Spoiler: s2e21 minkowski commanding why is minkowski doing the intro? oh my god she's finally cracked commander renee "i can solve all my problems with a gun" minkowski "stuck in a trap built by wile e. coyote on speed" oh my god. oh my god minkowski you've gone full vietnam on this thing? "which reminds me. i need to make more acid" hon i think you're on acid "is that supposed to be hilbert? you sound nothing like him, eiffel!" INJOKES! HA! like... girl, i get it. you feel responsible for this ship and now that something's gone wrong you have to fix it. but you've gone fucking crazy. IT BUILT ITSELF A NIGHTLIGHT. IT JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE IN THE DARK. DON'T KILL PLANTY. DON'T KILL PLANTY THE FRIENDLY PLANT. "don't hesitate," she says, hesitating "it's dire when i'm the responsible one around here." eiffel, i agree. proximity alert. oh. it's loveless's pod. duh. hilbert lied. duh.
fyi @pixels most of the fandom calls planty "blessie" bc they're the Blessed Eternal from when they took over Hilbert's brain. which, honestly, could it not have done that again and just ... explained itself ... ANYWAY in case you're confused about ppl saying "blessie" that's who they're talking about. call them w/e you want :)
it's a play off of eddie izzard's "sharky the friendly shark (but not too friendly)" schtick. "he only had one leg when i found him!" Spoiler: s2e22 mutually assured destruction new intro song! i like it! barney sensors to maximum prejudice holy shit. i actually love how dead loveless's voice sounds. very good. was the code... vulcan. why would you do that. "wait, the clip is empty" "WHY DID YOU BRING ME BACK" that is the sound of a woman who wants to die, eiffel "vanished" i don't... like...? "dr. selberg was secretly working against us" "luck, process of elimination, desperation" "he got sloppier at the end" "it felt like someone didn't want us leaving the station" "you attacked him?" "best defense. i incapacitated him and i ran." "why would your ship pull a u-turn?" "i was hoping you could tell me." well, the comms pulled a u-turn from dorado... "then what the hell happened to me?" "maybes aren't going to cut it here, i need answers." "... this is still the hephaestus, but we can help." oh no. i ship loveless/rhea. oh no. "a friend." LIKE HERA IS FRIENDS WITH EIFFEL oh no she's gonna show her hilbert. oh no. this could go bad. this could go very bad. "what happened to captain loveless?" and he groans and lies again. she sounds like an AI and i love her. i love loveless. "NOT YOU YOU CAN'T BE HERE" I LOVE HIM PANICKING I LOVE HIM PANICKINGLSKDJFOIWOEURSJLDKFJ "they? that's interesting. you never questioned it, because the thought never occurred to your genius brain that they could be playing you like they're playing all of us." she's right. oh my god. i love how zack somehow manages to choke in a russian accent. "i'd never seen him like that. he was terrified." "he's not the only one." "maybe she's some kind of clone or a really good robot?" oh my god eiffel you're cute "because those only exist in science fiction" HAHAHAHAHA EIFFEL HAS A POINT laksjdflskjdf "like the navigation computer. there's nothing on there. no records before 0600 before life support took her out. like the computer had never been turned on before." UH? TWILIGHT ZONE??????? CREEPY??????????????? WHAT'S MORE PLAUSIBLE??????????????????????????? I DON'T EVEN KNOW? yeah, what's the long con. because it exists. i'm convinced. except eiffel's right too: if something sounds this weird it's probably true. yeah. they have a way home now. hera's stuttering. wow. (is she afraid she's going to be left behind?) "find me a reason to trust her." this is a long episode! wow! i thought it would be over! nope! i still got 10 more minutes! ooh, they told her about the alien transmissions. interesting, they never got those transmissions. AND SHE FOUND THE FREQUENCY RIGHT AWAY. OF COURSE SHE DID. (i really love the random classical in this series, though.) "it's just music!" THE SHIP NEEDS TO STOP CREAKING? NOW? oh. she's alarmed by planty. aww. oh. wow. hera can't... find the source of materials? who's pulling legs here? "i'm not sure they did, strictly speaking." hera's freaking out, too. "it's scrap metal that's been taped around a nuclear reactor. let it decouple and fall into the star before you get radiation poisoning." mysteries. mysteries. a lot of them. yeah. hera's freaking the fuck out. yup. it's because she'd be left behind. what... what are we looking at what's wrong with eiffel what's going on what OH MY GOD YOU CHEATED ON YOUR WIFE what is hapen WHAT IS EVEN "i invented being paranoid on this station." what the fuck is wrong with this woman nice megalomaniac speech, woman.
