i can't remember for shit and it's. kind of scaring me

preferably BEFORE the colony of evil brain spiders clean the place out n leave an empty noggin 8P

Spoiler: suicide cw

(kinda afraid someone's gonna take me off my meds to see if it's side effects and i'll end up offing myself or otherwise gettin srsly hurt, cuz drugged up me is already eternally chillin on the edge and unmedicated me is a horrific suicidal whirlwind of moon logic and determination)
(like, i get that that'd be a reasonable step, eliminate variables, but someone should prolly also take my belt n shoelaces if i have 2 quit meds-ing? i need 2 remember 2 mention that in a way that won't make ppl flip)

 

okay, saw gp. she was all 'yeah wow i want an eeg, i'll talk 2 the neurologist n see if i can move your appointment up or at least have that ordered ahead of the appointment' so that's good! she also thinks that the patching out plus the tremors could mean a seizure thing but there was nothing obvi wrong w/ me in ways that pointed to anything specific.

 

Well, at least she's taking it seriously! How's your nodes?

 

less tender n swelly. oh! also she might give me a school note so that's good

 

(i really need that school note lmfao)

 

school notes are the absolute best

(well actually not needing schools notes is the absolute best but you know what i mean.)

 

my gp talked to the neuro lady and she's ordering the eeg and a couple other things before i see her so that's good 8)
wish my leg would stop shaking tho, this is ridick >8(

 

Im so glad you have adults who know whats up and are taking you seriously.

 

my gp is just super great in general, she's the best doc i've ever had for anything. also she mentioned that this could maybe be some kinda seizure disorder? with the tremors and the forgetting where i am and all. so i'm a lil nervous about that but also just want that 2 be the end of it? those brain spiders are a scary lot

 

So glad your GP is taking this seriously.

 

i didn't even think seizure, and that sounds totally like a thing that could be happening. not all seizures are grand mal, or even petit mal. some are just "absence." epilepsy is also highly comorbid with autism. not sure if that is a thing with you (i can't remember jesus) but it is a fact that i know.

 

@pixels it is indeed a thing w/ me! don't think i've outright mentioned it on here tho, so you're good. it'd make a lot of sense, and has the upside of not being some flavor of the aforementioned brain spiders. u can, like. do things abt it n everything

 

ah, yes. i finally had 2 ask someone 2 do something slightly different because i can't remember well enough to follow along w/ them and promptly flipped a tit at myself. now i'm crying over rp. great

 

Spoiler

this is fucking terrifying i want to die before it gets worse

 

*hugs* this sounds terrifying, and i dont blame you for being scared. Its going to be alright though, you'll see. And we'll all be with you the whole way, for whatever comfort that is. Hang in there. Youre going to get better.

 

There will be things that can be done. They haven't even really begun investigating it yet. But this is a real, hardware problem, and those tend to be tractable to some degree. We'll be with you, as @Lissiel says.

 

just realized i've been reading and rereading the same act of twig for a couple days w/out remembering it. #welp

idk if i'm masochistic enough to keep on trying to make this whole reading thing work for me

 

Might be best to put it off until something improves. I mean, unless you're really ENJOYING reading it?

 

i like it when i remember it! i just...don't remember it 8')

 

which gets stressful fast


god, this is fucking irritating and i am irritated