I need help breaking bad habits.

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by sockity mcbadsock, Oct 17, 2018.

  1. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants *cries in sports*

    I'm extremely hesitant to post in this thread, but I feel like as a survivor of child porn that I have good evidence is still being distributed, I might??? Have a useful perspective here??? I do reserve the right to drop out of this discussion at any time so I guess just be aware of this.

    The images of me were not created by people sexually attracted to children. They were created in response to demand because the people involved wanted to make money. So I can say definitively that people who consume child porn without directly touching children themselves are contributing to lifelong harm and trauma to those children. In a vacuum, as long as I never had to know about it directly, I would be... not okay but I'd make my peace with the idea of people still consuming those images of me, because the harm had been done, as long as it wouldn't contribute to the future harm of other children. But the thing is that this kind of thing doesn't exist in a vacuum. The people who abused me and documented it found out that they were so successful that they moved on to two other younger children in the household as well. They had no interest in any of us sexually, the money was just more important to them than the harm they did.

    So basically, I concur - please report this to a therapist and any future content that you see, report to the authorities. This is not the kind of thing that you can stop on your own and frankly, you need to face the consequences of your actions before more children are hurt.
    • Witnessed x 15
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  2. Ipuntya

    Ipuntya your purple friend

    wanna hear something crazy? most child molesters aren’t even pedophiles. some people do it for the money, because of the huge demand for child porn. many people do it not because they are attracted to children, but because they like having that kind of power and control over someone, and children are easy targets. many people are like the op, and do it because they are attracted to the taboo, and child molestation is the ultimate taboo, above anything else.

    the person we have here is someone who is attracted to the taboo, and is vy their own admission compulsively escalating to increasingly taboo acts. the immorality doesn’t deter them, only fear of consequences. they are a child molester waiting to happen.
    no, you don’t understand how this works. sex offenders don’t get put in solitary, that’s only for violent offenders who instigate trouble, or are a danger to other inmates or staff. sex offenders often are placed in cell blocks alongside ex-law enforcement and snitches, due to the high risk of violence against them. some get placed in federal prisons that specifically hold sex offenders, or medical centers that house physically disabled inmates. in states with Gold Ol’ Boys style law enforcement, child molesters may not be afforded these protections as retribution, but law enforcement areas that focus on community corrections are much less likely to take justice into their own hands.

    that said, even if it was the way you said, i wouldn’t care. i’d dox this person if i could, remember? i don’t care what happens to them so long as the threat they pose to children is eliminated.

    source: criminal justice /psychology major
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
    • Agree x 5
    • Informative x 2
  3. Existrum

    Existrum Member

    There is a person who works at a location I frequent, who was arrested years before their employment there, after CP was discovered on their computer. They did not even turn themselves in. Clearly they were able to reintegrate into society. To choose to not only avoid CP, but actively seek professional help for the issue, would be an even better look than that. If @sockity mcbadsock were to be arrested I believe they would not be given a harsh sentence, and would be able to reintegrate into society.
    • Agree x 1
    • Informative x 1
  4. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    I should point out that depending on their location, the legal restrictions on sex offenders can basically ruin someone's life without any chance of appeal (because once you get on it, claiming you're anything but completely guilty of everything listed is a crime itself). This might still be worth it for the safety of people around OP, but I can see how it would potentially discourage someone from turning themselves in.
    • Agree x 2
  5. sockity mcbadsock

    sockity mcbadsock New Member

    Thank you all for your varied responses.

    I am a relatively frequent poster to this forum using a sock Sub For the very reason of: avoiding this blowup where I can see it on the Daily.

    I have no desire to be sexual with children. I have no desire to seek out further taboo pornography. I have no intention to turn myself in. I have no intention of killing myself. This is not something I will be disclosing to my therapist. This is not something I feel I should be banned for discussing.

    I tried to tag this as appropriately as possible. If there is something I could have done better (inb4 stop being a pedophile), let me know.

    I don't understand why the words I'm saying are not being taken at face value. Maybe because everyone's hair trigger response is "you are an evil person for doing the thing".

    I don't want sympathy and ass-pats for seeking advice. I'm aware almost none of you are professionals.

    I'm more than willing to have a conversation about this, just mind it will be spread out over time.
    • Witnessed x 2
  6. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    ... Okay, I'll be honest here. I have the distinct impression that sockity mcbadsock is deliberately trying to make people uncomfortable with being on Kintsugi with them, or even speculate on who they are. Maybe they aren't even a regular Kintsugi user, or not anymore. Maybe this was even all made up to make people leave Kintsugi. Otherwise, the way this entire thing was set up just feels kinda weird.
    • Agree x 2
  7. Ana Nimus

    Ana Nimus Well-Known Member

    This is a felony, you don't really get to have a casual conversation about it just like you wouldn't have a casual conversation about having committed murder or kidnapping.

