May All Your Bacon Burn

'I hope you step in a wet spot while you're wearing socks'
'I hope your packages get stuck in shipping hell'
'I hope the youtube videos you want to watch take forever to load'

 

May all of your favorite shirts get lost

 

May a pet throw up in your bed.

 

Trip on a curb is one of my favorites.

 

that one is mean ::D
(i tripped on a curb. braked on the pavement with my elbow. still got the scar, but at least it stopped itching.)

 

And if you really hate them, there's always the classic "I hope you step on a Lego." :::PPP

 

My sister used to say "i hope your bananas are covered in those stringy things"

 

May they stop making your favorite coffee creamer no that's too far

 

May you forget about every cup of tea you ever make.

 

"I hope a cat pees in your shoes."

 

May your heels and nails break.

 

@littlemissCodeless That seemed unnecessarily cruel until I realized, oh, yes, shoe heels.

/exclusively wears flats.

 

I'd say "may your bra elastic wear out," but that might also be overly cruel, because bras are EXPENSIVE.

May birds poop on your car?

 

@LadyNighteyes Not just any birds, though; birds that have been feasting on mulberries.

(My childhood neighbours had a mulberry tree, so spring meant purple bird poop everywhere.)

 

I was going to suggest "may you lose an hour's worth of work because you forgot to save", but that's too much. if it happened to me, I'd definitely start crying

 

may you spend an hour drawing on the wrong layer

 

I liked this because I've done that way, way too many times.

 

May your pb&j be soggy by lunchtime.

 

Um - isn't that the definition of a pb&j?
Edit: if it isn't soggy, there wasn't enough j

 

It won't get soggy (unless you put a crap ton of j, like a third of a jar) if you put the pb on both sides and then the j in the middle. I only mention it as a curse because soggy bread is a no for me when eating sandwiches.