Spoiler: mini episode 2 day one first of all, day one on which hephaestus project? sounds like eiffel. i'll take it as eiffel. "so they can make sure we're not crackin' up or anything." (strike through the 'not', eiffel.) and! the ship is creaking on day one! i don't like that! oh my god he thinks it's big on day one. "it seems weirdly big for just three people." (well, there was a bigger crew before...) "we're actually really close to it! this is a little intense!" very suspicious. (also for some reason i've been headcanoning gravity on the station, not complete zero-g. aww, he's trying at pronouncing minkowski's name! "i wanna get along with her." hahahahaha so much has changed. "the other guy, dr. hilbert, seems friendly enough!" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. "we've got plenty of time to get to know each other." he's not wrong! oh my god he's creeped out by his future wife. awwwwww. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. he's talking about her like she's the ship. FUCK THE SHIP, EIFFEL. heffayeastus. Spoiler: s2e23 no pressure herr trigger. get it? hair trigger??? #jokes loveless sounds so fucking dead inside. "feeling gentlemanly?" "no, i don't want you getting shocked and activating your death switch." "i don't have that kind of time." WHY THE HELL NOT. YOU'VE WAITED FOR LITERAL YEARS. eiffel, what did you do. and now everyone is yelling! everyone! yelling! really interesting how there's now, like... commercial breaks in the show. why is loveless telling a joke. (did loveless tell hilbert the joke he had in am i alone now?) "i won't let that happen." she sounds so warm when she says this but then she's so dead when she talks about anything about the ship or the mission or anything. big money no whammies big money no whammies big money no whammies-- "you're the man, captain loveless." "i am. thank you." (disturbed? a little?) "it's a good day when we only have one crisis!" did you mean: my life hera you devious bitch and i love you so much
Spoiler: s2e24 tactical brain damage WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER LISTEN TO HERA i'm really glad i'm browsing pinterest during this so i don't get Stressed Out by this episode why is eiffel yawning i'm disturb well, shit. eiffel's convincing her to give up? oh. he's trying to prime her to listen to hera i think when hera gives the warning? ... well. shit. my wife is dead again. "oh! i just went somewhere, didn't i!" tactical brain damage indeed. yeah. she corrupted her own code. gave herself gangrene. and now she's having trouble accessing systems. (probably life support and shit.) and this woman is back to being super creepy. "you're gonna need a bigger boat" i honestly? there was no reason for a jaws reference? "oh, i'm really stupid." hera, i don't like it when you say that. oh no minkowski doesn't want to permanently damage hera. oh no. STOP DOING THINGS THAT KILL MY WIFE. oh my god even minkowski has to lie down. hilbert wants to sabotage loveless? or is he just on team hilbert?
Spoiler: mini episode 3 variations on a theme aka the episode where loveless has ptsd who was the other dude? "but does he know what happens when--" does she really want to save eiffel? dizzy spells? does hephaestus make her dizzy because of an inherent property or because of ptsd? hera/rhea. everything nothing changes stays the same. doktor constant. "we'll have to do something about that." HUGE PTSD WITHOUT THERAPY SHE'S SO MESSED UP AND SHE CAME OUT KIND OF WRONG ON THE OTHER SIDE Spoiler: s2e25 lame-o superhero origin story "thank you, eiffel." "YOU'RE NOT WELCOME" mad scientist work-release program "this unpleasantness is unnecessary" IS IT? IS IT????? "uh, yeah, it's called being part of the crew." actually... i like this way of thinking about my own life. i just... need a crew. now. is it weird that i kind of awkwardly cross-universe ship tony stark and isobel loveless? SHE'S BEING CREEPY AGAIN I WANT HER UPLOADED INTO A COMPUTER AND TERRORIZING CIVILIANS angry kitten face end me vat ist point? "that you don't think you did anything wrong!" this tho wow. "it was command who classified you as an expendable asset. they were the one who gave the orders to terminate. i didn't ask for this hand, but i'll play it through to the end." ooh. right. how did they go. "slowly. a