i done fucked up (suicide tw)

welp. it would appear that ended up accomplishing basically nothing.

her gf knows more now, obviously, but it doesn't look like she got in contact with anyone who can actually do anything. and now my friend keeps bringing up how awkward and uncomfortable she is now around her girlfriend, noting not-so-subtly that it's all thanks to me!

work has been really crazy the past few weeks because thanksgiving rush, so i wasn't able to be online much, and couldn't talk to her for a few days. when i finally talked to her again, she told me how isolated she'd felt and how she attempted while i was gone and was probably going to attempt again soon but lol it wasn't a big deal! so anyway what video games have i been playing recently.

i almost actually yelled at her. which is shitty, i know, but i cannot deal with this. i did ask her 'what do you want me to do when you tell me you're planning on suicide, minimize the seriousness of that and then immediately change the topic?' she said i don't need to do anything. does she really not know that when she tells me she's suicidal, i instantly feel responsible? i can't hear 'i might die but don't worry' and just. not worry. that isn't how i work.

at this point i'm just stressed and scared whenever i see her online, because i know if i talk to her she'll tell me how suicidal she is and then brush off anything i do to try to help her, and honestly that's taking a huge toll on me. but if i don't answer i feel guilty. i told her that it was probably a bad idea to have me as the only person she can talk to about this, and she essentially said 'i'm sorry i rely on you so completely but talking to anyone else makes me w ant to die more.'

i kind of just want out of this whole mess, because i feel like i can't really do anything to make a difference and continuing to try is wearing me down real fast.

 

Oh wow yeah you need to get out
That's just. That's going to do nobody any good, least of all you.
I would advise telling her WHY you're cutting contact if you do, but be aware that she'll probably tell you she's going to kill herself again, since hey that's worked to keep you around before!
And i don't think it's especially shitty of you to have wanted to yell at her, because wow. Wooooow.

 

...i just realized the situation is made more complicated by the fact that she's in touch (to a lesser degree) with other people i'm friends with that i definitely don't want to lose, and cutting her off could. definitely end up affecting that.

 

You could message them and explain that she's going to be upset with you, but that you had a falling out. You don't have to go into detail with them, just let them know that if she feels the need to start talking badly about you, they should bear in mind that everything she says is not the gospel truth.