Many things [depression and jobs and family and just fuck it]

Ugly sobbing over this over for now. Just. Tired.

 

I hate nausea I hate this chronic condition I hate depression I hate that I don’t know how my committee meeting will go and if I should change anything in my PowerPoint presentation

 

So. My uncle is dying.

I don't know of what, dad didn't say, but he apparently can't talk though he can listen.

My cousin, his third eldest child, is trying desperately to get airplane tickets to get from Germany to Bolivia to see his dad a last time and take care of things.

It's very weird to be here. My uncle... was sometimes (often) an unpleasant, ornery man. We love him dearly, but so many of the family stopped talking to him to protect themselves from him. My dad was estranged from him for several years. He never lashed out to me, or my brother, but we were always aware that he had a short fuse temper and took great care not to set it off.

I don't know how conflicted my cousins must be feeling, but I feel sad and crying and I wish him an easy transition over and little pain.

 

My uncle passed away last weekend. Had a few crying jags but I’m ok now. Seems very strange, like it didn’t happen, I keep expecting to hear news about him for some reason even there will be no more news about him now