In which every post begins with a song recc in the style of ancient websites now lost to Men

And here’s a nude I drew literally just because naked men. Forewarning, the anatomy is a lil off.

Spoiler

...yeah, that’s too big. I was Following my Heart at the time. And not paying attention.

No song reccs because I’ve literally just been listening to Revolutions and only care about history and nonplatonic brotherhood right now

 

It’s So Dumb. I can be doing great, and everyone else in my life is telling me I’m doing great, and dad only has to say one thing to me to make me want to sit in my room and cry for hours. It’s so dumb. I’m so fucking sensitive. I can’t help but think I should be able to not care and I should be able to stay above it. I can be having the best day ever and then suddenly I feel like a gross bag of trash full of maggots sagging like a dead tomato down the street. Fuck this and fuck me.

 

this isn't on you. if your dad's doing that to you he needs to stay the fuck away from you. him not doing that and continuing to hurt you isn't your fault

 

I dunno. I don’t understand him in the slightest. He goes the extra mile to help me all the time by helping me improve my life and paying for things and trying to encourage me but I also always feel like I am never doing enough, he will notice everything I do wrong, I feel like I don’t go a conversation without betraying how lacking I am. Maybe requiring me to be 110% perfect career wise and requiring 120% effort is slow burn revenge for me being gay and not Christian enough.

He never talks about how he feels, just how he thinks. I feel like I’m trying to argue against a mountain when I speak to him. I’m so insignificant in comparison and I will just never understand the life and mind of the mountain.

Fuckkkk thisssss :^) this is why I found a wife who acts like my mom instead of a husband who acts like my dad. Mom can stand up for herself good and I don’t ever see him criticize her but she’s a sharpclawed mama bear to my literal dead raccoon in the ditch

 

My.. attempted understanding of dad is, as far as I can tell, he has one life path in his head that is safe and good, and cares deeply about making sure we have a good life path, so he tries to express consistently how one gets on that one life path he knows is safe and good. This is sometimes helpful, ie hey, i am already thinking a bit about retirement saving because he gave me some base knowledge and i ended up extremely lucky enough to be able to afford to think about it, and sometimes extremely unhelpful, ie most times we end up just the two of us he will try and ask me what i've been thinking about religion and i can't quite find the words to explain to him that talking about it with him will not be helpful any time soon.

He also has that like... he actually is one of those people who gets restless when he's not optimizing his productivity (other sister is also like this, recall how she went completely stir crazy watching an empty house with no social or work-related things to accomplish, for a week). which does not mix with our... complete satisfaction with spending the majority of free time trying to refill the 'be productive' energy bar.. thing well.

sorry you're having such a bad time talking with him about life things :c

 

Man we were talking about setting up a table, that’s what’s killing me. Today he criticized me for not helping him set up a table and I melted right on down bc I can’t take it neutral any more. I’ve been scared to talk to him since he eviscerated me on Thanksgiving two hrs ago and it never 100% goes away

 

Blackmores Night for the people

I’m have therapist now. Demand good brain. Seize means of serotonin production.

 

Every human DOES have value. That’s why it’s such a fucking awful thing when someone chooses to become a hateful bigot or a spite-filled abuser. That’s why it makes us cringe and makes us feel angry. It’s a tragedy. It should make your blood boil. How was a priceless human reduced to THIS?

Believing some humans are without value because of their choices blinds us to the horror of what happened to them and directs our rage in stupid ways.

 

Obsidian, drawn incorrectly, mostly from memory.

 

a lil miserable gem from Crusher.

Work doodles, ballpoint pen, feat even more Suikoden because work doodles are not the medium for pushing ur comfort zones








The moon girl image has been in my head for a while, I may try to do it again with bigger paper/ better pens.

 

those are gorgeous

 

THANK YOU... ur always so sweet... I did start working on moon girl part 2 it’s pretty wild so far. Those were done in ballpoint, which can be graduated, but the nice felt pens I’m using now are.... binary, black or white, much less room for error ;u;

I spent like a month or two hating everything I drew so THIS IS NICE

 

Ouvre le chein!



Moon girl lives. Much larger this time.

There is something that just isn’t captured by the camera no matter what I do. Oh well.

 

that is fucking STUNNING

 

Many thanks again it was a work of ups and downs, I went from HELL YES to HELL NO every five minutes with this one and now it makes me smile.

 

another work drawing on another tiny slip of scratch paper. One of my cats walked into the area just when I was taking the pic and that’s why there’s that dramatic lighting on this which I honestly really like??? It looks planned but it’s cat ears.

 

Clearly I have not been here much lately, New Medication Who Am I, I'm alive and usually doing well, anyway for some stupid reason I’m trying to apply to grad school (FEAR) and to my own shock out of the 2 profs who taught me 5 entire years ago who I asked to recc me for grad school, one has said ‘yes definitely’ and the other has said ‘probably, let’s catch up first’ (FEAR) and unbelievably the process has started

Feels weirdly like. Success?

 

this is what I draw now. It’s been nothing but slightly uncanny valley hands for a week

 

literally

 

i envy your hand skills so much!!