the sheer variety of condiments in the world intimidates me and terrifies my already overfull fridge door.
Toppings are technically a subdivision of condiment as far as I'm concerned. Eating with Thais has murdered my original definition of 'weird ketchup like sauce' for condiment. Because there's really no other way to encompass things as diverse in texture and consistency as fish sauce, raw peppers, and dehydrated fish flakes which are all being added for the same purpose (to alter the texture, consistency and flavor of a dish after cooking in a fashion that enhances it). The standard definition of condiment among a lot of Americans is a fucking war crime. A sad state of affairs. Be freed. Accept the condiment caddy and its mix of dried flakes, soupy sauces, and peanuts.
Or, as with all things food, there is no way of cleanly defining this shit with words. Chorizo is a sausage to many Americans. Tell that to a Mexican and you'll mortally offend them. Tell it to my pocho ass and I won't give two shits because chorizo and sausage are both equally fake words. i know no reality. i know no definition. i know no truth. I Only Know Semantics The Science Of We Can't Even Say What A Chair Is
Okay but the answer to hot dogs is relish, onions, pickle, tomato, bun with poppy seeds, more poppy seeds on principle, probably some celery salt, mustard in yellow and/or dijon, ketchup, sauerkraut, and why not cheese too! -cue evil laugh-
Just remove the relish and ketchup and I'm fine. Ketchup on dogs or bologna makes me gag (it's a trauma thing) as does relish (it's a sensory overload issue).
I can't do mustard on dogs because there's not enough surface area to offset the spicy and my nose catches on fire.
Cheap bologna I like with a mayo and sriracha based sauce and some cheap ass cheese, personally. That or I fry the shit and the bread and I slather some mayo on it and call it a day.
