Fruity Rumpus Asshole Party - D&D Edition [Closed RP]

It takes a few minutes, but Lei eventually notices Nowhere's distress. "Oh! This is Snoop. We accidentally, er, stumbled across Snoop and Momma Snoop and she was trying to be a good mom and protect her baby and we... Well, she didn't understand and attacked Esra and Pyralspite and we-." He coughs a little wetly. "Anyway, um, Snoop is a good baby and I was hoping to find someone to take care of them until they can strike out on their own, make a wolf family. You know."

Lei rests his hand on Snoop's side, nowhere near the meat, he's not in a hurry to lose any fingers. "Maybe when the pork is gone they'll let you pet them? Just, slowly. And very carefully. Their mom just died. In front of them. It's... gotta be scary."

His eyes are a bit bright, but he smiles winningly at Pyralspite anyway. "So, we ran right into your church then! That's convenient. Did you come here specifically to visit this temple?"

 

"Esra is my grandmama," Altea says shyly, unwilling to disrupt the conversation. She seems somewhat awed by Pyralspite. "You're one of us? Where are you from? Forgive me, I ain't never- I mean, I've never met a dragonborn before." She coughs, and then directs her attention to the tiefling. "What an interesting story, Nowhere! Do you prefer Nowhere? Or No? Or Mann? I admit, I'm at a bit of a loss."

 

Nowhere Mann nods seriously as Lei explains. "I dig, I dig, lil bro gots him some wintering to do and he can't be doin' that all alone. He looks like he likes you though! Maybe you can all be his dad, teach him how to sing fit to bring the moon down." He rests his chin in his hand a moment and just watches the pup go to town on their dinner, once again looking on the verge of tears from the sheer cute. "Lords, I never up and saw a wolf pup all close like this before. You know, once I made friends with this seagull, he up and nested in my hair for like a straight hour before he went off to do his bird thing somewhere else. He made lil' peep snores, I thought I was gonna goddamn die."

Then, as Altea mentions his name, he grins and nudges her shoulder with his. "You can be calling me anything what your dear lil' bloodpump is all calling at you to, as long as it ain't nothin' nasty." Nowhere says sweetly.

 

["Gamzee, I'd like you to roll a Charisma check, at advantage. That means you roll, and add the modifier next to your charisma stat. Then you do it again, and pick the higher number as a result."]

 

[He straightens a bit and nods. "You got it. ... DANG, WHY ARE THESE ALL LOOKING LIKE CANDY FOR? I wanna put one in my motherfuckin' mouth." Looking vaguely dubious, he rolls and gets an 18. "18 PLUS A 7... Oh fuck, wait, that ain't my page HAHAHA FUCK SORRY MY STARMONKEY I WAS ALL LOOKIN AT YOUR SHEET." He rolls again. "13. Unlucky as shit, man, I ain't gonna win no shoes at this rate. AL-MOTHERFUCKIN'-RIGHT. 18 plus a THREE So looks like I got... 21? FUUUCK." For all his fuss, he looks like he's having fun underneath all the confusion.]

 

[Rose smiles at him. "Excellent. That's really rather good!" Her master plan to mold her players into well-adjusted individuals has officially begun. She is the sneakiest. It is her.]

Altea's ears go red under his attention, and she nudges him back and puts a crumbed ball on his plate from hers.

"I've never seen a gull either. That sounds very sweet. Like you." She clears her throat. "Well, I'm not all that great at names. How about Mr. Mann? I like the sound of that."

 

Nowhere Mann's ears pin back a bit as his own cheeks sting. "Heheheh, right on." His tail does this squirmy, loopy gesture and he daintily nibbles the treat she gave him. "So, uh," He glances at her from under half-lidded eyes and smiles. "Are you all liking rap battles?"

 

Altea tucks a stray loop of hair behind her ear.

"I'm afraid I don't know what a 'rap' is? Some kind of exotic weapon? I'm sure you could teach me all about it." She leans toward him a little more. "I'm always interested in new experiences."

[Rose delivers that line, and then takes a moment to faceplant on her monster manual to stifle her giggles.]