shame." that they went at all, that it was slow, that it was painful...? "i'm asking you now. as long as you're on this station, we have an opportunity to do something of real work. if you don't want to push this further, i'll respect that, but the only thing i want is positive results." "you're afraid" AND YOU'RE NOT? BITCH "it's about time somebody started making choices around here!" and minkovski isn't? "there's no room for affection in science. there shouldn't be." ... for... sister... yeah. okay. THE SISTER BACKSTORY. "already too far gone from the radiation poisoning." this is... actually a real problem in russia, though. revenge "so explain what happened so i really understand!" yeah. SHE CARES ABOUT HERA. SHE'S THE CREW. oh shit. oh shit. "happy to be of assistance" means "fuck you." also eiffel has been coughing in this episode, which i don't like. ... and now he's coughing blood. what the fuck? OH BOY
doing the season finale tomorrow, one more episode for tonight: Spoiler: s2e26 do no harm geddit? because that's part of the hippocratic oath? and the first half of the witch's creed? and because doktor von doomenstein has already done harm? GEDDIT??? #jokes holy shit he's really sick. (this has to be hard to record.) HE'S NOT A FUCKING MEDICAL DOCTOR HE'S A DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY YOU FUCKING IDIOTS PROTECTIVE MAMA BEAR MINKOWSKI I LOVE the voice acting for eiffel. shit. that's gotta hurt, man. skillful. "My best friend" EIFFEL YOU JUST GOT FUCKIN FRIENDZONED HAHA ohhhh hera's hurting her badly. she hurts where she lost her crew. but does loveless know he lobotomized hera too? "the impotence." that's it. I DON'T LIKE KNIFE SHINKS oh my god. medical stuff makes me upset i love hera talking cheerfully about how easily she could murder doctor frankenstein <3 LOVELESS PTSD "you are the dumbest person i've ever met. i'm sorry you feel the weight of the known universe. i'm sorry you don't have friends to make your scary choice. but it's not yours to make alone. right now, while you're having a pity party, one of the crew is bleeding out. so if you want your revenge quest, fucking leave. but if you want to stay, get on board with the idea you have a lot to do." I LOVE HERA. "HOW ARE YOU FEELING???" HERA AWKWARDLY ASKS "what about you? we can't just leave you." oh my god. they have 2.7 years left on supplies. less of the medical supplies keeping eiffel alive. THE SHIP IS GROANING AGAIN. DO NOT LIKE. okay the star just? turned blue?? what is??? even???? happening????? ... and now things are on fire. GREAT.
Oh - this isn't immediately relevant, but the live show, "Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol," is in the feed after mini episode #4, but set in the two weeks of Eiffel bedrest before the end of Do No Harm. Still though I recommend listening to it where it is in the feed so it doesn't interrupt the ~dramatic buildup~.. ACTUALLY i recommend watching it, because the live show is on youtube :D
Thanks, I was wondering about this. Should I watch after season finale or in feed or??? I was gonna get to t when I got to it so long as there was a YouTube link
i'd watch it after the season finale. it's a ... light episode in comparison. if it were me i'd want to keep the tension going. (but that's just me)
Yeah, I'd listen to it either after Knock, Knock or just after mini episode 4 (cuz i kinda like the uninterrupted arc across the season gap and through the first three episodes of s3, but ymmv)
SEASON 2 FINALE TIME will probably steamroad through until the liveshow if i can Spoiler: s2e27 knock, knock "going somewhere?" ahhaha "i don't know if you've looked out a window lately." "i just put a literal fire out in engineering. i'm not going anywhere. i just wanna check on MY JUICEBOX" "give us a call when you, y'know... wanna actually help." #truth "commander, i have no idea." (if igor really doesn't know, this could be really bad.) "slight" "minor" "THIS IS NOT THAT" what's happening to eiffel and minkowski interrupting themselves? "did you hear something just now?" says the least paranoid person on this ship "it may not be a good idea to be in direct starlight." that's kind of scary. eiffel's getting angry? and mad? he's not normally this serious and tetchy. and now he's interrupting himself again. what the fuck. "do you feel