Fruity Rumpus Asshole Party - D&D Edition [Closed RP]

Nowhere Mann, after having warmed up some, appears to perk up a little. "What if, like... it ain't being holes in the dirt," he says. "WHAT IF IT'S ALL TO BEING DIRT AROUND SOME HOLES?" He makes a single blink as people turn to look at him. "'Cause, yeah, what if them holes was being there first, but the earth went and hid'em up, and then that hooded motherfucker went and got his mischief on and now the holes ain't hid no more." He looks down at his hands, visibly perturbed.

[Gamzee is looking down at his hands, his brows furrowed upward. He bites his lower lip and glances up, his eyes darting from face to face as he tries to digest this mindblowing new realization, as if silently asking them if they are thinking the same thing.]

 

Lei is surprised to finally hear Nowhere speak, but what he's saying doesn't make much sense. "What ever are you talking abou-."

[Gamzee looks so earnest that Dave furrows his brow and mutters "It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it" quietly to himself. He tries extra hard to understand what he could have meant.]

"So, wait, you're saying that there might have been something evil in the ground already, and the creepy weirdo messed with it; uncovered it or let it out somehow? That'd be spooky."

 

He stares wide-eyed at Lei. "Nah, man, I'm all like to meaning what are we all dealing with, magic dirt all up around some holes? OR HOLES INSIDE SOME MAGIC DIRT? Which one are we meddlin' with up in this crazyass tiltawhirl freeze-your-tits-off reality we're all up and being in? FUCK."

 

Esra blinks, then directs her attention to the elf among the group.

"Were any of you injured? Do I need to treat a concussion before I head out?" She settles her shield more firmly on her arm. "And I'll be heading out without your escorting services, thank you, Altea. I'm not dead yet, and as long as I stand I am more than capable of investigating some 'magic dirt' without a babysitter."

"I meant no offense, Esra, I just-"

"You worry, I know." Esra's face softens. "You've got a good heart. But no stomach for combat. I really would appreciate a cup of your Dawnthistle tea to warm my bones when we return."

"Of course." The younger woman cheers in an instant, her smile like a sunbeam. She turns it on all of you. "Forgive me, we haven't even completed introductions! I am Acolyte Altea Branson. And this is Justicari Esra Vanemos."

 

Lei looks at Nowhere consideringly for a second before addressing Esra. "Um. No ma'am, I'm pretty sure he's just like that. We didn't encounter anything on the way here that did anything but run away from us. I think that whatever he was saying is actually a good sign; he got a bit spacey and quiet when the cold set in."

Jeez, combat? Well that's sort of one of the reasons he left the city, right? To practice things. Plus the badguy ran off; all they're likely to fight right now is some frozen dirt.

"Should we take you to where the corruption started now?"

 

The acolyte's smile dies slowly, the sun covered by thick, rain-heavy clouds. She hurries off, and in another room you hear the conspicuously loud sound of pots and pans being slammed about. Esra sighs.

"She's such a sensitive girl." A pause, and she leans a little more heavily on her mace. "If you would lead the way, I'd appreciate it. Some of us can't see in the dark. By which I mean me."

 

When the younger woman's face falls Lei realizes he'd rudely ignored her, but before he can fix his mistake she's scurried off. He calls out after her, "It's nice to meet you!" and makes a guilty face when he hears the banging.

 

Time is clearly of the essence here, so Pyralspite chooses not to waste time on introductions that could surely be done after this was dealt with. She rises to her feet, and gives the Justicari a nod. "I'll take the lead," she promises, and starts towards the door, pausing when there to check whether either or both of the two men are coming with them. Whichever turns out to be true, she'll keep going, heading back towards the field where they found the holes.

 

Nowhere, who is still looking a bit fretful about the whole Hole VS Dirt thing, eyes the door they came in and instinctively curls his tail a little closer to his body. He would like to help, yes, but he is no stranger to weather this cold, and painful experience has taught him to crave and value warmth with something bordering on obsession. "Think I'll stay up in here a bit. LEASTWISE UNTIL I CAN FEEL MY FUCKING EARS AGAIN. Maybe I'll get my use on in the kitchen with that pretty tea lady, so's y'all gots something nice to return to."