 

Nowhere Mann's brows lift and he brightens visibly like one who has just had a wonderful idea. "Oh yeah? 'Cause there was this pretty lady in the last town what taught me this magic trick--"

['HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU UNROMANTIC SHITCLOWN' Gamzee's inner Karkat voice snaps. 'YOU ARE NOT SHOWING THE NICE CHURCH LADY THAT ONE WEIRD TRICK WITH THE FEATHER AND THE TOILET SEAT.']

"--with, uh, some playing cards, I could all be showing at you later."

 

"Maybe you could." And for a moment, her eyes track to his tail. She clears her throat again. "I like games. I don't get out of the temple much. Not that Esra won't let me, but I find the town boring."



"Well, when you've passed the final examination, you can travel as you like, Altea." Esra's voice drifts in, and she enters the main room in her nightgown, cane in hand. Her braids are undone, and her hair reaches her waist in white waves. "There's always hospitality to be found for travelling clerics. Especially of the Dawn Mistress."

 

The mood in the room had been getting a bit heated. Lei is grateful for Esra's reappearance. "I am glad to see that you are well. Thank you for your hospitality, and for helping me feed Snoo- I mean, the cub. I. I named it Snoop." Some types of authority figures make Lei shy and awkward, mostly the kinds he's not used to interacting with, and Esra is one of those kinds.

"You spoke of a druid in town? Would you mind telling me a bit about them? You mentioned going to them tomorrow to pick up the trail of the evil weirdo cursing the ground. I was hoping I could meet them too, and talk to them about Snoop."

 

"It's no trouble. My purpose here is to help, guide, and heal. And attend dreadfully dull council meetings every week." She ducks into the kitchen, and returns shortly with a plate stacked high with slabs of pork and thick chunks of dark bread, with a large bone that seems to be a femur from the boar. Meat still clings to it, as well as glistening fat. She tosses it down in front of Lei, and the pup dives on it, growling as it starts to gnaw on the end. Its tail wags furiously, and after a moment of intense nibbling it rolls over onto its side and grasps the bone in all four paws.

"If you're still hungry, there's plenty left. Altea, dear. Could you pour me a cup of tea? My hands are a tad unsteady now."

"Of course, Esra." Altea unhooks the kettle from over the fire, wrapping her hand in a thick cloth to avoid burns. She pours the steaming brew into a small, and slightly uneven, earthenware cup. It has a wobbly heart carved into it. Esra smiles fondly as it is handed over.

"Thank you, dear." She takes a sip, and closes her eyes to savor it. "Ah. Now. Back to business. There will be time for pleasurable activities later." She directs a sly look at her granddaughter, who stills, and then buries her face in her hands at the realization that her grandmama could hear every word spoken in the main room from hers. "I'm not scolding you, Altea. You're young. I had plenty of...entertaining engagements, when I was your age-"

"Esra," Altea chokes out, pulling her hair in front of her face like a shield. "Please stop."

The older woman laughs, and pats her on the knee.

"Fine, fine." Esra winks at the tiefling. "She's a good girl, this one." Another sip of tea, and she turns her attention to Lei. "But yes. You were asking me about our druid? Vesta is an interesting person. Elf-blooded, like yourself. They wandered into town one day and announced that they'd be taking care of our land. That raised the hackles of our farmers for a bit until they demonstrated what they meant. We've had years of bumper harvests thanks to Vesta's diligent custody of the earth in these parts. They came to me last week, concerned that the soil was starting to show signs of losing life. Less worms. The earth more grey than brown. I'm sure they'll help you care for...Snoop."

 

Having dropped out of the conversation for a while to focus on stuffing herself with hot boar meat and tea, Pyralspite swallows down a chunk of fat she'd been chewing, lifting her hand to cover her snout as she gives a fairly loud burp, muffled as best she can manage; her facial features don't really allow her to ascribe to human values of politeness, but she's trying. The druid sounds fascinating, as does druidry in general, and Pyralspite makes an interested sound.

"Is that why we weren't immediately turned out on our behinds?"

 

"We would never turn away people from our temple. It is a place of refuge, as well as one of worship." Esra takes a moment to look at Pyralspite, really look at her.

You feel intense scrutiny beyond the norm. It is uncomfortable, but there's no malicious intent.

