"Fuckxng rxghteous," you grin evilly at your reflection. "X look lxke X'm about to usher xn the end txmes or some shxt. Wxsh X had some feathery wxngs to go wxth xt, but that mxght scare the larva." You proceed to have a very upliftingly evil chat with your matesprit, mostly involving the various ways you can ruin Cloris Whatserpail's internet reputation. By the end of it, you're feeling considerably more cheerful. Finally, a use for your thinkpan other than as a place to hang your goggles. “Yay, there’s somethxng X can do after all” you mutter, petting LL's hair.
You can't tilt your head back to peer at him, because that would bump your horns, so you just lean more into him. "Oh yeah? What'd Bel say? He doin' okay over there in his sneakzone?"
"X guess so. He sent me to some websxtes so X could mess wxth your jade fungus problem. X took her sxte down, but X don't thxnk xt'll stay down forever."
"Holy fuck, you did?!" You squirm out of his arms and turn around to look at him. He is grinning in a way that makes your work on him look about a hundred times more fuckoff horrifying. "Goddamn bro, you did that all while I was fucking around feelin' bad for myself? Did you up and drop any more computer bombs on that bitch?"
"X ordered her some pxzzas, and got Dxsgracebook to gxve me access to her account based on guessxng her securxty answers. X joxned a lot of antx-Empxre groups and stuff. X couldn't get anyone to outrxght tell me her locatxon, though."
Your mouth drops open, and you unthinkingly punch his shoulder. "NO SHIT?!" Then you wince and pap his poor shoulder. "Aw, fuck, I'm sorry bro. Fuck, the hell is even wrong with me?" You kinda curl up against his chest shoulder first and quake, little breathy unhinged giggles escaping you. "Shit. I-I guess that'll all be keeping her busy and shit while Bel does his thing?"
"X'll do what X can," you promise. "Let me know xf you need anythxng else. There are lots of people on thxs xmageboard who lxke to ruxn lxves. X'm bound to pxck up some poxnters. Also no one can see those pxcs xf trollmblr xs down, whxch xs good. Hope X dxdn't mess up anybody's recxpe blog, but X guess you have to break a few eggs xf you want to make... uh, never mxnd. Please do not strxke me, X never fxnxshed the sentence."
You don't care if it's just temporary hacker shit, you feel like your whole world just got tipped rightways again. Your moirail is a goddamn hero. Bel is a miraculous fuckin' superspy. It always hits you like it's some brand new shit, how your family is all to be taking care of you like this when your past shit fucks everything up, when they've been doing this the whole goddamn time, it's only you what gave up on you. Sniffling, you butt his collarbones at that little almost-pun--bless his bloodpump, he really is trying to cheer you up, isn't he?--and get his arms around you more. "I... I can't think of anything worse than the shit you two are already flinging her way. Goddamn. Uh. Were you all seeing those pics?" You don't know what you'll think of the answer either way--just, abruptly, not knowing is so much worse than knowing.
"X covered the concupxscent bxts wxth overlay blackboxes," you admit. "also x made some pxctures for you. xf you want to see them." You send her the first batch of replaced-head images. You are particularly proud of the one from Two Teals One Drinking Receptacle.
You grimace and hunch your shoulders, your ears drooping. "Ah. Sorry you had to see that, bro." But then your husktop dings and you peek at the links he sent you, and the sight of those goddamn bobbleass stupid heads all over your embarrassment makes you completely lose your shit. You bust up cackling and burst into tears at the same time, barely able to keep up with your breath as you flail and gibber and cling to him. "Motherfuck, I don't even know what all that goddamn means and it's fuckin--it's brilliant, it's--" you bury your face in his throat and bawl, fisting your hands up in his flightsuit.
"Whoa, hey, don't, you'll wreck your monsterface," you pat at her arms in distress. There is a pink flash. "Oh hell." The grub wakes up in a miniature lightning storm of perfect indignance. "Warrr," it insists, wreathed in itty-bitty lightning. "Nyarlag." "Yeah, well, your lusus," you mutter. Then you realize what you just said. "Sorry, dad." Your otter guardian mumpfs and squirms around the barking grub like some kind of weird giant furry snake. Maybe all that oily waterproof fur keeps the lightning from stinging him? Either way, the grub quiets again, but now she's staring at your face with a fixed expression. "Booga booga," you say, showing your teeth. If the larva is going to be scared, you might as well use it to your advantage. "X eat the screechy ones fxrst." The grub starts shrilling out the most godawful cicada buzz of a laugh you've ever heard, and the lightning subsides.