[Gamzee, who is still looking a bit fretful about the whole Hole VS Dirt thing, eyes the rest of his companions nervously. "Am I all doin' this right and shit?"]

 

"That's probably for the best, lad." Esra looks him up and down, then frowns. Her lips purse. "Altea! Could I bother you for a group meal?" She calls, and the banging stops.

"Of course Esra!" The slightly muffled voice sounds far perkier than it did the moment before. "I've got a boar to butcher anyway, Daddy had it delivered at dusk." There's an extender pause, and Altea's head pops around the side of the door frame. "Are any of you vegetarians? Or, if you don't like pork, I can probably go catch a rabbit! I'm really quite good at that."

"Yes, you are dear."

["Gamzee, you're doing wonderfully. And it's perfectly alright to sit out of the 'main action' for a little while if you're feeling overwhelmed."]

 

Nowhere brightens noticeably. "Right on! I'll hop to it then."

And soon he is in the food prep block with pretty Ms. Altea, brewing tea and helping with the boar while talking about different spice rubs and stuff, all while stifling the urge to furtively much on various little tidbits that are just ripe for the sneaking--bread rolls, some fruit, a piece of cheese. His poor starveling body has given him certain habits that he doesn't even realize he's doing half the time, but he is also a tiefling with some motherfucking manners and also he knows he'll get a hot meal soon, so he keeps his twitchy fingers to himself.

At one point, while fixing up the boar, Nowhere perks up and asks, "Oh, hey, can I have the eyeballs? THE EYEBALLS ARE THE BEST PART."

[Gamzee breathes out a relieved sigh and nods. "Yeah, I think, I think I'll just be watching for a bit, 'til this dice madness settles up in my pan, like."]

 

Pyralspite seems to be in a huge hurry, so Lei is most of the way to the door when Altea pops her head back into the main room. He turns and offers her a winning smile. "I'm sure that anything you're willing to prepare for us will be absoutly amazing."

Nowhere disappears into the kitchen as well, so Lei turns back to the warrior women, ready to follow them out.

["Hey Terezi, look, it's us." Looking up that gif on his phone and showing it to Terezi allows Dave to distract himself from making any number of "daddy's pork" jokes that he could be making right now. A downright heroic display of self restraint. It is tragic that no one will ever know his sacrifice. He is a silent guardian.]

 

Impatient to be off and stop the blight before they find out the hard way what it was started for, Pyralspite is jogging one leg up and down where she stands in the doorway. When at last Lei and Esra are with her, she sets out quickly for the field.

They have a village to save after all.

 

"I like your enthusiasm." Esra brings her hand up to a simple circular pendant hanging around her neck, and her fingers glow with white light for a moment. When she lowers her hand, her stride is longer and more firm. Gone is the limp that saw her using her maul as a cane. "Come now, let's see this evil."

Back in the kitchen, Altea grins at the tiefling.
"You know, everyone always looks at me funny when I say that. Half and half? I like to crumb them, myself. Help yourself to some bread, you look like a colt that's struggling to find its legs."

 

The comment on her enthusiasm makes Pyralspite grin, despite the seriousness of their mission. "I believe there's an appropriate action for every situation, that's all, and the action to be taken when there's an evil presence spreading through the ground is to stop it as quickly as possible."

 

"Often it is not as simple as all that, but I haven't lost my sense of optimism yet."

Esra follows your lead back out into the snowy fields.

["I would like Dave and Terezi to roll Perception checks, if you would be so kind."]

 

[20, but from a roll of 18.]

 

[Lucky number 13.]

 

Esra curses quietly to herself about her lack of darkvision as she follows the gleaming white scales of the dragonborn, and the gleaming white skin of the elf boy.

"Every time my eyes adjust to this miserable light, I look at one of you and it's like I just stared into a candle flame for a minute."

Pyralspite finds the disturbed earth with no issue in the large field. You notice the hole is bigger than when you left it, and you can still feel the disgusting, cloying taint in the earth as you approach.

 

Lei mutters "Oh shit" and quickly looks around for anyone lurking nearby. "The hole wasn't this big when we left, someone came back while we were getting you."