY AND DRIBBLING DOWN ALONG MY SIDES, LEAVING HUGE SCORCHING TRAILS OF SELF-SATISFIED SNARK IN ITS WAKE. UPON OPENING MY STEAMING EYES, I WEAKLY RAISE A TREMBLING HAND TO MY FOREHEAD AND COME TO THE AMAZED, SPONGE-SHATTERING CONCLUSION THAT THE ENTIRE EXCRUCIATING ORDEAL COULD BE DESCRIBED AS ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS PAINFUL THAN AN ANT FARTING ON MY BULGE.
TA: 0h yeah i bet y0u'd kn0w all ab0ut perpetual tactile stimuli in that regi0n.
CG: CHOKE ON A SEAPIG'S SQUIRMING REAR FLAGELLUM AND DIE.
TA: 0nly if y0u agree t0 h0ld the 0ther end s0 i can spit in y0ur face while i suff0cate.
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ChelG · Aug 3, 2022 at 3:23 PM

“Why did they even include ‘genital organ’ in the limited lexicon?!”
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TheSeer · Aug 25, 2022 at 10:24 PM

Hobbits, of course, could also be said to have a philosophy of food, and a great deal of attention went into considering and valuing it, but the great volume of their thought on the matter could be summed up neatly as “Food. Yes. Obviously.”
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ChelG · Aug 26, 2022 at 6:31 PM

To be mediocre at holophoner, y'gotta be a fucking brilliant musician at everything else. Fry's a little too lazy to be a brilliant musician, but he can pick up keys just from hearing them or just from memory, n' considerin' the guy doesn't remember the year or where his car is in the Future-Costco parking lot 90 percent of the time, that's fucking wild.
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swirlingflight · Aug 28, 2022 at 4:09 AM

Moths and Fireflies
"Listen. Imagine I told you an asteroid was hurtling toward us."

"What’s an asteroid?"

"A huge space rock."

"Oh brother, more of this space garbage?"

"Yep. And it will destroy everything. Leaving no trace of us, anyone, or anything we've ever done. No hope for a future. Nothing." Sans claps his hands to emphasize his point. "Everything gone in an instant. What would you do?"

"I’d call it a dramatic excuse to avoid folding your laundry."
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ChelG · Aug 31, 2022 at 9:20 PM

No-one wants to walk into a high-class Venetian cocktail bar and order a Steve.
Or, for that matter, a Fido.
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ChelG · Sep 2, 2022 at 7:36 PM

TT: Rose, please. If anyone is comparable the neckbeards of old, it has to be me.
TT: I very literally couldn’t leave my room, which by semantic definition was the lowest floor in the building, possessed large quantities of horse-themed media, and even trained in the use of a katana. Indeed, the only thing missing is an anachronistic type of hat.
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ChelG · Sep 15, 2022 at 7:46 PM

“Word to the wise, if the lowest thing on a food truck’s spice scale is ‘very hot’, don’t take Cal there.”

“Hm?”

“He ordered ‘Inferno,’ threw up in the bushes and went back for more. Then he arm-wrestled the guy at the counter. Then he arm-wrestled the guy’s girlfriend to ‘prove he wasn’t sexist’ and lost. Then the girlfriend arm-wrestled the guy at the counter.”

“What?”

“I dunno, man. It was a whole thing.”
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TwoBrokenMirrors · Sep 17, 2022 at 4:55 AM

shamelessly quotes my own fic here

Immediately the thought crosses your mind, you chide yourself sternly for it. You are a lieutenant of the RCM, and you do not have unprofessional thoughts about your colleagues.

Except Harry, says a particularly pedantic corner of your brain.

No, you don’t have unprofessional thoughts about Harry either. Should they occur to you, you don’t give them time to settle in. You simply let them pass. That doesn’t count.
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ChelG · Sep 28, 2022 at 1:26 PM

When given an IQ test, Pyro somehow managed to score a -5 and yet still found a way to build working flamethrowers from scratch, had bloodhound-like spy-detection skills, built a working motorcycle from scratch, and was rumored to have been able to fix some of the Engineer's mathematical statements involving quantum physics to succeed, when they otherwise would have led to radioactive disasters thanks to all of the uranium involved. Yet Pyro also couldn't ride a bike (despite riding a motorcycle) and once got stuck in a corner for three hours on one until Sniper had to come over and drag them out of there. It turned out the issue was that Pyro forgot how the pedals and handlebars worked. They also tended to forget what ice and snow was every winter, and every time the other mercs would have to explain it to them.

Spy therefore came to the conclusion that Pyro was simply bullshit incarnate.
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ChelG · Oct 1, 2022 at 7:59 PM

"NOW, YOU WILL ALL GRAB THE DICK OF THE MAN TO YOUR RIGHT."

There was a long moment of silence as the team stared at Soldier in something far deeper than shock.

Soldier did not appreciate the group's reaction. "DID YOU FORGET HOW TO FOLLOW ORDE---OH. OH, I UNDERSTAND." Soldier nodded almost sagely, and then punched Medic in the shoulder, earning a hiss of pain and a nasty glare. "GOOD THINKING, TEAM. SPY-CHECK HIM FIRST, THEN GRAB HIS DICK."
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Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG Well-Known Member

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Deresto Foolish Mortal

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Erica occasionally vaguely like a person

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TheSeer 37 Bright Visionary Crushes The Doubtful

ChelG Well-Known Member

swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

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TwoBrokenMirrors onion hydration

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Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

Deresto Foolish Mortal

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

Erica occasionally vaguely like a person

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

TheSeer 37 Bright Visionary Crushes The Doubtful

ChelG Well-Known Member

swirlingflight inane analysis and story spinning is my passion

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

TwoBrokenMirrors onion hydration

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

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