(wait, Goofus actually makes dinner?) Goofus makes dinner with the contents of Gallant's cat's litterbox. Gallant always says "please" and "thank you".
(I didn't say he made dinner for anyone but him. :::PPP) Goofus always says the incantation to summon a Cthuloid horror. Gallant vacuums the carpet regularly.
Goofus enslaved the dragon and used it as a weapon to stage a coup of the kingdom. Gallant gets all his errands done in a timely fashion.
Goofus tells you to get his many overdue errands done "while you're out" every time you so much as glance at the front door. Gallant remembers to make more ice cubes.
Goofus turns off the freezer when he doesn't want ice, just for the lulz. Gallant is respectful of others' religious beliefs.
Goofus set a church on fire by walking through the front door. Gallant helps elderly people across the street.
Goofus runs elderly people over when they try to cross the street, then drives away without even bothering to get out of the car or stop. Gallant understands that it would be rude to refuse to take the tobacco offered to him at powwows, and takes it even though he doesn't intend to smoke it, and doesn't call it 'gross and encouraging smoking and death'. yes I have actually had this happen to me at a powwow, I offered them some of my tobacco from my pouch of tobacco because they'd said something I thought was cool and they told me not to encourage smoking and death
Goofus memorizes and recites November 11's entire second-hand smoke rant with the numbers multiplied by ten and bonus insults. Gallant lets people borrow his pen if they need one.
Goofus donates to Autism Speaks. Gallant is polite and understanding about phobias even if he thinks they´re odd.
Goofus puts spiders in his arachnophobe friend's bed "to toughen him up." Gallant respects his friends who don't drink and doesn't pressure them.
Goofus doesn't know what 'change the oil' even means. Gallant remembers what his friends are allergic to and makes sure to avoid offering them those things.
Goofus thinks everyone with food sensitivities is a trendy faker and is responsible for at least a dozen hospital visits so far. Gallant holds doors open for anyone who happens to be be behind him, and doesn't get snippy about whether or not others do the same.
Goofus is a strawman MRA who whines about being expected to hold doors for women being oppression online, and to ~fight the system~ deliberately pulls the door shut behind him every time he goes through one. Gallant offers his umbrella to others when it rains.
Goofus steals and destroys other people's umbrellas when he knows it's raining. Gallant reads other people's papers if they ask him to, and helps them edit it.
Goofus spilled water on your laptop, making you lose your paper, and ALL your other homework. Gallant maintains the sidewalk in front of his house.
Goofus demands other people maintain the sidewalk in front of his house, and then purposefully does things like gathering up all the leaves in his yard and dumping them on the sidewalk. Gallant keeps his room clean.
Somehow every time Goofus vistis, your room ends up a mess. Gallant takes out his roommates teabag and brings the tea if it looks like they´ve forgotten about it.