alright?" "not sure." "maybe you shouldn't be out of bed." "no, it's something else." decima? radiation? something else in the hephaestus? i just heard 'wifel' instead of 'eiffel' and now i want a nickname "but that's not problem. DAT is problem." OH MY GOD. "best guess: increase in mass. the star is getting bigger." yeah, i'd like to know how, as well. "this is unprecedented, not bad plot twist for science fiction series!" I LOVE WHEN THIS SERIES LAMPSHADES ITSELF THES HIP IS CREAGHING AGAIN I DON'T LIKE IT WHEON IT DOES THIS yeah eiffel and minkowski are both freaking out and getting tetchy for weird reasons "hold on. there's something really weird going on here." what do you mean, eiffel? "i've been weird all day. i've been hearing things and i don't think it's just me." "very good plan, full of clever precautions." this is weird. yeah, minkowski this is weird. at least she already did the thing. "except for this handgun of course." RENEE I CAN SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM OF MINE WITH A GUN MINKOWSKI oh boy! a lot of paranoia! this is bad. "not now, hera!" LISTEN TO HERA. WHY DOES NO ONE EVER LISTEN TO HERA. PARANOIA PARANOIA EVERYBODY'S OUT TO GET US "can i please get you all to not kill each other for two seconds and listen?" "we're already caught inside the gravity well. we're losing ground." "if it occurred to me, i know the thought has crossed your mind. tell them." dr. hui's theory: waves affecting higher level limbic system functions. THAT'S HER SECRET SHE'S ALWAYS PARANOID i don't like minkowski stuttering... "here, take the gun, i really shouldn't be armed." lighten the load = release loveless's pod. also, who's comming them. because all of them are there. in the bridge. who's comming. i'm upset. i'm upset? i'm super upset?? i'm very upset??? SPACE IS WEIRD AND I DON'T LIKE IT??? outside transmission coming from the center of the star? what... the fuck...? I DON'T LIKE ALL THE STATIC. I DON'T LIKE? I'M SCARE? "so, someone could be listening?" "that's optimistic." THIS IS DOUGLAS EIFFEL? WHAT... THE FUCK...? OH MY GOD IT'S HIS COMM SYSTEM. THAT HE WAS DOING FOR THE RADIO TRANSMISSIONS. THAT THE STAR CAPTURED? AND SLUNG BACK? OR IS THE STAR MIRRORING IT? OR IS THE STAR SENTIENT AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY IT CAN COMMUNICATE? i'm gonna go back and check the first episode we confirmed transmission so i can check that this was his audio from before because i'm 99% sure
Spoiler: s2e28 who's there? so i'm still freaking out because i can't find the exact audio sample? don't tell me the signal is time traveling. "that's... not... me." he's freaking the fuck out. "well, it's not really officer eiffel. we don't have a voice of our own." IS THIS THE BLESSED ETERNAL WHAT THE FUCK "we have listened." yeah, he... what? has he really been transmitting his logs to deep space? oh my god. interesting. they picked the one who uses the most slang. "what is happening with the star?" "it's a process." "but it is you doing it. why?" "to communicate." "and we're gonna die." "to communicate." "you know who we are. dear listeners. please stand by." WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING did minkowski just literally slap him across the face? 2 VX-3 engines. one of them is on the escape pod right? maybe they don't have to jettison it after all. oh. is she. u kno she dead tho. "you askin' me to dance?" i remember from firefly. well, shit. minkowski's right. she still has the bomb trigger wired to her heart. i really hope that bomb doesn't go off. I DON'T LIKE THAT A LOT OF THINGS ARE BREAKING AND BUZZING I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T LIKE IT I DON'T LIKE IT eiffel's alive at least... well. shit. now eiffel's abandoned with the pod. how. what. i. "you're fine. the shuttle's even further out than us." interesting! but he has no engines. interesting. why does hera have to say "yet" AND NOW LOVELESS IS FLATLINING WHICH MEANS THERE'S A CHANCE FOR EIFFEL TO EXPLODE. GREAT. HAHA. GREAT. THAT WAS AN EXPLOSION I'M HOLY SHIT WHAT the bomb. went off. no power. spinning. and now he's out of short range comms range. "he's not showing up on any of my scans. he's gone." but not dead. she didn't say dead. why do people always have really bad dead-like things happening to them in season finales?
