Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG · Oct 7, 2022

"So what's Pyro?" he demanded. "A guy, or a chick, or what?"

"Is comrade," said Heavy stoically.
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Soldier was trying to fit CHINESE PLOT TO REPLACE OUR CANINES WITH AUTONOMOUS SPY ROBOTS into the available four blocks of a crossword puzzle.
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ChelG · Oct 8, 2022 at 7:38 PM

“I swear to God, if you put a single uterus in my men-”

[...] “Oh, come now, it’s perfectly safe,” he said, gathering himself. “I put three in Greg. You don’t hear him complaining.”
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littlepinkbeast · Oct 8, 2022 at 9:20 PM

what's the fic?

KarrinBlue · Oct 8, 2022 at 10:23 PM

That's not a fic, it's the Team Fortress 2 comics:

ChelG · Oct 9, 2022 at 7:37 AM

Ah, shoot. I saw the line in a fic, hadn't read the comic.

bornofthesea670 · Oct 9, 2022 at 1:48 PM

Never know when you'll need a uterus, might as well keep them somewhere warm.

Loq · Oct 10, 2022 at 9:53 AM

He had long been achieving without even the intrinsic reward, and the extrinsic had been gone for longer than he could remember. It seemed his brain had developed an especially strong tolerance with each success. But why waste time musing over a painfully oversimplified view of neurochemistry anyway?

Because you want a painfully oversimplified explanation for being a complete imbecile, he thought.
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ChelG · Oct 13, 2022 at 5:50 PM

Heavy picked up his Scrabble set again and shook it at Medic. “Doctor, after we fix lights, you play scrabbling game with me, da?”

“Nein, you cheat,” Medic said. He had got a clean white sheet from somewhere and was spreading it over Scout.

“Do not!” Heavy cried.

“You misspell things deliberately. You use zhe wrong letters.”

Heavy gave a put-upon look. “In the Cyrillic alphabet-”

“Zhat box you've got is in zhe Roman alphabet. If I cannot use a B as an eszett, you cannot make 'nipple' begin vizh an H!”
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ChelG · Oct 14, 2022 at 8:32 AM

Heavy's picture (May) was surprisingly sweet. And popular; it seemed a lot of women very much enjoyed pictures of large, powerful men being cute with tiny animals. His sisters took both that photo and the one in which he was hugging with his colleagues (August) out of the calendar, framed them, and gave them to their mother, who had rather poor eyesight and didn't notice that the robin one had had a shirt added to it with crayon.
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TheSeer · Oct 31, 2022 at 10:40 PM

You know, we could be going through Constantinople. He said, drifting in spectral form beside Shadi. The Guardian wasn’t hosting him- Shadi would have to actually put the ring around his neck, and even then The Ghost wasn’t entirely sure if he could bond with this bastard the way he had with humans. That was the union of two souls, and he was genuinely unsure if Shadi had one. There’s a Lokum vendor I’ve known for twelve generations now, I’m sure I could talk her into letting you share my discount-

“Istanbul.” Shadi corrected, not looking at him.

Pardon? The Ghost asked.

“It’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.” Shadi elaborated.

When the hell did that happen? The Ghost asked, sitting up from where he’d been floating on his back beside Shadi.

“It’s been a long time gone, Thief. Since 1453, to use your English calendar.”

Ah. I was in The Rhineland at the time and my host was more keen on printed type than politics. The Ghost shrugged, reclining again. Why Istanbul though, it used to be Byzantine-?

“That is the business of the Turks and no one else.” Shadi said, staring ahead at a trail only he could see.

They passed some time in silence.

You are a spectacularly bad conversationalist. The Ghost sighed.
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source

Yes, that's a longer time gone than it should be. The setting here is pretty heavily divergent from irl earth, and this conversation is taking place in the 17th century so if the author kept the real date they wouldn't be able to do the bit. So apparently the Ottomans changed the name.

vuatson · Nov 1, 2022 at 12:13 AM

I can't wait for my next swing through yugioh town so I can finally read that fic

VJ Wocky · Nov 1, 2022 at 3:40 AM

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense. Sometimes you have to accept it anyway.
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ChelG · Nov 4, 2022 at 1:43 PM

As he hadn't been invited in, Engineer remained in the doorway. "It's nothing much, really. Just got a quick question: would you happen to know of any music with parts for the guitar, saxophone, bagpipes, bugle, and violin?"

"Excuse me?" Spy actually did turn around at that. "I am quite certain there is no composition for that combination of instruments. If there is, it should be burned."

"You might be right about that, Spy," Engineer said, deep in thought. "We probably need to add drums, right?"

"Get out."
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ChelG · Nov 5, 2022 at 11:37 AM

Medic scowled. “You are both being stupid,” he protested. “I am your medical doctor!”

