how do make brain not do an anxiety over potential fights

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by evilas, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    that's a thing i was concerned about too, honestly. but i get the impression that, to most people, i don't come off as a jerk. there a few people that dislike me and a few people i've got into fights with but the general opinion people have of me isn't, as far as i can tell, that i'm an asshole or anything. i could be wrong but yeah, you can take my approach without coming off as a jerk to many people, i think. or maybe my standards of "how many people it feels okay to have think i'm a jerk" are different than yours. it could go either way, and it is your choice to make. i just made the choice i made 'cause, to me, it felt like some people thinking i'm a jerk would be much better for my mental health and easier for me to handle than letting my scrupulosity take over would be, and so far, it has been.
    heh, i used the wrong term there. either way, this is a thread about your personal issues, not a general thread like the steven universe or the gravity falls or the tumblr.txt thread, and so you'd be totally justified in asking me to leave it.
    • Like x 1
  2. mizushimo

    mizushimo the greatest hits

    I apologize in advance if what I'm going to say isn't relevant, I'm having some difficultly following the thread. But I feel like I have some things to add

    - It seems like you are trying to take personal responsibility for other people's interactions. It's an extremely easy trap to fall into, but you actually have no control whether two people get along. You can try to make the situation better, or prep them ahead of of time, but sometimes it just won't work out. If one of them starts complaining about the other one in private, you can honestly say 'sorry it didn't work out', instead of trying to defend the other person. Or "Person X, is a good friend, but I totally understand where you are coming from.". It's also completely possible to understand where someone is coming from with their opinion without agreeing with them, that's also a legit way to go.

    - I will say again, because it's one of the most difficult things to internalize. You have no control over other people's relationships, zero. It's not your fault if they don't become friends or have a falling out. It can be very awkward, especially if they are trying to make you choose sides, but you just have to do your best to be sympathetic and neutral.

    - It also sounds like you expect to be judge very harshly for having the 'wrong' opinion? That shouldn't be the case either. There are definitely some views that are dealbreakers for some people, but you should have a pretty good idea about where the line is with your significant others. You shouldn't need to make your worldview line up perfectly with your good friends in order to remain friends. It's definitely easier if you agree with them about everything, but it's also impossible.
  3. evilas

    evilas Custom title cause all the cool kids are doing it

    thank you. It's still not getting in but it's better the more people I hear it from.

    See, that I really don't get. Like, if someone says "The world as it currently is causes a ton of harm because of X, and the way to stop that harm is to do Y, which has been thought as a way to counter the harm X is doing" (which is probably a thing pretty much everyone would agree with with some value of X and Y), then how is that not saying "If you disagree with my political stances, and in particular if you disagree that the problem here is X, then I see you as someone whose goals include making the world worse"?

    EDIT: I just finished talking to my datemate about this.
    After the chat I... could actually start seeing the thing a bit clearer.

    It's about scale, and priority. For instance, you're not gonna think that just because someone isn't environmentally friendly they're an Enemy Of The Planet and Deserve Unfriendment Unless They Change Their Ways or anything.
    That makes a lot of sense and it's cleared some stuff up.

    Not everything, by a long shot, but. Some stuff. It helped. It got me off of the spiral you were unlucky enough to find me on, Mizu.
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2018
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