Is Kintsugi anti-recovery?

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by palindromordnilap, Oct 26, 2017.

  1. Khan

    Khan why does anyone NOT hate her

    National Domestic Violence Hotline.

    Hard agree! Tacking a little bit onto this, I think discomfort is the only real driving force behind change. If I’m uncomfortable wearing shoes that are too small, that will motivate me to take them off and buy bigger ones. If lots of people are uncomfortable in a community, that may motivate them to speak up and ask for change. It’s good! It’s Mother Nature’s kick in the pants to get off your ass.
    Noisy Stompy Disorder belongs to the people. Do what you will. It’s public domain.
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  2. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    For some people, it can be. For others, it's the real barrier to change. You have to look at individual people to make calls like that. Discomfort is nowhere near as strong a motive for change to me as thinking about possible futures and deciding which of them I prefer. I know people for whom discomfort is the Random Electric Floor of their learned helplessness, and is the reliable signal that it's time to immediately abandon all hope and effort, because there is nothing you can do that will make anything better, you just have to shut down and endure as best you can. So with those people, I will work extra hard on mitigating distress, because the moment it's over, they go back to working hard on solving their problems.

    One-size-fits-all approaches don't fit all. There is no one correct model of abusive behavior. There is no one correct model of recovery. There isn't even one correct model of recovery from PTSD symptoms induced by childhood sexual abuse between ages 5 and 7 involving an AFAB child and an AMAB perp, where the AFAB child is now 18-22 years of age and enrolled in a graphic arts program in Vermont. (Example not intended to represent a specific person known to me, just to be extremely specific.) You can be as specific as you want about things, and two people can still have radically different paths to recovery.

    Some people might speak up and try to change things. Others might realize that they aren't allowed because if they were allowed, obviously they wouldn't be so uncomfortable. And so on.

    So with some people, I'll say "no, it's okay, what you're doing isn't all you do, you do other things too and those matter", because otherwise they'll give up hope and stop trying. With other people, I'll say "you're pretty cool, but man do you need to work on this, it's a real problem", because otherwise they'll dismiss it as irrelevant and stop trying. It's not that one of these tactics is right and the other is wrong; it's that they relate to how specific people think, feel, and act.
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  3. Lissa Lysik'an

    Lissa Lysik'an Dragon-loving Faerie

    The most evil thing in the world is Change - except for his more evil brother Surprise. I can't deal with either of them.
  4. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    <break temporarily suspended for different thing> Noted about that hotline, thanks!
    Discomfort and surprise are important motivators for me personally.
    I realized yesterday that the only time I'm able to reliably make deadlines on things that will actually keep me alive is when I'm in real physical danger of dying from something. This possibly ties into the theory my psychiatrist was speculating on that I may have severe type 2 adhd! So discomfort is an important catalyst for action for me, particularly if it's sudden, jarring discomfort.
    That said I agree that sometimes it's the opposite of what is needed to help. Sometimes also for me! I think it's really important that people be able to figure out what works for them, what makes them shut down and what drives them forward. It can be hard to do that if people attempt to help and accidentally press on the opposite kind of help needed. There's never going to be any way to surefire prevent that from happening, but I think it's important that people research their conditions with credible info and look at what works for other people with the same diagnosis. It's really scary to be diagnosed with a thing, try to look up info about it, and find just thinkpiece after thinkpiece about how you're Doomed or telling you that yoga will fix things. If I ever make that pipedream thread, I'll try to include links to credible sources of information about various disorders, so people who are feeling lost/uncertain about where even to begin to look at the recovery process can have a start post.
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  5. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    I know for me, threats and sicomfort tends to make me shut down and procrastinate more than anything. That or just straight up dig my heels in and refuse.
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  6. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    I was caught between wanting to rate that as 'witnessed' or 'informative' so i hope a portmanteau of witformative is okay.
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  7. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Checking on what works for other people with similar things is good, but even within a fairly specific diagnosis, there can be personal variance. Also comorbidity makes things weird. Mostly, have other people who interact with you let you know whether things look like they're getting better or worse, and give feedback on things. You may have a hard time telling what's triggering to you when other people can spot it. Or you may be better at it than they are.
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  8. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    Request for a definition of crisis when it comes to how bad off you have to be to call a crisis line. I know that's something that has prevented me from calling before.

    Maybe by the time you get around to it, I'll also have free time and can help! I get overloaded by too much information sometimes, but I like organizing and helping too

    Edit: typos
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2017
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  9. AbsenteeLandLady124

    AbsenteeLandLady124 Well-Known Member

    That would be lovely C:
    And yeah, I'll make a note to add one. When it comes to how bad off you have to be... like, obvs that's gonna vary a lot for different people, but for me I reach for crisis line numbers when intrusive thoughts become all my thoughts and I'm on the edge of active self-harm or notice that I've been doing passive self harm. I often use digital crisis lines for that, in those lines where I'm not quite suicidal but also very much not okay and need to reach out to someone trained to tell me that I will be okay later.
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  10. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    It's pretty general. One crisis chat line says:
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  11. Khan

    Khan why does anyone NOT hate her

    I've called in the middle of a potentially dangerous situation in lieu of calling 911 (bad idea, don't do this, just call 911 unless you will be hurt for calling the cops), but I've also called a couple of days after one for help processing things that happened, and I've also called when I'm feeling like garbage and I suspect it might be tangentially related to [thing the hotline does].

    They would really prefer you call them instead of hurting yourself or others or just being miserable. It's their job to answer the phone and be there for you, so it's not like you're imposing on anyone that didn't choose to man the phone lines. If that helps to think about.
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