Fruity Rumpus Asshole Party - D&D Edition [Closed RP]

[7 investigation]
The tiefling blinks as he's dragged along. Distracted by the babbling of the one manhandling him, he can't focus on anything else.

 

[18!]

 

It takes a relatively short time to find the church, a tall building with what seems to be a glass domed roof. It sticks out like a sore thumb among the relatively humble surrounding stores and homes. A relief depicting an armored woman with flaming hair decorates the door.

 

Pyralspite heads straight for the front door of the church and throws her weight into opening it, calling out as she does; "We need a cleric!"

 

[Make a strength check.]

 

[... six.]

 

[Rose claps her hand over her mouth, her facade of mysterious storyteller fading for a moment as she unsuccessfully tries to stifle her giggles. After composing herself, she clears her throat.]

You slam into the doors, which as it turns out, are made of iron. It hurts quite a bit.

["You take 1 point of bludgeoning damage."]

 

Lei scrambles up after her, leaving Nowhere Mann a safe distance from the building. Can part-demons go in churches? He doesn't want to find out "no" the hard way. "Hey, maybe breaking the door is a bad idea. Someone already desecrated their dirt."

Lei tries the door to make sure it's actually locked, while pulling out a thin set of lock picks. Surely breaking and entering is better than destruction of property.

[12 plus something. 7 maybe? My dex bonus is 5.]

 

As you insert your lockpick into the door, it opens.
A woman who looks to be in her late forties stares at you with clear consternation. Her long white hair is wrapped around her head in thick braids, and she wears a long, plain nightgown. She's holding a lantern in one hand and a cane in the other, and her head raises, and she takes in the group as a whole.
"Have none of you ever heard of knocking?" She doesn't wait for an answer. "If you are in need, come in. If you aren't, kindly bugger off. I was trying to sleep."

 

When the door opens suddenly Lei goes red and slinks behind Pyralspite. He was just trying to help.

[LISTEN. I was just trying to- breaking the door would have cost the church money to fix and that's not nice. Oh my god, doing stupid, unnecessary, embarrassing bullshit in front of irritable authority figures is the worst. Why you gotta be like that Rose. How you gonna call me out like this?"]

 

The tiefling waves at the older woman.

 

"We apologise for our hasty actions, lady, but we're all in quite some distress. While travelling to the village we saw a hooded figure doing something to the earth in one of the fields outside, and on investigation I felt a great evil spreading from the location. We're in need of a cleric, and quickly."

[I attempt to persuade her, with a total of 22.]

 

She pales, and takes a step back. Pushing on the iron doors, she opens them wide with apparent ease.

"Well, you've found one. Come in, and settle yourselves at the hearth while I ready myself. And bring in that poor tiefling, he looks frozen half to death. There is no discrimination under Casta's gaze." The human woman ushers you inside, and then almost sprints to a side chamber. You hear a door slam, followed by a couple of raised voices.

Behind the altar is a roaring hearth, well tended. A kettle hangs over it, steaming.

["Dave, it's not my fault none of you thought to simply knock on the door, rather than hurl yourselves bodily at it and try to break and enter. I'm sure she won't hold it against you." Rose rummages in the bag at her feet, and withdraws a woven wig of long white braids. She lowers her hood, slips it on, and secures her hood again.]

 

[Oh! That's my god, Rose, would I have recognised the image of her on the door?]

Pyralspite motions for Lei to go into the church ahead of her, heading back towards the tiefling to make sure he does actually go into the church with them.

 

Fire is his new favorite thing. Lei makes a beeline for the hearth after shaking off as much of the snow as possible. "I've never been in a church before. It's pretty."

 

["You would have, if you had stopped to examine it. As it was, you were a tad hasty."]

The tiefling easily outpaces the half-elf, folding himself down in front of the fire and almost sticking his hands in it.

Moonlight filters through the glass dome roof, and the fire casts long shadows back toward the entrance. There are no pews, rather the main floor of the church has lines of thick, plush cushions arranged in a wide semi-circle around the simple altar.

 

["Bluh bluh, we were exactly the right amount of hasty for what you described as happening."]

When the other two are both inside the church, Pyralspite follows them in. She hadn't been particularly cold, but she sits on one of the cushions nearer the alter, glad to take the weight off of her feet for a bit.

 

After a few minutes, the woman emerges from the side-chamber. Gone is the simple homespun nightgown, and in its place is heavy chainmail that gleams in the firelight. On her right arm is a heavy heater shield that is embossed with the image of a woman with flaming hair, and in her left she holds a mace with an extra-long handle. Its flanged head clunks with each step she takes, heavy against the stone tiles. Her hair has been rebraided, tied up neatly and efficiently.

A younger woman follows her, wearing plain red robes and babbling in clear panic.

"-and you think this is to do with the blight? Should I call the council together? Do you want me to come with you or rouse the guard? It's awfully cold out there, Esra, at least lest me cast protection from the elements on you-"

"Altea, calm yourself." The woman, Esra, plants herself before you all. Gone is the irritated, tired older woman who opened the door. In her stead stands a steely, resolved battle-cleric. "Light the candles, if you require a task. And if you would use spells on such trivial things as the weather, don't waste them on me. The men look to be in far greater need than I. If you could put on a fresh pot of tea, that would be delightful." She takes you all in, lips pressed tightly together. You each feel as if she's weighing your worth. "Now. Please, if you can. Tell me what you saw, and where."

 

The look this suddenly even more intimidating woman lays on Lei, like she's measuring his worth, leaves him extremely uncomfortable. He didn't help with spotting the blight thingy, and isn't sure he could be of any use from here on out either.

... really, the ladies in general seem to have things well in hand. He physically bites his lip to keep himself quiet and waits to see what they decide to do.

 

"We were travelling here from Tyran, and just outside the village my tiefling companion pointed out a figure in a field to the east of us. It was heavily hooded, so I couldn't make out any features, but they were crouched over the ground with their arms buried in the earth. When they saw us, they fled incredibly fast, so we went to discover what they were doing, as I was sure if they were fleeing that quickly it couldn't have been anything good. Putting my arm down one of the holes their arms had been in, it was supernaturally cold, colder than the snow above it, enough that I wanted to pull my hand back. I dug out the ground between the two shields to try to perceive better down the holes, but all that was down there was more dirt. The tiefling here said it was magic, so I extended my divine sense to see if I could detect something too, and I felt a strong evil presence that was spreading out from the original site." After dumping all that information on the two clerics, Pyralspite considers whether there was anything she left out, but she couldn't think of anything so she nods her head.