"You're a new Sunbeam." It isn't a question. "You felt her Touch recently, yes? Perhaps it is her Will that you arrived here, at this time. She does not make flippant choices."

 

Pyralspite squirms a little under the intense examination, ducking her head slightly, and itching at one hand with a talon of the other. She looks up again at the firm words, head fins spreading upwards in interest. The words used do rather confuse her, though, as she's had very little access to what is technically her own church order until now. "I made a vow to uphold justice two years ago," she replies, touching the locket around her neck. "I managed to work out who... responded, but most of the people who've told me about her since haven't known much themselves." She nods at Lei. "I came here hoping to learn more."

 

"Ahh." Esra reaches out, and touches Pyralspite's hand.

You feel a wave of warmth, and peace, and the essence of compassion wash over you. You shiver when she removes her hand from yours.

"You are a Sunbeam of the Dawn Mistress. Together, her Chosen form her Rays. Our charge is to spread her Will and warmth and light through the land, pushing back the darkness." Esra folds her hands in her lap, and Altea sits at attention. She crosses her legs and leans forward, clearly eager to hear this talk. "Each of her Chosen are handpicked, and feel the Touch when she is ready to call them. I have never known any to refuse the call, but Casta will not force any into her service, and any who should decline are welcome to serve another." She tilts her head upward, to indicate the domed glass ceiling. In the dark of night, the colours of the stained glass are difficult to make out for your companions, but the glimmer of moonlight allows you to taste the golds and crimsons on the back of your tongue.

They taste like sunlight, and warmth, and home.

The dome depicts a smiling woman with a flaming sun for hair, arms outstretched in welcome, as if beckoning you close for a warm embrace. She wears a flowing red robe much like Altea's, plain and unadorned. It is the same image that decorated each of the doors to the temple.

"Casta is the goddess of justice, loyalty, and duty - in all forms they take. The duty of her clergy is to seek out the darkness in the hearts of those who do wrong, and work to show them the spark of light that lives in all peoples. We," she gestures at herself, and her granddaughter, "are her right hand. Her paladins are her left hand. They are called to travel the land, and combat the greater darkness - undead, aberrations, creatures for whom there is no spark to coax into a flame. If they should find an exception, it is their duty to try to show them a better path."

"It's rare," Altea pipes up, "but it does happen!" Esra nods.

"Her clerics serve as Justicari, overseeing matters of the law and punishment on local levels. We decide how to best aid those who have been driven to commit crime in finding their light and driving back the dark. At times, this will call for a criminal to accompany a paladin on their travels. Sometimes they serve as scribes, recording the efforts of the paladin to help keep the land healthy, and the scales balanced. Sometimes they provide more martial aid. Those chosen to accompany the paladins and fight by their sides often feel Casta's Touch at the end of their service."

Esra pauses, and finishes her tea.

"Casta also advocates mercy. There are very few crimes for which any kind of physical punishment, or worse, death, is merited. We focus on restoration and rehabilitation above all else."

 

[For someone who's blind, and wearing shades, Terezi is apparently still very capable of giving Rose a flat, unimpressed stare. "No physical punishment. Seriously?? You approved my backstory reason for wanting to be a paladin of this god, with all the implied ass-kicking involved, and then you throw this at me?" She slumps back in her seat, arms crossed, decidedly unimpressed.]

 

[Rose returns her stare with a measured one of her own, serene. "No physical punishment for the majority of crime, Terezi. Your backstory is completely unaffected by this development."]

 

[Terezi 'holds the stare' for just over four minutes, before groaning and throwing her arms up in the air. "Fine! Your fantasy world, you can make it so the judges let mass murderers run around killing everybody, that's not my choice."]

Pyralspite nods slowly, allowing the information to sink in. Her hand feels almost chilled, a sensation she's not that familiar with, and she wants to reach out to touch Esra, to regain that warmth. Instead, she tucks it under her other hand. The charge to spread light and banish darkness, to encourage people to return to the side of good, appeals to her in a way that she finds herself unable to articulate out loud.

"That's a... perspective I'm not used to, yet, but I believe it would aid me a lot in my path if you would tell me more, when it's not so late at night."