I need help breaking bad habits.

Discussion in 'Braaaaiiiinnnns...' started by sockity mcbadsock, Oct 17, 2018.

  1. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    My concern is really just that, in the absence of a clear understanding of the mechanism of the compulsion, it is irrational to expect the compulsion to be controlled or stay controlled. That's the scary part -- that if you don't have a really good model of the compulsion, verified by someone proficient in the field, you don't know that you've actually knocked it off reliably, and it won't escalate in possibly exceptionally dangerous ways later.

    And concur with Beldaran's evaluation. Yes, you really do need a professional.

    If you want help making the call, we can do that.
     
    • Agree x 9
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  2. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    What the professionals are saying, OP, is that you can get off this bus.

    ETA: The way off this bus is not this forum. Too many folks here have their own issues to be able to give you the help you need or to assist you in self-help. They're going to be having their own freak outs, which won't help you and will hurt them.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
    • Agree x 8
  3. Gyro Zeppeli

    Gyro Zeppeli Pseudo Anti Cult Leader

    Insofar as the assertion that we're ignoring the actual call of the question posed by the OP, I am wholly disinterested in helping someone who compulsively looks at and collects child porn avoid the consequences of their actions.

    The answer to "what can I do to help with my child porn viewing problem" is getting actual professional help, getting put on a list, and reporting your sources. I'm not willing to offer anything else as a suggestion.
     
    • Agree x 6
  4. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    @Beldaran

    This might be a topic for a more general thread, but how does a person go about finding a therapist who specializes in a certain area and is good at it?
     
  5. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Normally you'd want to talk to your primary care provider* and then get a set of recommendations from their office of people who take your insurance. Then you look at their credentials to see if they're educated in the stuff you want help with and schedule initial sessions. Eventually you'll hopefully find one that seems like a good fit after interviewing a few. For something like this you'd have to rely on more dodgy internet research as I doubt people like the OP are willing to talk to their PCP about this.

    For the OP I'd suggest looking at a combination of whatever type of therapy has helped with other issues and an addiction speciality. Compulsion, guilt and shame, and past child abuse will not be unfamiliar to an addiction specialist.

    *(If you don't have a PCP then I'd suggest getting one, and in my state that's real easy through MassHealth so I'm not super helpful for people in places with a less robust healthcare system than Massachusetts.)
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
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  6. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Also, the whole "I'm done with this compulsion forever, I know it! I'm just going to manage myself at home" is something I hear constantly from a certain kind of people in my work.

    We call them Frequent Flyers because they always relapse and end up right back in it. That happens because they refuse treatment, which is exactly what the OP is doing.
     
    • Agree x 4
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  7. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Let me give you another way to think about this. This might sound silly, but bear with me.

    You have here a conversation in which seebs, rigorist, Beldaran, and Gyro Zeppeli (formerly known as Vivec) are all giving substantively identical advice. Plus a bunch of other people, but like. This is really close to "the four people least likely to agree on any topic".

    If there were a reasonable alternative position, one of us would have taken it. We didn't, because there really isn't a viable alternative. There are too many factors here which are absolutely high-risk factors that make it very unwise to rely on the assumption that you have full control here. And it's sort of a meta red flag that you're much more concerned about the risk to you than the risk to kids. I know it seems like the risk to kids is small. It nearly always seems that way, because people are sure they're in control.

    If you were in control, you wouldn't have been searching out child porn. You wouldn't have a complicated half-understood explanation for why that happened. You wouldn't be talking about tumblr's purge of child-porn-related things in terms of its possible effects on you, or about your search for child porn in terms of how it could affect your future blogging options, rather than how it affects the victims.

    Your behavior here is upsetting enough to enough people that I've had more requests for temp bans from this forum in the last two days than I usually get for Fine Imported Drama in any given month. You need to confront this and engage with it, and the only real answer is talk to a fucking therapist.
     
    • Agree x 14
    • Winner x 3
  8. Jove

    Jove [ destination defenestration ]

    ...OP, if you had no intention of seeking help of any kind, and you say you frequent here, then I’m legitimately confused as to why you started this thread? Especially considering the forum’s advice as a whole for very serious things like this has always been “you need to find professional help, and even we professionals think you need to find help that isn’t this forum”.

    I’m not sure what you expected to happen, OP, but this outcome seemed inevitable. At least to me.
     
    • Agree x 13
  9. lex

    lex they told me to watch my language, fuck that

    i was thinking along similar lines earlier and i came to the conclusion that this could very easily be a trolling attempt, but that may just be wishful thinking on my part :smithsad:
     
    • Witnessed x 5
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  10. Jove

    Jove [ destination defenestration ]

    It's certainly possible, that's true, but it's also possible that it's not. Skinner's Box, if you will. I'm erring in the side it's not, since I don't know for sure and considering the serious gravity of the subject, to call wolf without proof otherwise seems like a detrimental thing to do.

