I'm on the Internet 'Cause I'm an Internet Thug

Blog for moi.

May include short thoughts, may include long thoughts, will almost definitely include controversial thoughts about topics I'm thinking about and working through. I will try to either put those under spoilers or warn at the top of the post.

Comments are welcome, but I reserve the right to not respond, most likely because I have no spoons.

If you don't know about Das Racist, let me introduce you to them.

 

Das Racist's most quotable song, Rainbow in the Dark

 

Other's people's problems are not my problems. My first priority is to myself. If something is not making me happy or furthering my goals, it is OK to leave it or discard it.

It's OK for me to not read the news because it impacts my mood negatively and makes it harder to accomplish my daily goals.

It's OK to not be on Facebook.
It's OK to not be on Tumblr.
It's OK to not be on Twitter.
It's OK to not be on Instagram.
The anger, jealousy, and toxicity endemic in them make them into hurtful experiences. It's better for my wellbeing to not be on them. What randos are saying about the current controversial topic will not help me further my goals of independence and self-care.

If this forum turns into a place that fosters more destruction for me than happiness, it is OK to leave.

 

I woke up today in with neck, shoulder, and upper back pain. I'm not sure if I only slept wrong or what, but it could just be a flare up from looking at my phone too much.

I forget that I can take painkillers, just, like, in general. For any kind of pain.

Where I got this idea to not take painkillers, I'm unsure. Maybe it was from dance class. Pain is a sign that something is wrong, so if you continue working without feeling it, you could make the injury worse. Maybe it was from the media (certainly not my family). If you use painkillers, you become weak or addicted. Even to over the counter tylenol.

But pain doesn't have an audience. It's a solo piece only one person can feel.

I'll try to remember the next time.

 

I love sleep. Sleep is so good. I'm still tired but I am thankful for the sleep I got last night.

 

I don't know if this forum is the right place for me. I came here because I respect Seebs and Jesse, but damn, there are a lot of meltdowns here.

It feels like this place, even moreso than other places on the internet, I have to keep a running tally of who's upset at who and why and what triggers certain people into behaving terribly because it's too emotional for them to either a) think about it logically, or b) leave, decompress, and come back.

I just want to yell about fandoms and talk about food. On the bright side, the food threads seem to have less emotions running high.

 

Homestuck Epilogue Spoilers

I read Meat and skimmed towards the end. I did not enjoy it, especially Dirk monologing. I will not reread it or read Candy for a while.

I have other things to fo with my time than read upsetting and/or boring things, like not putting my laundry away.

 

I finished puttiing away my laundry.

Me: 1
Homestuck: 0

 

Seriously considering spitefully writing homestuck fanfic about what I didn't like about the epilogue. In a metaphorical way, of course.

 

I like Pink Diamond's hair a lot. But most avatars don't show it in full. She's also relatable, not that I'm a youngest child, but being ignored and not taken seriously by people who maybe don't intead to.

 

Thinking about Steven, Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond, and Pearl, made myself sad again.

 

It’s a sad and complicated story, huh.

 

Yeah. I think what messes me up the most is that PD/Rose kind of killed herself in a way, but that's the only way Steven could exist. Did she want to become an organic being so much that she would do anything? Or did she despise herself so much she wanted to cease to exist but allow something else to flourish in her place? I guess there are no answers for us because she died.

I really appreciate how they didn't allow Steven to ever meet her though. That felt very real to life.

 

I'm gonna spoiler this for my personal thoughts. Ultimately, we can't know what Rose was thinking, and we never will. But.

Spoiler

I don't think it's a matter of "she wanted to become an organic being." I'm sure she understood she was too different, to alien to them to become truly "like" them. But there was an appreciation, a desire to understand organic life, especially human life, and more importantly, a love for it. Becoming Steven's mother, and dying, were the most intimate she would ever get to the human experience. And I do believe she must have loved humanity, or else she would not have desired to sacrifice herself in that way. Not a glorious way, as in battle defending the earth from the Diamonds, but in a humble, mundane way- death by childbirth, saving no one already alive but bringing a new life into the world.

On the other hand, I can understand thinking she hated herself so much she would rather cease to exist, sacrifice herself for something else, than continue living as herself. Sadly, that's a feeling I understand very well. I simply prefer to think of it as an act born of love than of self-loathing.

 

I think Homestuck is no longer a story I need like I did when I was younger. I'm still depressed, but I've recovered to a point that the epilogues are just... not what I need. Also, 23 years old is right before I started recovering in earnest, so knowing John stayed in his room when he could go literally anywhere is frustrating, even though that's what depression is like.

Steven Universe's themes of recovery, forgiveness, and accepting oneself is more of what I needed. Also SU nailed the ending in a way Homestuck never could.

 

...hmm.

Have you watched the original series of Madoka Magica? I think you’d appreciate it.

 

I have not.

I know the general story beats and spoilers through dashboard osmosis.
Do you think it's worth watching if I already am spoiled? I've heard good things about the witch visuals along with the relationships.

 

That, along with the ultimate message that Madoka conveys through the story and her response to all the negativity surrounding her. I would say it's worth watching, and the fact that I'm only referring to the initial 13-episode run specifically helps. I don't know how well they've held onto the initial message through the later incarnations of it.

 

1. Paper Mario
2. Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility
3. Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
4. Arc Rise Fantasia
5. Dragon Age 2

 

Cooked a lot of vegetables and made my parents and me lunch for tomorrow.

Next time I will probably only pack lunch for myself because I need to pay more attention to what I need and not try to be nice for people who cannot even vocalize appreciation.