Humans are the weirdest aliens?

Alien goes to stab human - human just, reaches over, and takes the dagger out of their hand. "Put that down before you hurt yourself, we both know you aren't fast enough to use that."

 

I also want to talk about human art as compared to aliens. Like what an alien would think of impressionism, or cubism, or whatever the fuck postmodernism is trying to be? The first two only look like what they're meant to represent if you look at them just the right way, and with a brain designed for recognizing patterns and faces in specific configurations. And then the alien finally gets the hang of Picasso. Doesn't see what's there, but it gets the idea behind the funky looking shapes make humans, somehow. And then it moves on to Pollock, and is just so god damn lost

 

no no get this
what if
the humans just squat really awkwardly like they're talking to a small dog
wearing the same expression you would use for an especially cute dog
all humans do this, every single one, no matter what
it REALLY FREAKS THE ALIENS OUT

 

OMFG YES

 

Combine that with an instinctual attempt at patting (usually more of a facesmack) and you have yourself a lot of ppl trying to improve space skype or buy stilts

 

I like how humans are the krogan here.

 

humans would be in constant diplomatic trouble for basically treating small/cute aliens like puppies.

"human- please, release the ambassador! And he is NOT 'such a good boy', thank you!'

 

Human having to share bed with a fuzzy alien on a mission and ending up holding them like a plushie and falling asleep

 

Hah, awww.

Hmmm...what about aliens surprised that humans can't hold their breath for half an hour, or aliens surprised that anything that generally eats more than once a day evolved sapience?

 

humans quickly become regarded as galactic menaces but for reasons no one ever saw coming back on Earth

 

Things like trying to cuddle all the aliens, getting into really weird locations, and eating way more food than expected for their size?

 

and being Too Large and Quite Strong and Subjectively Insane By Our Noble Standards (after a human crawled into a heating vent after a dropped cookie)

 

traveling with humans is difficult because you either have to take the small ones (which the humans keep getting upset about) or carve out half your spaceship for living quarters

 

Alternatively human can be a dedicated crawler and get paid in chieropractor sessions when at planets

 

let's be real, I would absolutely crawl into a vent in a spaceship for a cookie

 

Humans being put in gladiator esque scene and everyone is expecting a brutal blood fest of the century but the human just flicks away the opponents sword and lays down in curiousity

 

alternatively, a couple humans go onto an unexplored planet with a bunch of cute tiny alien scientists, and one of the scientists gets injured by a hostile alien attacker.
the humans' pack bonding protective instincts go off and they pursue and dismantle the attacker in a show of bloody brute force never before seen by any of the other species present. (the hostile aliens surrender immediately)

I guess the moral is Humans Do Not Make Sense

 

I saw a rather amusing take on the 'humans are big' thing. Basically, all inter-species contact took place via Space Skype at first.

Then the humans were invited to this big diplomatic thing to welcome them into space society, and it describes it as "their ship grew in the sky. And grew. And grew." everyone is worried that the humans sent a warship and intend to take over the planet.
then they realize that actually that is the diplomatic vessel, humans are just really tall.

 

A very good concept

Imagine them getting used to seeing humans as gentle kinda eccentric giants so that when they see one hunting and dissecting prey everyone is like "oh holy crap wh at" and morbidly horrified

 

Wait, if these aliens are mostly herbivores (as implied by them being horrified by hunting)...them freaking out at humans eating meat. Like, not even at hunting, just freaking out because some human brought steak or whatever.