I'M CAPTAIN KIRK

one day... for sure... i will commission a rocking horse in traditional victorian style that's big and sturdy enough for me to sit on without worrying about breaking it.

one day when i can spare like a couple thousand pounds, y'know, but one day. one day.

 

one that looks like this, but bigger and sturdier for my fat ass


(this is minnie, she's being sold on facebook as a restored victorian horsie for £750)

 

HORS!

 

it's been a dream of mine to have an awesome rocking horse ever since i was six years old and had my tiny heart broken by the crushing realization that other children also enjoyed using the rocking horse in the children's hospital where my baby brother was spending a bit of time (not for anything serious, I do not in fact remember what landed him in there so it can't have been that dramatic)

...seriously, i panicked and never used the rocking horse again after going to ride it and finding drawings other kids did of it pinned up above it. i think in my tiny six year old brain that meant that it belonged to other people now. so one day i will have a rocking horse that is mine and mine alone

 

i should make a list of my ocs, probably? but i have a lot of them

 

once i had a database of ocs, i kind of miss that, maybe i should make another one
on the other hand, effort

 

oc subtypes:

dragon age pcs
dragon age ocs
mass effect pcs
elder scrolls pcs
subetapets
flight rising dragons
origfic protags
transformers ocs
girl genius ocs
tabletop pcs
pokemon pcs
au versions of the above
'misc'
probably more i've forgotten

 

some people: these are my three ocs, i use them for everything
me: [looks up from turning over the OC Heap] New delivery? back up the truck

 

some of them are similar enough to each other that they should probably be au versions of each other even if they're completely unrelated, but i refuse to let this stop me

 

MOOD

 

[eyeballs Merin and Horatio]
No they're not the same listen this one [points to Horatio] deals with his unwanted immortality by drinking heavily and cultivating an unapproachable facade and this one [points to Merin] deals with his unwanted immortality by cultivating an unapproachable facade but doesn't drink heavily

 

random thought prompted by finding a kylo ren t-shirt in a charity shop today: it's a shame that the new star wars movies introduced a character i could really get into stanning (kylo) and then took the plot in a direction i physically cannot watch without wanting to throw up (people electing to betray friends by remaining on the path of evil)

 

oh there's a thing, i should make a note of the Tropes I Really Can't Deal With:

1) betrayal (all right if it turns out to have been a Ploy and Everyone Is Still Friends, i just have to know that before I get into it; okay if it's in the past and referenced as backstory for Pathos but becoming not okay if they go back and have flashbacks and heavily dwell on it and lovingly detail it)
2) People Pretending To Be Things They're Not (conmen we're supposed to be sympathetic to/who are the protagonists; bodyswap/de-aging stuff (yeah, i hate such supposed classics as Big and Freaky Friday, they make me die inside). Fine if it's just the protagonists sneaking into an enemy's base by posing as members of staff or whatever; not fine if it's a huge part of the plot.)

Basically, it can be summed up as I Can't Handle The Notion That People I'm Close To Could Be Lying To Me About Serious Things

 

more developed thoughts about solas and sexuality...

He thinks of himself as a dom, and that's kind of... the most visible aspect of his sexuality because he has such a strong vision of himself and he plays to it so hard. But in certain circumstances he can sub. I reckon he subbed with Mythal, but she had to fight for it, prove herself worthy of it, and I'm pretty sure it'd take a very special inquisitor to succeed with that again

 

idle homestuck considerations...

I haven't read the epilogue. i don't plan to; i've been assured it's Not Safe For Mirrorses and everything I've seen about it indicates that this is very correct.
For a long time, pretty much after i spent like three straight months reading nothing but homestuck fanfiction back in 2012/2013ish, i've pretty much preferred fan content and fan interpretations and fan aus to actual canon, and when canon took a left turn into tropes i dislike (universal retcon buttons mostly) that only intensified. Ultimately, for some time it's felt like fans had a more honest, deeper and more fulfilling connection to and treatment of characters than the canon did. I know if you have a massive cast you can't give all of them the time they might deserve- god i know, me with my tendency to hoard ocs and game pcs i know- but i can't settle to a canon where it feels like the author didn't care about most of the characters, and wasn't going 'man i know x character deserved more but i just don't have narrative time' but instead 'nah, x character doesn't matter and i don't give a shit they were just there as padding'. besides anything else, and i know this is subjective as hell, but it feels like bad writing to me. if a character doesn't matter, why do they fucking exist?
It also feels like... i know hussie enjoyed trolling fans. fans didn't like vriska, so more vriska! fine, that can be fun. but it feels like at some point that took a turn from lighthearted trolling to active malice, to looking at what the fans wanted and not just doing the opposite but cruelly and deliberately taking away any chance of what the fans wanted, and that's not fun. that's not fun at all. i don't want to read a story that's focused around hurting me, personally. I'm struggling to voice the difference between that and a story that just has a downer ending, but... i don't like downer endings and i don't want to read them, but i don't feel like they're deliberately targeting me, usually; it just so happens that i'm very sensitive to a lot of the ways one constructs a downer ending. this feels more like, instead of just writing a grim story because they wanted to and they thought it was a good story, they set out to hurt. Tastes bad.
Homestuck as a construct is still interesting to me, but it's now been filed in the same place as Harry Potter: if i'm going to mess around with the world, I'm going to pretend the actual canon story didn't happen.

 

honestly at this point if they turned around and went 'psyche!' and constructed a super happy ending where everyone lives happily ever after and everything's great i would both be not surprised and laugh hysterically forever

 

I´d be down for that!

 

so would i
i don't think it is going to happen but honestly if they're going for subverting fan expectations that'd be the most unexpected thing possible at this point

 

first time i played skyrim i found it really hard and was scared of going anywhere... second time (okay, second character) i'm just. kicking ass and taking names. consorting with daedra. stealing everything not nailed down.
something, somewhere, changed significantly in-between times and i think it just boils down to playing dragon age thirty thousand times (and a few other games, i guess) and thereby just. being more used to Video Gaming In General.
playing Oblivion a bit probably helped too
interesting to think about

 

hmmm, now i feel a bit bad for Malgrave, my orc lady who was my first character. she deserves better. i found her saves buried at the bottom of the pile of rilli's and the ones my friend was messing with so maybe i'll load her up again sometime