Spoiler: s3e29 pan-pan cool naming theme. i like it. and of course minkowski's voice actor does the intro because eiffel is "dead" (he's not really dead, i think we all know that, but it does sound pretty dire) 100 days ago? 100 DAYS AGO??? THE FUCK>>>>??????> knew about what. knew. about. what. minkowski is testy. loveless is sarcastic as hell. WHY IS EVERYONE FIGHT and now we have something loud? TAKE CLOTHES OFF. HUDDLE FOR WARMTH. HATEFUCK IT OUT. at least minkowski is trying for rescue! third option. wow. OH BOY. WHAT NEW EMERGENCY IS THIS. i really don't like it when everyone doubts hera. oh my god "count to ten without glitching. then i'll trust you to handle anything alone." NICE WAY TO TALK TO A BRAIN DAMAGED ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. oh my god. what the fuck. "that's not my fault." "so whose fault is it?" oh my god why is loveless going paranoia murdercrazy? what the fuck. "there. you punched a dead guy. feel better? CAN WE MOVE ON NOW?" "i will never understand you people." "i have never asked for forgiveness. but maybe you should, captain loveless. i only attempted to kill officer eiffel. you..." "i'm the person who sent eiffel. i'm the person who's in charge and never has any idea what to do. i can't even keep you quiet for five minutes." "there's something i haven't told you." that hera knows? oh god. oh boy. the ship has stress fractures everywhere. "they're the reason why nothing stays fixed. and we don't know if they showed up when the star changed or if they were there before." the end of operational life. the ship's rotting. "this is not a thing we fix." "how much time?" "depends what breaks first. if we're lucky, 120 days." wow. we're at a point where loveless says call command. "command are supposed to protect their crew, make sure they don't die. just do it before i change my mind and try to stop you." so now she radioed canaveral and not just hermes. okay.
Spoiler: s3e30 mayday DO NOT LIKE THIS TITLE. THIS PODCAST IS SCARE AND SPOOPY. rewinding the spoopy music? what the fuck all the way back to the end drum okay what well there's mah boi that's the end of s2. yup there's my danger music. at least eiffel knows what he's supposed to be fixing in priority. oh my god. the sound he makes when he realizes he's too far out. AND THEN THE SCREAM. ME TOO MAN. MARK WATNEY IS SCREAMING WITH YOU. "you're not here" "'course i'm not, but who gives a shit" "panic is unacceptable" "slow down. turn around. don't go into deep space. any way you can." starboard booster is worki... haha. out of juice. better than nothing? yeah? "now you figure out how to stay alive." "if only we had some sort of reference guide!" hAHA MINKOWSKI PUT THE GUIDE INTO THE CONSOLE OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I'M LAIGUOSNDOFNS was that a space fax? "it takes 74 hours for the aux system to recharge" oh my god he is doing mark watney math. i feel so bad for him. USS RELIANT ROBIN WHAT at least he has 70 days' worth of rations? "i can probably stretch that to" OH MY GOD IT'S MARK WATNEY MATH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THIS IS ACTUAL MARTIAN MATH I'M SO SORRY EIFFEL he gon drink his own pee haha you might notice that eiffel's action plans ALL SUCK AND INVOLVE DYING IN SPACE "it's all time. it takes too much time." AND NOW INTERNAL LOVELESS IS SMACK HIM IN FACE. 'you're a communications officer! commumicate!' "find someone else." the dispatch station! yup! the hermes! (and you can hear some memory echoing in his head maybe? ... although... that's two million miles to the left. "holy crap, i can freeze myself." more space-faxes. cool. is he coming out of cryo for faxes? "now you do it again. as many times as it takes." USS PONTIAC AZTEC and now we have the montage. "my toes are starting to bleed! i guess you're not supposed to put yourself under so many times." oh my god. the piano music is fucking killing me. also his virus can't be doing well. "... and the last of my hair just fell off." oh my god and he's whistling. or is that someone else? nope. that's him. and now it's his interior hilbert. and now he has to do actual math with zoidberg. he's lost his hair, nails, and half his body weight! wow! "go back to drowning yourself in carbonite. see if i care. the problem is time. being on course is not the same as being on time." oh my god has he just run out of cryo? well, shit. he used up all the water he had. and now he's knocked out the electrical grid in the shuttle. "game over." but we still have like... two minutes? THERE'S HERA. I LOVE. YOUR WIFE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. "you're not going to die here. you don't get to go away just yet." SPACE STRANGERS SPACE STRANGERS OH MY GOD AND NOW HE REALIZES "standby for coupling process" OKAY WHAT THE FUCK SHIP IS HE EVEN ON (and he's gonna look fuckin' horrible when he disembarks) how do they know who he is. seriously. what the hell. who is this. "we're here to take you home." which home? NEW SHIP HOO DIS e. is this someone minkowski managed to reach? or is this someone command sent to rescue eiffel in particular and not the uss hephaestus at large?
I love so much the roles all his crewmates play in his subconscious. Minkowski the voice of competence, Hilbert the voice of unwelcome truths, Lovelace the voice of raw, unconquerable survival drive... and Hera, the voice that's there when all else is lost. <333333333333
