Humans are the weirdest aliens?

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Sethrial MacCoill, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. NevermorePoe

    NevermorePoe Nevermore

    Alien goes to stab human - human just, reaches over, and takes the dagger out of their hand. "Put that down before you hurt yourself, we both know you aren't fast enough to use that."
     
    • Like x 10
  2. Sethrial MacCoill

    Sethrial MacCoill Attempts were made

    I also want to talk about human art as compared to aliens. Like what an alien would think of impressionism, or cubism, or whatever the fuck postmodernism is trying to be? The first two only look like what they're meant to represent if you look at them just the right way, and with a brain designed for recognizing patterns and faces in specific configurations. And then the alien finally gets the hang of Picasso. Doesn't see what's there, but it gets the idea behind the funky looking shapes make humans, somehow. And then it moves on to Pollock, and is just so god damn lost
     
    • Like x 6
  3. BunjyWunjy

    BunjyWunjy Frabjous

    no no get this
    what if
    the humans just squat really awkwardly like they're talking to a small dog
    wearing the same expression you would use for an especially cute dog
    all humans do this, every single one, no matter what
    it REALLY FREAKS THE ALIENS OUT
     
    • Like x 6
  4. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    OMFG YES
     
    • Like x 4
  5. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Combine that with an instinctual attempt at patting (usually more of a facesmack) and you have yourself a lot of ppl trying to improve space skype or buy stilts
     
    • Like x 5
  6. NevermorePoe

    NevermorePoe Nevermore

    I like how humans are the krogan here.
     
    • Like x 4
  7. BunjyWunjy

    BunjyWunjy Frabjous

    humans would be in constant diplomatic trouble for basically treating small/cute aliens like puppies.

    "human- please, release the ambassador! And he is NOT 'such a good boy', thank you!'
     
    • Like x 10
  8. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Human having to share bed with a fuzzy alien on a mission and ending up holding them like a plushie and falling asleep
     
    • Like x 6
  9. Wingyl

    Wingyl Allegedly Magic

    Hah, awww.

    Hmmm...what about aliens surprised that humans can't hold their breath for half an hour, or aliens surprised that anything that generally eats more than once a day evolved sapience?
     
    • Like x 5
  10. BunjyWunjy

    BunjyWunjy Frabjous

    humans quickly become regarded as galactic menaces but for reasons no one ever saw coming back on Earth
     
    • Like x 4
  11. Wingyl

    Wingyl Allegedly Magic

    Things like trying to cuddle all the aliens, getting into really weird locations, and eating way more food than expected for their size?
     
    • Like x 5
  12. BunjyWunjy

    BunjyWunjy Frabjous

    and being Too Large and Quite Strong and Subjectively Insane By Our Noble Standards (after a human crawled into a heating vent after a dropped cookie)
     
    • Like x 6
  13. electroTelegram

    electroTelegram Well-Known Member

    traveling with humans is difficult because you either have to take the small ones (which the humans keep getting upset about) or carve out half your spaceship for living quarters
     
    • Like x 3
  14. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Alternatively human can be a dedicated crawler and get paid in chieropractor sessions when at planets
     
  15. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    let's be real, I would absolutely crawl into a vent in a spaceship for a cookie
     
    • Like x 10
  16. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    Humans being put in gladiator esque scene and everyone is expecting a brutal blood fest of the century but the human just flicks away the opponents sword and lays down in curiousity
     
    • Like x 2
  17. BunjyWunjy

    BunjyWunjy Frabjous

    alternatively, a couple humans go onto an unexplored planet with a bunch of cute tiny alien scientists, and one of the scientists gets injured by a hostile alien attacker.
    the humans' pack bonding protective instincts go off and they pursue and dismantle the attacker in a show of bloody brute force never before seen by any of the other species present. (the hostile aliens surrender immediately)

    I guess the moral is Humans Do Not Make Sense
     
    • Like x 6
  18. Wingyl

    Wingyl Allegedly Magic

    I saw a rather amusing take on the 'humans are big' thing. Basically, all inter-species contact took place via Space Skype at first.

    Then the humans were invited to this big diplomatic thing to welcome them into space society, and it describes it as "their ship grew in the sky. And grew. And grew." everyone is worried that the humans sent a warship and intend to take over the planet.
    then they realize that actually that is the diplomatic vessel, humans are just really tall.
     
    • Like x 12
  19. Fucker

    Fucker Well-Known Member

    A very good concept

    Imagine them getting used to seeing humans as gentle kinda eccentric giants so that when they see one hunting and dissecting prey everyone is like "oh holy crap wh at" and morbidly horrified
     
    • Like x 7
  20. Wingyl

    Wingyl Allegedly Magic

    Wait, if these aliens are mostly herbivores (as implied by them being horrified by hunting)...them freaking out at humans eating meat. Like, not even at hunting, just freaking out because some human brought steak or whatever.
     
    • Like x 6
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