    YMMV, obviously.
     
    • Agree x 3
  11. Lizardlicks

    Lizardlicks Friendly Neighborhood Lizard

    Honestly, there's nothing more I can add that seebs, rigs, and beladran haven't already stated.

    If you want to stop for good, and make sure you don't start again, talk to your therapist.
     
    • Agree x 5
  12. lex

    lex they told me to watch my language, fuck that

    for sure, i wasn't trying to say nobody should take it seriously, just sharing a thought i had
     
    • Like x 1
  13. idiomie

    idiomie I, A Shark Apologist

    @sockity mcbadsock i am taking the words you say at face value. and they tell me your a person who has done a horrible, fucked up thing, and decided to minimize and justify it inside your own head, and i'm not interested in playing along with that.

    get help. get actual professional help.
     
    • Agree x 7
  14. AnonymousMouthpiece

    AnonymousMouthpiece New Member

    Doesn't this depend on a lot of factors? Like the country OP is in, for one?

    They've committed a crime, but predicting what will happen to them seems more location based than people are estimating
     
    • Agree x 5
  15. Athol Magarac

    Athol Magarac I prefer reading posts without a lot of topics.

    OP does need to talk to someone who knows about the laws in his country.
     
  16. Maya

    Maya 人間失格 • they/them

    The TLDR of all this, OP, is that you have crossed a line that only a professional, your professional, can help you with. If you're not willing to do that, then there's nothing left this forum can do for you. If you really came into this knowing you wouldn't be willing to do even that, then I have trouble believing you actually want or are going to stop. This is me taking your words at face value, remember that you yourself admitted it was a compulsion you didn't have control over to begin with.

    What I know for a fact you can control is whether or not you confide in a therapist and go from there. Utilize this bare minimum of control you have to stop contributing to the abuse of children.

    Hiding it is not an option, you have a self-admitted lack of control to stop on your own and now the only two options left are you get caught and go to prison later or you confide in a professional and get the help you need now.

    Ball's in your court, OP.
     
    • Agree x 11
  17. sockity mcbadsock

    sockity mcbadsock New Member

    Some clarification is in order.

    I did a horrific thing, this I am quite aware of. I did not think it was necessary to state the remorse and guilt, I assumed incorrectly that it would be apparent.

    I absolutely regret doing what I did. And for the time that I did it. Not just because I am afraid of getting in trouble, but because it *is* horrible. I keep attempting to allow myself to rationalize something that has no rationale to it: I did that. I am literally guilty of that. And I completely hate myself for allowing my would-be sex addiction to escalate to something as horrific as it did.

    That being said, I will stress that I have completely stopped engaging in this behavior. I haven't masturbated in a month because I start to have anxiety that I might have the urge to seek taboo/illegal content any time I consider it. I do NOT want to be someone who does things like that. I want to make the choices to get better and be a better person.

    But I did that. I can't change that I've done it, but I can change what comes now.

    Beginning with, an apology to those in this thread. When I made the op, I was panicking. If I were more clear-headed I might have posted it to the Caring Void, to have avoided this public fallout of upsetting all of you. When the first person replied and the thread stayed quiet, I felt as though I had not garnered enough attention for it to matter that I continue to spoiler tag things. I've made many errors and oversights in how I decided to talk about this.

    I have spent the day mulling over varied responses, and I am going to speak to my therapist about the compulsion. This may upset many following along, and I'm sorry, but I cannot admit to my therapist the specifics of the content. I will substitute with another paraphilia if necessary for why I'm bringing it up with her.

    I want to be better. And I will make efforts to be better. I'm sorry I didn't express these things enough originally, and I'm sorry so many people have been hurt by the thing I did. I didn't realize this would explode so much.
     
    • Witnessed x 1
  18. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I think you should at least consider talking to the therapist about the actual specifics, but I think any start on talking about this, or just admitting that it's conceivable that the "it's-a-taboo" thing could spread to other things, such as the one it already did spread to, would at least get you much better, and much more qualified, advice than we're in a position to provide. The more accurate the therapist's understanding, the more useful their advice could be.

    A lot of what you're talking about feels a lot like things I've heard from people who have OCD or related disorders. As I understand it, that suggests a real chance that, with proper treatment, you can reduce the risk to other people to effectively-zero, which I think is probably what you want.
     
    • Agree x 13
  19. Lizardlicks

    Lizardlicks Friendly Neighborhood Lizard

    Just to add to seebs' point, this right here? This isn't healthy for you either. You shouldn't live of fear and hatred of yourself, you need to engage with your own mind and body in a sustainable and healthy way and the only way you can do that is to talk with your therapist. If you don't think you can bring it up with your current therapist, you can ask for a referral to a specialist.
     
    • Agree x 14
  20. Marcy

    Marcy \o/

    good luck and godspeed, you have a journey ahead of you
     
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