You hiccup sharply and clap your hand over your mouth the second that flash registers, hurriedly blinking away tears. "Aww fuck, I woke up the baby," you say, but it comes out all muffled around your shaky smeary fingers. You watch their exchange and feel a strange little pang of pride as Galley puts his new mask to use. Its shrieky laugh gets a grin out of you. "Sorry, buglet, I wasn't meaning to make any kind of fuss that loud." You wipe at your face some and check your reflection in the camera again. Miraculously, your mask isn't totally ruined--you just look all shook up, which doesn't bother you because you are. Outside, the sky is tinged all bloody sunset colors. You're already starting to feel that woozy panfried feeling that comes with pulling an all dayer, but you're strangely reluctant to reach for one of your magnificent coffees. Lords even know when Bel's gonna get his shit done, and you don't wanna risk running out too soon. But you'll worry about that problem if it comes. "So," you say, yawning. The good thing about cuddling up with a moirail made of bones and muscle is that he's too sticky-outy to fall asleep comfortably on. "What do you think you'll do with your lil' hatchmate?"
"Fuck, X don't know. Xt's not even really mxne to do anythxng wxth." You watch your lusus preen the larva's snarly hair (a lost cause, you can't even see whether it has horns yet in that matted mess) and try to imagine leaving them here together, alone. Or worse, taking them with you. A shudder runs through you when you imagine the empire catching you all with a stolen grub. And a yellow one, which is even worse, since goldbloods are military property. "Maybe we could take xt back?" Honestly, you don't feel right suggesting it. "Xt's supposed to do, lxke, trxals and stuff. To see xf xt's fxt to survxve outsxde. What happens xf you don't pupate xn the caverns? X should ask Bel, hxs lusus took hxm out early. He--" You are interrupted by a loud splintering crack! from the forest. Your lusus is on his feet in an instant, his fangs bared. He is growling. The larva clings to his ruff with its horrible little claw-legs. It is, of course, also growling.
You're about to mention you don't know shit about this because there's nobody you know besides Bel who never did their baby battles, and you never really talked to any jadebloods about their minding duties because you were too busy peeling them out of their clothes at the time, but then that earsplitting CRACK makes you gasp and freeze up instead. It takes you a moment to unfreeze--long after Otterdad starts his growling. "Ah shit. Shit!" you grimace at Galley, whispering even though there's nobody around to hear. "The hell are they doin' out there for? I thought this place was all abandoned and whatnot!"
"Fuck xf X know," you hiss. "X thxnk that was a gunshot." You cut the lights. There's blackout drapes, but they might not be enough. "Hang on, X'll check the monxtors."
You bare your teeth at the doorway, though there's no sign of anyone approaching just yet. Otterdad's aggression has you all prickly and your teeth itch with the urge to clamp down and bite because TEAR WHOEVER THE FUCK THAT IS TO SHREDS IT'S YOUR HIVE AND YOUR GRUBS AND YOUR WEIRD CLOWN FRIEND-- You drag in a deep, hissing breath and struggle with the pan exercises Sigbro taught at you, mentally wrapping Otterdad's fury up in a little brain box and taping it up all shut so his feels quiet down. You imagine what the box looks like, what the tape looks like, the shelf you put it on, and soon you cautiously let your body unclench. Then there is another CRACK and your pan explodes as somebody's lusus--an elk, their troll is riding it, a cerulean blood--goes down in a tangle of slender limbs, its head a fine blue mist. That bullet seems to halt the whole planet--your thoughts stop, your breath stops, you swear your bloodpump stops. All of your nerve endings are on fire, and you're vaguely aware that your body is slumped against Galley, your mouth sagging open and your head full of static and chaos, all those last minute flashes of color and pain and reflexes all in one instantaneous burst as you gasp and twitch and stare off at nothing--
That thwap brings you back and you give your head a single, violent shake, your skin crawling. For a dizzy few seconds your bile sac nearly brings up the fish you just ate, but you manage to clamp it back down. "FfffuckshitgoddamnmotherFUCKINGsonofaBITCH--" you snarl, and inwardly you're already scolding yourself for being so focused on keeping Otterdad out that you forgot about everything else out there and look what goddamn happened, skybros on a fucking platter-- "Lusus. Somebody's m-mom." Sharp grief blossoms in you and your voice quavers briefly. "I think there's some kinda, shit, fuck if I even know, some kinda royalass flarp game all to be goin' down out there and somebody just fucking lost it big time."
"Shxt. Are they juvenxles?" She nods. "Like, five or six sweeps. Maybe half a dozen in all." "Fuck. X don't want to choose between mass murder and gettxng turned xn by a bunch of spuds. The grub and me should get gone xn case they come thxs way."
You are still shaking off the echo of the elk's last seconds of life, and so what Galley says doesn't register right away, and when they do, you give yourself an awful wrenching neck pain whipping your head around to glare at him. "Ow! Oh fuck THAT. I'm goin' with you if I gotta cling to your fussy lil' ankle the whole damn way."