    There's not really anything to discuss beyond "get trained, professional help so it never happens again" and "report your sources to the proper authorities so that maybe the real children who were seriously harmed can get help"
    • Agree x 14
  8. Artemis

    Artemis i, an asexual moron

    If you aren't going to do the things that would help you "break bad habits" (which is a disgusting understatement, for the record) then why are you here?? Did you expect to be told you're such a good person for being "not as criminal as you could have been"?? This probably sounds aggressive but I am genuinely baffled what you thought was going to happen here.

    "I look at cp, how do I get help"
    "You should talk to a therapist about that and maybe confess to a felony"
    "Absolutely not"

    like well. ok then. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there's nowhere else for the conversation to go.
    • Agree x 14
  9. versi2

    versi2 ???????

    If you're not willing to get actual help in real life, can you at least tell who you are on here so people don't have to worry that anyone could be you
    • Agree x 10
  10. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants *cries in sports*

    Your words are not being taken at face value because you've admitted to something that hurts people, that many people here have experienced in some form, and people that do these kinds of things often downplay their own roles and underreport what they've actually done. It's legitimately that simple. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I even provided a very personal example of the actual harm you've potentially already done.

    That said I'm the fuck out. If you don't plan on seeking professional help I can't involve myself in this any longer, it's gonna fuck me up to stick around.
    • Witnessed x 9
  11. Gyro Zeppeli

    Gyro Zeppeli Pseudo Anti Cult Leader

    You literally committed one of the imo most fucked up felonies possible, and I’m not willing to put people in danger by assuming you’re totally not a pedophile and totally in control of your urges when you have already gotten to the point of looking at literal child porn.

    Get help, report any sources you know that might still exist, and if you refuse to get help for this I sincerely hope you end up in prison before you contribute to the harm of any more children.
    • Agree x 10
  12. Maya

    Maya 人間失格 • they/them

    If you actually cared about the people you harmed, you'd turn yourself in, accept the charges, get put on a registry, and gurantee that you end up in prison if it ever happens again.

    Since you admitted to not wanting to do that, then don't be surprised when every last person here writes you off as being a fucking monster. The least you could do is as versi said is reveal yourself so that none of us are forced to interact with a child rapist in the making.
    • Agree x 6
  13. Marcy

    Marcy \o/

    it's almost like when you demand that he turn himself in, make arguments from the immediate position of assuming that everything he says is a lie, and offer no help for the thing he asked for he isn't really willing to engage with you

    go figure i guess, what did you expect???

    'you're a fucking monster if you don't immediately turn yourself in, voluntarily put yourself on the a registry and basically for all intents and purposes end your life (metaphorically speaking, mods...) also nothing you say matters bc my crystal ball says this is exactly how u are and that you're a dirty dirty liar"
    'ok sure waltzing into the police station right now'

    did u forget that youre talking to a real flesh & blood person with thoughts, emotions, feelings, goals and <most importantly> a survival instinct? this sort of persuasion doesn't work <the yelling into someone's face kind> in overwatch matches, much less a volatile and dangerous real-world situation where peoples lives are at stake

    im just unsure of what anyone's goals are here because surely every single person yelling 'lock urself up' knows for a fact that there is a 0% chance of them actually doing that under any circumstance ever
    • Agree x 1
  14. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Okay, so, to clarify: If you were attracted to kids, I'd be less concerned.

    If you were attracted to kids, and you sorta dipped into porn and then said "no, this is not okay, I'm not doing this", that would be a thing that people sometimes do and recover from, and I'd definitely encourage you to discuss it with the therapist and so on, but "goes back from brink" is an understood thing, we know how it works, and that's at least possibly safe.

    The problem is that I'm taking your words at face value, and you're saying you're not attracted to kids, but that you compulsively had to go follow those blogs. And that is why I think you really, really, ought to be talking this over with a mental health professional. Because that isn't the thing where we understand and know roughly how it works. That's some weird compulsion shit, and until you've gone over it carefully with a competent professional, it's ridiculous to assume that there aren't going to be other weird compulsions in the future, which make you do things you can't stop until after you've already done them. And that is why I think you should absolutely be making sure this gets evaluated carefully.

