List Of Maybe Symptomatic Occassional Brainweird In No Particular Order

The stuff you listed that @Aya didn't bold sounds a whole lot like autism to me, also. You perseverate, you don't like eye contact, you have sensory sensitivities. Sounds like some problems with the verbals, too, and phone hatred is a really common thing for both autism and social anxiety. Idk how these services are in Germany but might be worth getting an evaluation.

 

i got a seebsian autism dignosis but the one time i got evaluated by a psych-type it was for anxiety (at the insistance of my GP who wouldn't put 'autism or adhd evaluation' on the referral bc he thought the whole 'afraid of people' thing was more of an immediate problem?) and the therapist i was referred to was like 'I'm a bad fit for your since i do trauma + anxiety + depression and you need different stuff' and gave me contact info for someone else but bc my chronic illness stuff has been fucking me over in more extravagantly stupid ways that got more immediate attention.
Maybe once i've got my Rheuma evals done i can try to persue another attempt at understanding my brain??
i can't call people on my own and mom is at her wits end rn bc everyone kinda relies on her to coordinate our medical care bc my brother is too young to go to doctors alone, my father forgets shit like doc appointments all the time and i can barely get gp and gyno handled on my own. And she has rheuma too n we're moving houses right now and basically
everything is made of stress and i kinda lowkey wanna stop existing just so i'll stop viscerally feeling how much people move and do while i'm like hazily staring at my laptop.

 

I was trying so hard to not seem weird socially today, because my outfit was very weird but people tend to be less STARING OPENLY AT MY PAINT SPATTERED FACE when I try to do the no-resting-bitch-face-actual-eye-contact-and-active-listening-thing
probably because they feel less bad about staring at me when they think I don't see it :')
ANYWAY moving on so I was trying to act like a normal person and today was weird weather so i was already kind of in pain and then when the rains topped the sun was like basically blinding me with glare and I was so tired and these. two. people. in that class. Just wouldn't fucking stop eating apples or veggie sticks or whatever the fuck during class and I swear to fuck I still want to starngle them oh god how can a single sound be so disgusting and awful and SDFGHJHGFDSDFGHJK
And then when I was trying to articulate how a society that constantly in writing equates women, specifically mothers, to queens, the heads of the household, supreme rulers of the home then when that society also has an actual reigning queen in the most literal translation of the word they ARE a matriarchy. and then this douchebag went "What the fuck no Victorian England didn't have equality" and like THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID. LISTEN TO MY WORDS FUCKER. MY WORDS WERE OF THE LITERAL TRANSLATION OF A WORD NOT THE IMPLICATIONS GENERALLY ATTRIBUTED TO THAT WORD. AND BESIDES IN WHICH WORLD DOES THE WORD MATRIARCHY EVEN REMOTELY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH EQUAL RIGHTS HOLY FUCKING SHIT???????? NOOOOO????!?!?!?!?!?!

current emotion: directionless raeg (no no, the typo is important there to properly capture the emotion!)