inarticulate enthusiasm and complaining

Kingdom Hearts 3, the final installation in one of my favorite fandoms, years in the making, finally comes out and i decide to get into a new fandom 3 days before. I always do this. w h y

 

tfw you actively unship something but you see so many antis saying how shipping it makes you a bad person that you’re forced to grit your teeth and go thru the ao3 tag out of spite

...anybody else? nobody? just me?

 

Spoiler: the complaining

wow i feel really lonely right now
*picks up phone*
*navigates past notifications from two separate old friends I stopped talking to for no reason trying to reach out and reconnect in the past week*
*navigates past all possible interactions with potential new online friends*
*navigates to several dozen open tabs of fanfiction where I dose myself daily with a pale vicarious imitation of the human connection and emotion I crave*
haha I wonder why I keep feeling so lonely all the time

 

Why does my body keep waking up so early

It’s the weekend and I went to sleep at 2 am like an idiot I DONT need to be up at 6:45 @me

 

casts calm emotion on myself so i can think about ANYTHING OTHER THAN THIS FANFIC

 

I keep on intentionally reading unfinished/abandoned slow burn fic why do I do this to myself, I need to sleep not agonize over incomplete emotional arcs

it’s so good tho

 

ever get so excited to watch/read a thing that you can't watch that thing? I haven't watched the last ~3 episodes of mp100 but every time I think about actually heading over to crunchyroll I get overwhelmed by the thought of how Good this show is. help

maybe I’ll watch slime isekai instead, I’m behind in that too

 

Cianbro (a construction company) just got done giving a Come Work For Us presentation to my welding class. I know I should do more research before deciding where to go but first impression of this company is fucking excellent - they’re employee owned, fantastic benefits, provide a ton of free trainings... I’m going to apply for sure.

 

confirmed: I am just incapable of Blogging

 

if I was magically transported to the Imperial Radch universe the first thing I would do would be to find Breq so I could sing Two Trucks to her

 

forgot to take melatonin + “I’ll just read a few pages before bed” = Suffering

 

These last couple weeks in welding class are basically a study hall, where we can fuck around at our own discretion working on whatever skills we want to improve. I am using my time productively

owo

 

incidentally, i’m trying to think of good practice projects for next week, and if anyone has any suggestions i’d love to hear them! it would have to me something on the small side that can be made out of smallish slats of metal. one of my classmates did a birdhouse, and i’m planning to try a box with hinges taken from a cut-up broken face clamp. i have access to a couple different kinds of cutting equipment and could prrrrrobably come up with a way to bend stuff.

 

today is! my last day of welding class!!! and i still haven’t submitted any job applications lol

but look at this box i made!!!!


i cut the hinges out of a couple broken clamps. unfortunately they’re slightly misaligned so the lid sticks a little, but overall i’m pretty proud of this!!

 

today was good day

last day of welding class - we spent it cleaning our booths with a grinder, getting rid of spatter and arc strikes, and i also did a bit more oxyacetylene cutting, so my arms hurt now in that pleasant way where you can feel you’ve been working hard. there wasn’t much in the way of a graduation ceremony, just the certificate and t-shirt and handshake, and the instructors told us to call or come back if we had any questions at all. they’re seriously excellent instructors - two of them are retiring next year so i’m glad i took this class when i did!

and then when i got back to the apartment my sibling had made cake and my dad was there!! i didn’t know he would be in town but apparently there was a philosophy conference! he took us out to eat at my favorite burger place downtown to celebrate! and then after he left my sibling and i watched star trek and drank cider and it was very good

seriously i’m worried i overdrew from my good day allotment with this one lol

 

That sounds like a wonderful day indeed! I’m so happy for you! :D

 

thank you ^^ it’s good to have days like this to remember on the days when everything is kind of shit. it’s good to know that there are more of them slowly making their way towards you.

 

my birthday: is on april 29th, less than a month away
me:

scedasticity: I will update Succession on 4/13
me:

 

things i needed to do today: go to the library and figure out how to write a cover letter

things i’ve done today: donate blood (good!), forget to take my adhd meds OR drink caffeine, lie on the floor

current time: 5:50 pm

uuuuuurgh

 

i saw a post on tumblr about how necromancers gambling with historically accurate bone dice would be unbeatable, and suddenly i had 2.5 new ocs and a story idea

Spoiler: copypasted directly from my notes app

wizard “college” of necromancers


necromancy not a recognized field, only practiced by criminals tho necromancy itself is not TECHNICALLY strictly illegal


one dude has a bug up his ass about this and is determined to make it a legitimate reputable area of study. for this purpose he has decided to form a formal College of Necromancy which will only admit necromancers who haven’t done anything illegal. he gathers together the only necromancers he can find who are not convicted criminals or wanted on various horrible charges:


founder: kind of a disgraced professor vibe. holds meetings in his (maybe should be her?) basement. understands enough about people to provide free snacks.


necromancer 1: uber religious, very serious about death rites and proper respect for corpses and making sure all funeral practices are observed. the dead must be honored and laid properly to rest. this does not seem to conflict with raising sentient species’ corpses for zombie minions. (in fact they may find use of non sentient corpses to be sacreligious?) uses a LOT of zombie minions. this is in fact illegal. they don’t let any of the others come to their house because it’s full of zombie minions. gets very offended if anyone has a cavalier attitude towards death, spirits, the god(s) of death, all that. you Must do things the Right way. maybe a warlock? has not confirmed either way. wears a lot of religious jewelry, mostly from one tradition but with a few others scattered in. their religious beliefs seem to be a unique combination of various existing religions which makes perfect sense to them but no one else. pale skin, long pale hair worn in a ponytail.


necromancer 2: learned necromancy because he wanted to cheat at gambling with bone dice. this is not the usual way people begin dabbling in the dark arts. he is not strictly speaking a wizard, though he certainly wouldn’t qualify as any of the other types of magic users? knows only wizard spells. never went to wizard school, picked things up from out of date textbooks he got on the cheap (and illegally, because only wizard schools are supposed to have those, they’re dangerous). very erratic knowledge. did not think necromancy would be as big a part of his life as it is, but that’s just how it worked out, since once people know you practice the dark arts you’re sort of tarred with that brush. as close as you can get to an atheist in fantasy world. cynical. alternates between aggressive and laid back snark. super smart but not much formal education. the only one of them who has never used the bodies of sentient races as material, and won’t. smoker. has a lot of hobbies and knows a lot of people, but doesn’t have many (any?) friends. mother is dead. father was not part of his life growing up, but is now an acquaintance. his father and stepsister run a shop and are one of his most regular and reliable sources of odd jobs. probably the people he trusts most, though they aren’t exactly close. scruffy, late 20s guy.


necromancer 3: my precious anxious cursed academic girl! (more on her here and here though i don’t think her name is Clarity anymore.) answered the founder’s ad to join this “college” due to lack of options and need for money. there turned out not to be any money on offer, but she still kept coming to meetings because she doesn’t have anyone else. she’s also desperate for even a hint of her familiar academic environment. has in fact done some illegal shit (because money) but was never caught, and feels like it doesn’t really count because she’s not a criminal and she wouldn’t be doing this at all if not for these circumstances, so really she hasn’t done anything wrong, or she has, but it’s totally understandable... etc. is the only one of them who has actually killed a person, though she doesn’t know they died from their wounds. (it was just someone random she fought while doing adventurer work for money.) feels a mix of contempt and horror for the other necromancers because they CHOSE to get into this. thinks #1 is actually crazy, is kind of horrified by everyone’s attitudes towards both necromancy and the gods. nevertheless takes #2 up on his offer to teach her some bone dice gambling tricks.