lawful both on a day to day basis, though i've definitely been neutral depressed and chaotic depressed in the past.
this is literally how my brain gets about practically every creative endeavour i do yes, both of them and sometimes, the anxious russell/david tennant half of me manages to stop it entirely
the specific way church says "die" here i don't know why but it feels really relatable and really repeatable like... if i'm feeling upset or embarrassed or something... *church voice* die sometimes literally happens in my head 'cause just... the way he says it, man, the way he fucking says it... it speaks to me in a way i just can't describe
Spoiler: SUICIDE~<3 my brain: enjoy this fantasy where you turned out to be an ice skating prodigy or something me: mm nice my brain: this fantasy ends with you overdosed on painkillers and dying in a bathroom at a competition in a foreign country. also you never met your boyfriend. also no one loves you. me: wow even in daydreams? thanks
intrusive thoughts: hey those blackberries look nice me: ...ok intrusive thoughts: look at all those thorns. what if you just grabbed the vines me: yeah ok, and imagine how obnoxious it would be to pick out all the thorns, you fucking idiot
Saturday at my cousin's wedding I was holding in my mind so I could ward off the stupidest intrusive thoughts like "DRINK THE SALSA" Usually it's my brain going I HAVE TO DIG and me going "how bout no" but the image was MIGHTY enough to keep me from doing stupid shit so ha
-Gets triggered badly by brainfuck, sees that today is the anniversary of Mount Vesuvius burying Pompei- "I´m celebrating!"
so we have a new laser engraver at work. It is out of the box and in position--where the old laser engraver used to be. The old one is now behind me. The new one is not yet operational. The old one is. My brain is apparently not sure how to deal with the whole concept of "there's a laser engraver where the laser engraver is supposed to be but we can't use it" Things I have done more than once today: • send job to old laser, put piece in new laser • run job in old laser, hear beep when it's done, open up new laser, get confused when new laser is empty • send job to old laser, put piece in old laser, have to walk away to answer phone or talk to customer before I can push "go," come back, push "go" on new laser, spend 0.0002 seconds wondering why nothing happens
I had it hit me that instead of Hogwarts houses we should pick our Emilie Autumn house; The Pistol, The Poison, The Noose, or The Knife. It seemed funny at 3AM.
