mentions of suicide and self-harm When I graduated, I had medium level hopes, I had a therapist and coping skills and a plan. I was going to start volunteering and get a new psych and do my hobbies and survive having to live with my parents! But when I moved back in, all of that completely vanished—everytime I’m back here, I lose my energy and all the stuff I learned in therapy and I just become hopeless. I’m supposed to get a job, a paying job instead of volunteering, and I’m 21, going to be 22 very soon, of course I should be working, but I don’t have any work experience. I should have done more while I was still at school, I should have asked someone what to do, but who wants to be the one to speak up at the resume-workshop when the lecturer says “Of course, all of you worked in high school, right?” My degree is useless and I don’t know what I’m good at and the only positions that I would MAYBE get a chance at are loud and full of people and constant movement. According to my dad, who at least is still on my side enough to warn me, my mom is going to blow the fuck up if I’m not adequately searching for jobs. But it’s not like that’ll be good enough, if I placate her now, she’ll just explode later, if I haven’t got any callbacks, or if no one hires me, or if I do get a job and it’s not good enough. She doesn’t even talk to me anymore, just glares in my direction. Whenever my parents are in the house, my anxiety level goes up by 200% because I might get interrogated, or caught reading or playing a game instead of applying for jobs, so weekends (when they’re not out) and evenings after they get back from work are just…pretty bad. I flinch at everything and I’m always taking off my headphones to listen in on their conversations, in case I’m about to be confronted. I thought that I would be able to get another therapist when I got back into town, and I even talked to my dad about it, I thought it would work out a lot faster, but they put me on their insurance so I had to wait until June, and then it turns out that it actually starts in July, and I think I’ve given up on it, I don’t want to make the phone calls and the appointments, it seems so hard. I probably need it because of the wanting to kill myself bit, and the newfound cutting, which is a little too fun, when during school I only just scratched myself. And I’ve given up on the support groups (mental illness and trans) that I wanted to go to, because I don’t know what to do with transport, bus passes are so expensive and why should I even bother? I miss my friends, who are getting all sorts of opportunities while I’m stuck in this state, and my old apartment where no one yelled at me (even though my parents were paying for it), and school where I at least knew what I was doing, and I can’t even drive or bring myself to focus on doing just one minimum wage application (because I haven't started doing them, I told my parents that I had to buy a little bit of peace), and I haven't posted enough on here to deserve a thread, and nothing is working.