I don´t think a mental hospital would be a good idea for me...

Possibly.
There´s also the not-sure-if-rational worry that since being in a mental facility would be so distressing, I would never be noticably better and therefore never get out again. Especially since cooperation with being medicated would just not happen.

 

This is definitely my own special interests/stick up my ass coming into play, but I gotta* ask: exactly how far do the perimeters of this doctor/medical phobia extend? If you can't tolerate any medical care at all, then that might be something you should work on either developing coping mechanisms for or learning to power through, because eventually you're gonna need a doctor for SOMETHING, and it'd suck eggs to be sick or injured AND totally freaked out at the same time.

*For a given definition of "gotta" that actually means "I don't gotta, but I want to".

 

@seebs From the post linked I got the impression that willingness to take medication is at least somewhat tied to being declared ok to go out again. In the sense that, if it is determined medication is needed, healing hasn´t taken place if medication is not taken, so patient is not ok yet. (Not in the mwahaha evil doctor sense that this might sound like.)
@Rongeur I go to the doctor if I´m more than mildly sick and/or need to take a sick day. (This generally requires a form from your GP attesting that you are sick in german schools and universities.)
You could not possibly know this but I have a lot of people go "But you HAVE TO help!" at me when I tell them a psychologist isn´t really a thing I can deal with, so I´d prefer if we didn´t pursue that line of inquiry further, it brings up bad things.

 

OHhhhh, okay. Yeah, I wasn't talking about psych stuff for that, that's a different issue. I was more trying to get a read on whether you'd be able to go to the doctor if your leg was broken (or your kidneys were failing, or you had appendicitis or w/e). And it seems like you're okay w/ that, so I'll let it drop.

 

@Rongeur Yeah broken legs or appenditis would suck more than a non-psych doctor. Which conveys pretty accurately my enthusiasm for doctors...
@seebs I don´t know. Like I said, it´s the impression I got but I might be wrong? Don´t know who I could actually ask though.

 

I just asked my mom we are both pretty sure that unless you are declared 'A threat to yourself and others' you can totally leave the institution as long as you basically agree that the doctors told you its a bad idea and you decided to leave anyway and will not sue anyone over any declines in health. Which is the same as any other hospital deal.
"Hat das Krankenhaus gegen den Rat der Ärzte verlassen" would be the relevant phrase here.

 

P sure it's some kind of human rights violation to incarcerate someone against their will, no matter whether it's a jail or a hospital, unless it's the threat to self/others deal. Meaning it's probably the same way in Germany as it would be here in America. I'll confess to not knowing about German diagnosis procedure, but I got my diagnosis just through seeing a psych/therapist for a while, talking through my issues (like someone's just kind of interviewing you, not even giving you therapy yet) and then getting a "shiny piece of paper."

 

It's actually a thing that you can deny any and all treatment you are uncomfortable with for whatever reason unless you are not actually your own legal representative? Obvious exception being you are unconcious and they cna save you with treatment they will just give you the treatment on assumption that most people would prefer to live plus they have that whole oath and shit.
But yeah (in Germany, but I assume in the US probably too) you can actually legite refuse EVERYTHING a doctor suggests and they cannot legally force you to get help, or stay in the hospital. It's a thing. Doctor's cannot force any treatment on you or force you to wait around. If you can get up and leave, and you aren't axe-murder levels of unstable they cannot prevent you from leaving.

 

Belatedly thanks for the info, it is useful to know.

Also, general status report: I´m not actively suicidal, beyond passing "I want to die" thoughts, but I am very very depressed and my executive function is shot to hell. Just in case anyone was worrying about me being found dead someday.

 

All I can say right now is, just remember that feelings are temporary. You, on the other hand, are from your point of view infinite. Feelings will pass; they're transient. You won't; you're permanent.

You'll get through this, even if it sucks for a while.

 

i had the same problem, like the whole thing about drs and hospitals gave me actual panic attacks. The first time I had to be hospitalized was an epic shitstorm. The second time though I was able to go to a sort of outpatient thing? I still had to be supervized any time I was out, but in practice since I live with my husband and hes pretty good at the 'in your general space but not directly interacting' thing it wasnt too bad. It was this kind of thing, if that helps: http://www.fairfaxhospital.com/programs/partial-hospitalization-program.stml

 

Thansl. The issue is that supervision/lack of privacy, plus structures made by not-me kind of ARE one of the big problems I have with hospitalization, so programms that do that outside of the hospital still don´t really help. It´s basically the whole point of that sort of hospital is what pokes me badly in the brainwierds.

 

As a note: when people are talking about compliance with programs etc as an influence on whether or not someone can "go home", by "go home" they mean "get formally discharged". That's not the same thing as being able to leave the hospital at all.

So for example, in most parts of the US, the law is such that you can only be held against your will if you are an immediate threat to yourself or others, and you can only be held against your will for up to 48 hours without the consent of a judge. What this means in practice is that you can only be held against your will for up to 48 hours unless you actually make a suicide attempt or try to harm someone else while actually in the hospital, because unless there's an incident like that the sheer quantity of legal fuckery involved makes this deeply unappealing. When I was on the psych ward there were several people who were involuntarily admitted, and a couple of them really did decide to leave and went home before they were formally discharged. Both of them were still feeling suicidal when they left but didn't report having an actual plan to kill themselves to staff. And during those 48 hours, they can't make you do anything. They can't force you to take medication, they can't force you to go to groups, they can't make you come out of your room and into the lounge, nothing.