Garage bulletin board

Also like I am increasingly annoyed at people being like "second kudos does nothing"/"why would I leave a nothing comment" -- like, if you don't like people rereading your work, then buddy that's a you problem to me.

I take great pleasure at deleting notes on Rekudo and Assist Mode that complain about how people should just learn to leave good comments as if that is not a skillset I worked on for ten years, and other people have worked on their entire lives. Like, what are you doing to help? How is telling people "either leave good comments or don't leave comments at all" if you're not actively seeking out the people who aren't currently commenting because they don't know how and helping them!!!

At least I am fucking doing something!!!

 

Kintsugi, the place where I come to scream into the void about how social media processes is bad for everyone.

 

"I'm not saying their relationship is familial, I'm not saying they're brothers -- I am saying that if they were brothers, A would be a brocon"

 

I can't block [ex-friend], it's only been six years and there's still a chance we'll finally have the conversation about the thing that made us stop talking in the first place

 

(This finally made me block them. Now they're hidden from my feed forever.)

 

Thing is, like... I'm mostly bitter that they didn't handle it themselves. I've been thinking about this ever since they said "I only last about three years in any friendship, I think our time is just up" which is exactly the kind of low self-esteem statement you're SUPPOSED to argue against. And I did for at least two years more.

But every time I thought about them, I thought about that statement. And I kept thinking "why am I putting effort into a friendship that the other person has given up on? Because I love them? What is the point?"

 

I guess the point really is that I do love them. But I need to start giving up on relationships that only function as long as I keep starting conversations. I want to take people at their word when they say "I just don't know what to talk about", but in practice... it's not worth feeling like I just don't exist to them unless they're actively talking to me.

 

My one regret is this one guy who DID eventually like... try starting conversations with me, he was just doing it when I was still unmedicated and angry and raw and I just couldn't talk to him. So, wah wah, lost opportunity because my brain was specifically Bad, and a lesson learned to them about how I apparently didn't want the things I said I wanted.

(I did. But that was years ago and there's no way for me to communicate that I really did appreciate the effort.)

 

I need someone to commiserate with me over how fucking godawful the XC3 DLC was.

Holy shit it was so bad.

 

It felt like three different plots were competing for space amongst each other. It explained a bunch of stuff that didn't need explaining, and didn't explain a bunch of stuff that did need explaining, leaving the entire metaphysical universe of Xenoblade 3 free-floating so it could suck off the previous games' protagonists one last time.

 

The only characters that mattered in the DLC were the ones from 1 and 2 and considering it's DLC for XENOBLADE 3!!!! THAT'S A BIT OF A PROBLEM!!!

I am so miserably disappointed. My expectations were low but holy fuck Monosoft

 

I've been thinking about what I wanna do now when Rekudo is fully out and I keep circling back to the idea of organising something that'll make it easier for people to ask for sensitivity reader opinions, maybe facilitate a membrane of anonymity between asker and responder that is more wieldy than asking anonymous questions on Tumblr and hoping that the blog tags their asks well.

Maybe even something to help arrange for compensation for sensitivity readers and translators and the like, although I'd like to do that all in public, like, literally have a big Excel sheet on who got paid to answer what question. I'm pretty well-off, I'd like to use my spare change for something like that tbh.

 

Like I was thinking about this because I started thinking through the problem of including a character signing in a comic and where I'd find that information and who I'd ask and I just drew a blank. I wish there was something that was, like.... not centralised, maybe, but curated where I could go ask someone for help without risking foisting the need to represent their class of people onto someone just living their life.

 

A lot of people like talking about their life experiences and a lot of people have questions they want to ask. And I think seeing questions being asked would help people better figure out what questions they want to ask, too.

 

And while I am quite hesitant about the idea of bringing money into fandom any more than we already have to deal with.... money is a strong incentive.

 

IDK. I think this is one of those "there's a will but there aren't a lot of means" situations where most people want fandom to be better, but just don't know where to start unraveling the problem. I think most people want to take other people into consideration, and a lot of conversations about bigotry perpetuated in fandom snarl up on the people perpetuating the bigotry not having gotten over their kneejerk "But I didn't mean that!!!" and derailing conversations about poor representation as a consequence of needing to protect their egos.

If I could built, like... a bulletproof diving bell for people to experience those conversations while having the option to completely check their ego out of it, I think that might help.

But considering this is literally asking for emotional labour from marginalised people, I would also want it to not be something they gotta do with zero compensation, not as a service they have to render.

 

I'm still mulling it over, IDK. I'm not sure what shape something like this would take, if it would be too complicated to run out of essentially two Excel sheets and a text-only database. But I'd like to build more things.

 

I don't know if I want to keep reblogging my Xenoblade posts.

On the one hand, most of my followers are from my TF posts and don't give a shit about the Xenoposting, but on the other hand I worked hard and it really sucks that most people are probably never gonna see the stuff I worked hard on.

 

I should probably be reblogging my TF posts more tbh

 

*CHEWS DESK* I SEE YOU LIKING MY POSTS AND NOT REBLOGGING THEM AND I RESPECT YOUR AGENCY OVER YOUR BLOG

BUT PLEASE I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!