Having too many memories about my bro and my complicated turmoil over addiction and understanding it as a child. I used to have a kneejerk negative reaction to addicts because of my own abuse so it feels wild somehow to be trying to discuss sympathy for addicts when I originally had issues parsing it because of my own past. bwah.
the only reason im not dead is because my family doesn't own a gun. bless canada's gun culture or w.e
I think I'm annoyed rn that I'm saying 'I have issues with this thing but it's ok for people to like it' and people going 'but there's all these reasons to like this thing and people are allowed to like it'. Not so much that people like it, because I expect that! But that there's a sense people are... idk... seeing me as opposition to this, when I've said my stance. Realistically, I know I might be taking this personally, but a lot of the time I feel like I say one thing and people are taking it somewhere else because I'm the closest thing to opposition they've been afforded. But that's taking it pretty personally, and I'm known to be a paranoid fucker.
There's only two users I actually hate on here (hate is a strong word), and the only one of those two I actually talked to has left. Which was... a relief. (if anyone's worried how I feel about them you can ask but if you're worried it's probably not you)
My partner and me have now broken up with/been broken up with the same person. Wow. I am the best (and the worst) person to talk to about that.
1) getting flashbacks to sdr2 fandom (there's a complicated story there) 2) decided, hey yeah im going to use a komaeda icon for a bit. live my cringey ideals out. i dont think i ever got shit on for liking a character more, way back when. but i know who i am and its someone who likes a lot of cringey shit so im good
People who spend most of their participation in fandom being judgey dipshits about what other people like are. the most super unfun people to be around, and usually have groupies of buzzkills who want to leech off them so they can make people they disctinctly don't like miserable.
I feel like I am simultaneously the most wishy washy person and yet the most stubborn rule defined bitch on earth.
God I'm beginning to want to go on a rant about how I wish so much there was a cultural tradition of loving older women like we love 'silver foxes' because older women are so. so attractive!! But that's a personal thing I just. Ana! You're so attractive Ana! I Love You Ana.
Anyway my partner and my ex did get back together after they broke up for... a week?? I guess??? I shouldn't look at their blog. But the thing is. They keep talking about me, and it is so hard to not look when you know someone is talking about you. This. This shit is part of why we broke up. It is... so hard. To be with someone, who looks for reasons to dislike things you like. Who constantly leaves passive aggressive comments about how you're amoral if you like this or that or it secretly says something about fuckin.... how you hate the shit out of Kuroo if you like Kenhina or other shit. Because this isn't something that happened 'after' we broke up. In fact, despite them acting like this is new... they just constantly found a way to disintegrate anything we bonded over, and the truth was at the start? We bonded over a lot! But they looked and picked for reasons things were wrong if I liked them, always. The worst thing though is they date my partner! And there's this nagging guilt that if me and my partner share ANYTHING, if I like anything, if I enjoy anything with them, and it becomes obvious, my ex will hate it and then my partner can't share it with them and I'm just. Constantly feeling anxious about what I admit to liking, because they're on there, always watching me. And even the shit my partner reblogs from me! Like the above comment makes it. Really clear they look at my blog and dutifully follow me for things to dislike even now but like. My partner? My partner... how is it not manipulative on some level to make open comments like this. How can my partner share interests with me and reblog them to their blog with the knowledge that it become open season on whatever they reblog from me. It's silly but I really get to thinking I should just withdraw from all social media
God I have so many ships that are 'extremely really hinted at in canon' but 'not quite canon'. I'd kill someone to not have to deal with people bitching at me about how they don't exist when they're laid super thick across the narrative. Just 1. Just give me 1, sometime.
Can't tell if I want to kill myself because I've run out of meds or if it was just because of my abnormally shitty day. Hmmmmmmm
ask and ye shall receive By which I mean if you want to know some forum history stuff, especially drama, and ask on it even if I'm not sure the mere mention of it will get you somebody's take for sure
