My problems aren't very bad in the grand scheme of things, but I guess I could use some reassurance. About 7 years ago now, in my first year of grad school, the depression that I'd been dealing with for years finally hit critical mass. I shut down completely, could barely get out of bed, missed a ton of classes, couldn't do schoolwork, slept 12-14 hours a day, and had near-constant thoughts of serious self-harm. (Looking back, I suspect that undiagnosed executive function issues may have been a large contributing factor to ending up in that state, but it became self-sustaining pretty quickly.) Fortunately, a professor noticed that I was taking a nosedive and pushed me into getting some help. I took incomplete grades in all of my classes, went home, got on medication, and got into therapy. After a few months, I was able to go back to school on a reduced schedule, and I got my PhD last year. I had a couple other downward spirals during grad school - none of them were as bad as the first one because people were watching me like a hawk and I was more aware of the warning signs, so I was able to get back to a therapist before I crashed completely. Then things would get better for a while, and then 12-18 months later it would happen again. Well, it's been 18 months since my last crash, give or take, and I can see some of the early signs starting. My sleep schedule has been getting less regular. I am losing my ability to do simple tasks that are out of my routine. (As a small silly example, my vacuum cleaner has been broken for 3 months. I know exactly where there is a vacuum repair place. I have not gotten it fixed.) My focus is going to shit and I get stuck in loops of doing things I don't even enjoy. I'm an introvert at all times, but socializing seems even less appealing and more exhausting than usual. I know what the answer is. The answer is that I need to get back to a therapist before I hit the point where I can't take any action to pull myself out of this. I'm just tired of the whole thing. Frustrated, because I have a good job and a good life and my brain is still doing this crap. Scared, too, because I won't get the kind of accommodation here that I did in grad school - if I can't keep myself functioning, I'll lose my job. Does anyone have a hug for me?