he needs some milk

fuckin anyway this blog is hoppin’ and idk why anyone wouldn’t wanna be here ;) (i am being sarcastic)

i want to invent a term called “ass-backwards boundaries”. it’s when you talk about something and then ask people not to talk to you about it. and that’s what i’m doing. i fail. i should simply not talk about this, at all. that would be an actual boundary

 

most guys i e ever met are supportive of me and my transition... it’s just that... my transition is failing.

 

i didn’t shower or do anything else today and now i can’t sleep

 

i had an almost-sleep rest period

this is getting seriously boring. i talked to my case manager today, she makes me happy. she makes me feel like i’m one continuous person. she said i should be on tv. she’s so supportive lmao. she thinks i should write a book too. maybe so since most people in hollywood are scumbags and i’m truscum.

 

i’m seriously getting bored. i can’t love myself here. i want to skate or draw. but i don’t because i can’t look in the mirror and see the same person i’ve been. i have to write my story down or else i don’t even know who is in the mirror today. maybe i have developed DID because i did black out for a period of time.

 

i’m trying to use meditation to control my heart pain

i’m seeing this kid (not kid, but street kids can be any age) from the streets tomorrow and maybe he wants to cuddle? i don’t know. i think he likes me but he just wants to eat food and get high which is what feels good to him and he invited me so that should make me feel better. i really hope he will let me hold him though. also we’re just smoking weed and he has an sro, get your mind out of the gutter

 

i’m still transitioning... i’m getting my hysterectomy in a couple weeks. it should be fine. everyone say goodbye to my uterus. they asked me what words they can use to refer to it but i couldn’t think of anything funny. i could have asked them to call it a baby bag and they would have to comply

 

every time i see the letters “en” my mind sees the word “ruben.” get the fuck out of my mind

 

mortal values... dot bandcamp dot com

 

i don’t feel like anybody really knows me... but they witness me as in they see me in real life and they see the way i act.

 

i got my blog back on tumblr too... whoever trolled me by stealing my name got over it i guess

 

i’m gonna be so tired tomorrow maybe i can just sleep with my homie... i love a good nap

 

the way whenever i’m holding my friend or they’re holding me, i have the urge to say “ruben...” that’s not real

the way i have the need to sleep with and cuddle all of my new friends definitely has nothing to do with the fact that ruben said they wanted to sleep with me

 

that youtube video is mega annoying btw they call this person a lolcow but i love that person because transsexual.org was like my identity forming moment

 

i’m definitely always going to be a lolcow i just have no shame

 

i wish people would stop saying the word larping for things on the internet. if it’s online it’s just role playing

 

i want to eat the ramen i have but there’s no point in eating if i’ll just go to sleep...

 

i finally fell asleep

 

i fell asleep so hard that i forgot everything that i was doing...