Garage bulletin board

And, like... so far my friend has been really right, just spoiling myself on R1 and going into R2 makes the way The World warps and does its own thing a lot more disturbing right away. A core information support system going wild and wreaking havoc in the real world over the internet is a story I've seen multiple times, but the idea of people looking at that happening and then deciding to stuff the AI god back in its box to take control of it again gives me the best sort of Big Yikes going into Root and G.U

 

*climbs out of Indieglut Lugh and lurches around like a corpse*

My life officially has no meaning anymore. This series has done Violence to me that words cannot adequately capture.

 

Also like an excuisite read on me as a person from my friend for hiding their tell when I expressed even a surface level interest in Ovan. They held that hand close right up until the ending, knowing that I would lose my shit. I can't believe they just sat there on top of their trash mountain, waiting for me to come begging.

The fandom being like five people and a bag of chips is a shame but I don't think I could survive the Ovancourse if it was any better. Not with the ending playing out the way it did.

 

Sometimes, you just.... Just....

forehead.... touches....

 

I hate that fucking "white people ruined the intimacy of nudity" post from the bottom of my heart.

Stop saying "white", stop saying "western", and start saying what you mean, stop insisting that cultures you don't fucking know work Exactly Like White Anglo-Saxon America. I hate you. Shut up.

 

Like you literally CANNOT say "white people ruined" a thing when you're the one reading YOUR biases backwards into a culture that doesn't have them. Your ethnic marginalization doesn't save you from American exceptionalism and cultural imperialist brainrot.

 

Furthermore! A lot of people who are white and anti-imperialist will reblog that post and not once think about how white colonialism is more complicated than "the bad puritans went everywhere and introduced ~shame~ to innocent cultures without all these silly taboos" is literally just colonialist propaganda, but Good, Actually.

Also the white hegemony that doesn't do the thing you think is evil is still just as racist, jsyk.

This is such a good example of conflating problems when they don't need to be conflated, and becoming a cultural imperialist in the process.

 

I'm going to do something uncharacteristic. And express sedate confidence in my ability to pass my driver's license exam.

 

Anglophones shut up about how non-English speakers sound like when they sing in English.

I mean it. Shut the fuck up about it. Both in the sense that "cultural imperialists don't get to complain about what people do with the cultural signifier westernisation forced on them" and also "Western English speakers don't speak 'better' English than non-Western/non-European English speakers" and also "the value of sung performance has way more important factors than fucking. Proper pronunciation" and ALSO "if you wanted your language to be easier to sing in, maybe you would have let it develop into a more lyrical direction"

 

I passed my driver's test!!!

...BADLY PASSED IS STILL PASSED!!!

 

Motorcycling, a week later:

EVERY DAY I DRIVE TO WORK

EVERY DAY I DRIVE BACK HOME

LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A COMMUTE

AAAAAAAAAA

 

I'm sorry, Character Theme Week I'm participating in, "we don't want shipping content or porn" is a valid limitation to put on your event but in what world does all the content Bulkhead get be shippy? And can I go there somehow?

 

I enjoy the content of this one Youtuber a lot b/c his taste is just so divergent from mine and he's good at explaining the appeal of shows like that, but their latest video feels...

Like... Man, "audiences have evolved past the need for 22 episode seasons" is possibly the worst argument for why the writing in a show he doesn't like is bad. I have never disagreed with anything as violently as I have with "TV shows need to feel more like extended movies than TV because that's how modern TV is". I could accept if he was saying he wanted TV to feel like extended movies, but to insist that the whole potential audience wants that is just.... no. No no no.

If you wanted to say "there should be fewer episodes per season of this badly-written show so there would be less of it to watch", you can also say that, too -- but the thirteen/ten/six episode seasons of streaming services are awful and I hate how popular that mode of storytelling has gotten.

 

I wanna go for a drive but gas costs money and also the TFN Big Broadcast 2021 is beginning in like ten minutes so I wouldn't get very far.

 

This shift desperately needs to get busier so I don't have time to feel sad about how I haven't felt safe in fandom for ongoing four years.

 

Like is that pitiful? I know there are people who have *never* felt safe in fandom and I feel for them -- no doubt some of them are like me and have never felt safe anywhere else, either. But like, I truly just don't know where I'm supposed to pull the empathy for thinking about other people's lack of inclusion when I've all but lost the one thing that has kept me sane over the years.

 

Like am I supposed to feel a sense of righteousness over how I'm just as miserable now as people who have been excluded from fandom in the past? People who now don't want to include me either b/c I was some sort of beneficiary of their exclusion?

 

I have lots of reasons to want to be in community with people who have been excluded, whether they feel like it or not,too. Like, yeah, that has been my whole life. To this day I do not feel fully human due to the overwhelming alienation from other people that I've felt my entire life. I don't know how to reconcile these feelings, and I don't know what to make of being *told* they somehow need reconciliation when in my mind they're entirely compatible.

 

And like I can't *describe* how frustrating me being a morose crybaby about this is *to me.* Yeah, no *shit* nobody trying to build a better fandom wants shit to do with me, if I'm just gonna be a depressed stormcloud who needs constant babying and can't go two weeks without needing their feelings validated. There are very good reasons for people to tell me "if you want a space in this community, you need to fucking contribute"

Contrary to popular fiction, wallowing in your own misery *sucks* and if I could turn my sadness and fear off, I would!

 

I suppose it just comes down to how I absolutely don't on a personal level believe in anything other people doing ever being anything but harmful to me. I *can't* feel hopeful about changes that cause me pain right now *ever* not doing that. People have historically never offered solutions that I haven't had to fight against to make them realize they're hurting me. And usually they're still not convinced. Nobody has never said "I'm sorry I didn't believe you", they simply roll their eyes and tolerate me changing the method they created to Not Hurt Me.