    We're taking your words at face value, and your words are saying "I don't plan to do anything to mitigate this risk." You've already made it clear that you can't possibly know enough to allow you to evaluate the risk, because if you could, you wouldn't have compulsively followed child porn blogs while not actually being attracted to children.
    • Agree x 20
    • Like x 1
  15. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants *cries in sports*

    @Marcy so uh a good chunk of the people speaking here are CSA survivors who also have a survival instinct which says that we cannot let something like that happen again? Assigning feelings and said survival instinct to only one person in this conversation is fucked up and counterproductive. I have a lot of sympathy for people who have fucked up urges and do their best to get help for them, but this is the kind of problem beyond the scope of a bunch of people on the internet to do something about. This is the kind of thing that needs professional help before it escalates and OP has said clearly they don't intend to seek it. Frankly I think saying "tell a therapist" and "I can't trust your word" and only that is a hell of an olive branch to extend in my personal situation and no one else is obligated to coddle the feelings of someone who's verifiably by their own admission contributed to the harm of real flesh and blood children. What the hell else do you expect us to do when shit is clearly beyond our scope to handle?

    (gonna report this after I post and ask for a temp ban from the subforum because clearly I can't stop compulsively checking it)
    • Agree x 11
  16. Gyro Zeppeli

    Gyro Zeppeli Pseudo Anti Cult Leader

    Largely agree with Seebs, with the caveat that I think purposefully seeking out child porn at all is pretty clear evidence of a dangerous lack of control, especially regarding the safety of children.

    Every single image they looked at, saved, and beat off to was a fleah and blood child being abused, and the fact that they knew that and nonetheless chose to do so has imo permanently lost then any benefit of the doubt in regards to being a danger to society.

    The brass tacks of the matter is that OP is a dangerous person who committed a literal felony, and the only moral decision for them to do is turn themselves in, report their sources, and get help. Whether or not they choose the only moral choice is their prerogative (at least, until they slip up on their identity masking and get busted by the cops anyways.)
    • Agree x 13
  17. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Agreed. That's still evidence of loss of control, but it's at least a kind of lack of control that you can conceivably estimate/evaluate. Compulsions that don't align with preferences are unpredictable.
    • Agree x 3
  18. Birdy

    Birdy so long

    Marcy has an instrumental-level point, which is that yelling at people is a bad way to get them to do things

    but like, that doesn’t change the fact that OP has still done something really fucking bad and I think people are within their rights to register their disgust and horror

    is there any way that the people in this thread can ameliorate the situation? no, but that’s OP’s fault, not the fault of anyone that’s commented.

    lizardlicks was sympathetic and non-judgmental, and they told OP to go to therapy. OP said “no, I won’t do that.” therefore, the blame for OP Not Doing The Thing That Would Make Children Less Likely To Be Hurt rests squarely with OP, and not on anyone here for being too mean or something.

    yes, if OP truly wants to reform and not cause any more harm, they need to be doing it in a non-judgmental environment. you know where that would be? a therapist’s office.
    • Agree x 9
  19. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    Actual professional checking in. I don't hang around here anymore, but my clients sometimes request that I check up on things. But while I am a professional, I am not your professional until you sign on the dotted line and your check clears.

    That being said, the situation being described is probably a low risk for prosecution. DOJ has other priorities than finding some person fapping to Tumblr CP.

    However, you are on a dangerous path and in a dangerous place. You could be prosecuted and that would be a very bad situation and really mess up your life. Or some busybody could dox you and even without a prosecution your personal reputation would be ruined. Not good. Not good at all. Further, the situation described is one of increasingly seeking out CP which tends to be a one-way path to eventual distribution or even production and those are things DOJ is very interested in.

    So you need to knock this shit off. Knocking it off yesterday would have been better, but knocking it off today is good enough.

    You know this on some level. You just need to actually do it.
    • Agree x 20
    • Winner x 1
    • Useful x 1
  20. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    I am a mental health professional and a mandated reporter. I'm also a CSA survivor. So I hope that presenting my papers helps my words to be taken at least a little seriously.

    Depending on the therapist, your case is not one that would require immediate mandatory reporting as you no longer possess any child porn (right??, god I fucking hope not for your sake) and have stated your intent to never look at it again. That being the case, the best and only way to stay ahead of these urges that you've already said you cannot control is to get professional help with them. No one here can help you, no one here SHOULD help you because they'll do it badly and possibly cause more harm.

    If you need, start out by calling abuser hotlines to confess there and get advice. Use a payphone if you must, or a disposable cell phone like in a TV show. Whatever it takes to get used to the idea of talking to someone professional about this. And if the thought "that seems too involved" crosses your mind then just remember, you spent your time on the "puzzle" of finding documentation of children being sexually exploited. Just fucking do it.
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
    • Agree x 20
    • Winner x 1
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