“Are fucking him in butt!” Heavy exclaimed. “Is not make much difference now.”
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Heavy tried to formulate a response to this, but all thoughts on the matter failed when he realised that it was a perfect example of the way Medic's mind worked;

'You get shot at a lot? Vell then, let's put this implant in your heart and ve'll see about making you bullet proof. It may take a few tries, but don't vorry; I have spare hearts aplenty in the refrigerator.'

'Vhat do you mean, some people don't like needles? Vell now, I vonder how the enemy vould react to a gun that fired syringes. Stay here, I need to talk to the Engineer. I'll put your ankle back together vhen I return.'

'Your sexually frustrated hormonal imbalances are keeping you from sleeping? Das ist kein problem! Strip down and I'll fuck you into a state of exhaustion. Two birds vith one stone, ja?'
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ChelG · Nov 7, 2022

Summary:
Scout needs some advice from a caring, sensitive expert. Pity that he talks to Medic.

Notes:
Medic's information and Scout's vocabulary are both exactly accurate to 1968, which is to say, they are both just awful.
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With no time to shower and change his clothing before the battle started, the Scout did the only thing he could. After wolfing down the pancakes that had landed on his pants, he shot himself in the head in order to re-spawn clean and syrup-free in time to fight.
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Jean · Nov 7, 2022 at 8:40 AM

"Jesus fucking Christ," Len says blankly when he's strapped in – Mick did it for him, citing shock, which is a dirty lie. Len's not sure why he can't move right, but it's definitely not shock.

"Aren't you Jewish?" Jax asks with a grin.

"Jews curse like the dominant culture," Len replies. "Example: go fuck yourself."
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rereading the ghostfic

ChelG · Nov 11, 2022 at 3:57 PM

“Oi’m not bringin’ any of ‘em home loike that. Oi don’t care how much you’d loike ta see me happ- mum. Mum!” Spy hesitates, just inches from the ground under the cover of all the noise the sniper’s making, “Oi’m not interest-- Oi know you’re lookin’ forwar-- Mum please. Oi don’t care how many sheep oi 'dated' alroight. Lil girls marry their stuffed teddies all the toime an' no one teases 'em. Just ‘cause oi liked the rams mo-- They had horns! Horns are cool!”
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ChelG · Nov 13, 2022 at 8:53 PM

"When you have SEX, be careful of LOOSE WOMEN! Wear a condom at ALL TIMES! You never know if she has VD!"

"You don't wear a condom unless you're getting ready to have sex-" interjected Engineer, but Soldier snapped back before he could finish his thought.

"I AM ALWAYS READY TO HAVE SEX, MAGGOT."
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ChelG · Nov 15, 2022 at 5:43 PM

“The hell is this crap?” Scout jumped up from his seat and ran to pick up one of the small red figures. He eyed it suspiciously, rolling it between his fingers. The figure had a tiny eye patch and its legs were plastered down onto a red base. “Dolls? C’mon doc, you can’t be serious here. Aren’t dolls for, ya know, girls? Not grown mercenaries?”

“Actually,” Medic began as he snatched the figure from Scout’s hands, “these are not ‘dolls’, herr Scout. Zhey are tactical figures meant for demonstration purposes when reviewing battle plans. For grown mercenaries.”

“…Whatever that means.” Scout rolled his eyes and casually skimmed over the assembly of figures. “So where’s mine?”

Medic adjusted the bridge of his glasses with his middle finger, as he had done so many times before. He sighed. “I had ordered a shipment of eighteen, one for each of the classes. As such, each of zhem were personalized in our likenesses- like the Demoman you vere just about to crush with your schnitzel fingers. However, vhile being shipped over here, zhere vas a bit of a… mishap with yours so I had it thrown out.”

“…So what are you tryin’ to say.”

“Until we can order you a replacement,” Medic picked up a small fat piece from the group and held it up for all to see. “You are this carrot.”
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ChelG · Nov 16, 2022 at 6:48 PM

so you channel your inner Schroding-donger: simultaneously late and early until proven otherwise.
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Fic quotes for the soul

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Jean Let’s stop procrastinating -- tomorrow!

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Log in

Fic quotes for the soul

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

littlepinkbeast Imperator Fluttershy

KarrinBlue Magical Girl Intern

ChelG Well-Known Member

bornofthesea670 Well-Known Member

Loq rotating like a rotisserie chicknen

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

TheSeer 37 Bright Visionary Crushes The Doubtful

vuatson [delurks]

VJ Wocky 36 Somnolent Void Seeks Perfection in Dissonance

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

ChelG Well-Known Member

Jean Let’s stop procrastinating -- tomorrow!

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