Kitchen And Craft Wix Corner (Exciteable Bird, Enter At Own Risk)

Could also try and find a Toralei, she's their best friend apparently and a were-tigress or something

 

frantically We Have Dolls At Homes myself repeatedly while forcefully closing all the ebay tabs

 

Sindri: blacks out for hours dissociating so hard he doesn't remember what he does and acts like a completely different person
Gydha: weather-tender scars, traumagenic tendency to manipulate people incessantly
Brynhildr: goes catatonic when handed any weapon other than trident, longbow or net and forced to use it, has occassional bouts where her body refuses to let her eat
Valdis: Due to an incredibly awful disease in her youth she has chronic pain, several ugly scars and odd facial features and her womb is barren.
Aulus: not sure yet entirely what all could be wrong with his body. Probably he is severely allergic to something that he keeps eating anyways because he refuses to be in anything but good health. It doesn't go well
Curia: really poor eye-sight, possibly brought on by connective tissue issues
Hortensius: Burnout Syndrom, poor wound healing, anemia chronic fatigue

why yes Faustian Bargain is very Ablebodied And Sane People Aren't Real And Can't Hurt Me what about it

 

Frankly it is kind of a miracle Hortensius survived his mother's death and governing as long as he did. The nobility was immediately ready to try and turn him into a puppet and while he was throwing stupid pissbaby tantrums and lowkey starting wars and poking the cold war tension with the Tsarity with a stick he never picked a fight he couldn't get his men to brute force something of a win out of and on his better days he can be incredibly charismatic when he leans into the image of the beautiful tragic griefstruck Dutiful Son And Prince thing
And for all his not being suited to rule he is both whipsmart and viciously protective of what he considers his.
He cannot keep it up for long because he is not made to be emperor of anything least of all a region in turmoil full of backstabbing assholes, and he is not made for being a Necromancer or Lich either. But he manages to hold it together for a respectable amount of time and we wasn't a *worse* ruler than his mother. More a diffrerent kind of bad. The difference between a truly vile entitled god complex with un-resolved issues with the spectre of her dead parent and a sad lost boy trying his hardest to honor the legacy of evil people who never loved him

 

The Tragedy of that part of the FB lore is that Hortensius could have been a good emperor if anyone early on taught him it would be okay to be soft and to care genuinely and deeply and have morals. He doesn't enjoy enacting cruelty, violence and censure. He is a nurturing kind of person that is being drained dry and hardened to the world, one attempted gaslighting and warcrime committed in open provocation at a time

 

me: invents an antagonist
me: immediately woobifies him

I do recognize I'm part of the problem
also Gideon the Ninth AU Hortensius Reverent-Son of the Ninth house with Vivien as his Cavallier no i am not taking criticism

 

........ FB acquires another skinny asshole boy..... why am I like this

 

Hapheus is a slave in Hortensius' court and by that I mean he's a spy who lets others labor under the illusion they own him. He adores Hortensius in a very shallow way right now, by which I mean he finds the Heir Apparent amusing and also pretty. He also thinks Hortensius' taste in men is getting better, little by little. Slow process, but what can you do. Some people need to be lead to five different ponds before they can be made to drink.

 

reasons I should not let my tired af brain make worldbuilding decisions: the fact that Hapheus may now have divine empowerment lurking like a chekov's gun

 

....hell of a gun

 

Hortensius did A Thing behind his court's back so we'll see if the muse decides Hapheus gets to be a Paladin, and if so, then for whom.

 

i've been trying since this meme began going round to think of any but my brain is soup........ may i pwease have questions anyways?

 

*slides a question down under your door*

at horty (any version, really): popular thing he pretends to like to save face while absolutely loathing it actually

 

Gods. There are reasons I would not like to say such out loud. a 7 out of 10 I suppose and wine. I don't actually like drinking it neat, and cut with salt water it is barely tolerable. some of the spiced or floral ones are nice sometimes I suppose but I do not enjoy the sensation of drinking or being drunk and the taste is lackluster at best and deeply offensive at worst.

 

13

 

66

 

47

 

The Dreadnoughts - Cruel Wars
honestly at most fits Aulus, its in here because marching seafaring and work songs are what I mostly listen to while playing minecraft

AURORA - Runaway

very much hortensius and gydha vibes. The 'take me home' bit never actually applying to the faustian palace for either of them though tbh

The Longest Johns - The Curse

this fits so many of my transformers OCs kjhgfdghj it's such a great song, but i think I'll narrow it down to Scanner specifically when he got tossed out of black ops

 

Hortensius: absolutely, and he would cry the entire time because he's a dumbass
Hall: Would flirt, may or may not sleep with asher depending on if he thinks he can achieve something with that
Scanner (any version): He would throw five billion tantrums about being flirted with but if Asher can get through that defensive shell he probably would
Tinny: *probably* not. Probably.
Ryol: Yes and it would be regrettable for both of them
Aulus: yes and he probably thinks it's a *good* decision, unless Asher tries to murder him immediately after.
Sindri: yes, and he'd not even think twice about it, and be kind and sweet the entire time and then make him breakfast and vanish back into the fog hiding his hippie commune
Bryn: She'd make fun of him so much if he tried
Elouan: Only in such a way that means Elouan never takes any clothes off, but he would totally do stuff for asher.

Hortensius: yes, but he would regret it immediately
Hall: Yes and he'd probably not even blink about it, he's used to partying hard and in most universes his diet is half caffeine, half alcohol and half nicotine
Scanner: Absolutely not
Tinny: Maybe, but he's 4'11" and does she really want to be responsible for giving the nurse alcohol poisoning
Ryol: Probably, and it would be terrible, because he's a weepy pathetic drunk
Aulus: Yes, unless he's together with Servius already and trying to stop drinking as much
Sindri: oh he would absolutely match her pint for pint/shot for shot (He would also let her take a sippy from his neck because why not)
Bryn: same as Sindri
Elouan: He would pretend, somewhat convincingly, that he is drinking it. He would be paranoid about poison the entire time.

Hortensius would not get invited, he's too much of a bitch most likely :P
Hall would and has
Scanner: no, parties are loud and he likes not bleeding from the ears
Tinny: very very shy and awkward refusal
Ryol: Yes. He probably manages to keep up with him a bit too unless Matt's pants are too tight, in which case he would walk into a wall and give himself a concussion
Aulus: Absolutely. The question is, would matt want to deal with potentially having to come across some of Aulus' exes.
Sindri: Yeah, on the condition Matt also goes hiking with his family maybe :P
Bryn: Absolutely, so long as she can carry him around, because she thinks it's funny
Elouan would try, probably start a huge fight within twenty minutes, and be banned from the establishment.

Hortensius: my god does he ever make that mistake.
Hall: .... probably, But he'd be nice about it
Scanner: Screeching and yelling and complaining but ultimately he *maybe* would
Tinny: Probably, if Maikel likes tiny doms.
Ryol: ..... yeah he would but he'd be a mess about it and potentially offer to marry Maikel because he feels weird about ~sullying his innocence and reputation~ and also he would feel weird about sleeping with a dalish given all of his hangups about being an elfblood
Aulus: .... yeah without even hesitating
Sindri: yes, but again would be very sweet and nice about it and do it mostly as a friendly thing. Just bros being bros.
Bryn: Yes, but only if he cries about it
Elouan: ........ Probably, unless he's already married-ish to Aodh.


Relatedly:
Hortensius invites your OCs to a Decadent Roman-esque Orgy/Dinnerparty, how do they react?